monday, can't wait for monday!

i've lost or decided to drop four people in the last few weeks. realised it was only ok as long as i did what they wanted and didn't speak up, and when i stood up for myself and wasn't so accommodating anymore, i was suddenly "rude" and "thinking only of myself"... spoilt, manipulative people *shrugs* hope i've learnet better now. a bit angry at myself for my naivity but still...

this also became evident in a dream i had this morning, where i stood up for myself at someone who was taking advantage of me. so my sunday began nicely, and continued even more so... i can look back at a nice weekend, bring on monday...!

i do like my self of more and more.

i'm loving my new haircut, too!

love is...

love is...
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt

good friends kick your ass

my phone rang on the way home tonight. it was my lovely friend C, for shorts let's call him Treasure, returning my call from the other night. "oh i'm so sorry my love, i couldn't answer it yesterday, i was talking to the supervising doctor, i just got home from the hospital and had to eat something before i could call you, this internship is such a pain on my cute gay ass (I am NOT translating the literal greek expression he used... i'm keeping it civil), i can't believe i am a doctor, can you believe it? omg i am a doctor, why didn't you let me drop out of medicine school, oh, my darling, it is so difficult, those night shifts, ah, if you'd see my dark cirles under my eyes, you must make me some of your creams... "

i was smiling and a tear froze on the edge of my eye at the same time

firstly, i was so proud of him. secondly, he is so incredily sweet, omg if i weren't gay i would so be all over him even if he still was. and i was a tiny little proud of myself, and no, not for his flawless greek (he is another student of mine turned close friend - and we're done with those cases)

thirdly, just an hour before the call, i was taking the 20 min walk from school to the main station freezing and having the following thoughts...

friends don't make it easy for you. friends won't provide you with the perfect excuse why you can't really pursue your dream just because you're asking for one. friends won't let you forget what your dream was just because you're too tired to remember. friends won't let you out of a relationship that they know makes you happy just because you're too stubborn to say sorry, friends will nag you to quit smoking until your ears bleed. friends won't let you drop out of school even if they have to spend the whole night over your shoulder making sure you finish that essay on deadline so you won't even have to repeat that one class. friends won't tell you it's ok to be lazy or that you deserve some chill time when you should be studying till your eyes pop out. friends don't give you permission to ruin your life. friends tell it like it is when you're about to make a mistake you'll regret for many years to come.

and thank god, i have some friends just like that. i hope my friends are thankful for this nagging know-it-all bitch, too.

on a more fun note... LARP and the opera sale

my flatmate went to the opera this morning, they had a sale. no, not opera tickets sale. they were getting rid of costumes from past seasons.

he told me he had to wait in line for 15 minutes, before he could be admitted into the storage hall where the things were. there were rows and rows of costumes, only separated into men's and women's, all sizes together. the prices ranging from 20 to 200 francs.

there were people there who go to this sale every year, some looking for extravagant dresses, or people looking for material for their hobby theatre group but also people who went just to have a look at the opera "backstage". i would love to go with next year! actually the sale will still be on tomorrow from 10 to 5.

he came home with some things that he can use at his next live action role-playing event (LARP): a long, woolen coat that will be suitable for his tailor character, a vest and leg covers from different pieces of fake fur that make him look like a neandertaler.

this is the events where he goes two to three times a year (and I have the house to myself for a week each )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=079ZfhnvFPs

he and other friends have been nagging me to go along and I am starting to think about it. of course, I would like to go as an elf, but with my stature, I'd have to be happy in a dwarf role

thursday night

last night was a very eventful night.

first, i met a friend who i hadnt seen for 3 years. for some reasons we had lost touch. he had called me after new years and we arranged to meet. i almost jumped at him when i saw him approaching and there were kisses and tight hugs we had a nice walk, weather was warm for winter, when i mixed in some german expressions with my greek he commented that i still spoke german with a german accent and i asnwered with a forced swiss accent that yes, but meanwhile i speak greek with a swiss accent! (my friend is italian but we speak greek with each other - it all started with me being his greek teacher many years ago) we both burst out laughing and from that moment on we didnt stop laughing for the next four hours throughout coffee and dinner - it was as if we hadnt been separated one day. there were no explanations offered or demanded, no apologies, no looking back and although usually i need a lot of all that, last night nothing of it mattered except having my friend back.

time went by very quickly and i had to run for my train, but still missed it. so instead of waiting in the cold for another hour till my next connection, i went in one of the coffee shops at the station. got some tea and instead of going to sit on my own in a corner, i approached the only other person in the cafe, it was a young woman. i thought maybe the hour will go by nicer if we exchange some words! so i sat a seat further from her and said something like "hey *smile*, did you miss your train, too? i have to wait another hour now" the woman freaked out, grabbed her bag and left hastily. i didnt know what to think...

so instead i focused on how good my reunion felt, and grabbed a newspaper only to read that the author of "love story" had passed. remember the "love is to never have to say you're sorry"? that was the first time i truly understood that one. and that i suppose, love is like energy, it never goes to waste, it just changes form so if you want to love somebody, you will find the right way to do it. that clicked nicely with my recent effort to be friends with my ex.

ok so i take the train home and for no particular reason, i sit at a two-seater, not the four-seaters. this older guy comes to sit next to me while there are four seaters free. i recognised him immediately, this was a pig i had fought with back in november because he was harassing another woman who was waiting with me for the train. she had looked uncomfortable and helpless, and when i went to talk to her and pulled her to me, he got really pissed off at me for removing his vicitm out of his reach and had tried to push me around and be a bully. he didnt remember me and i dont think it's because i cut my hair short in the meantime. i got up and left immediately, i was disgusted at him sitting next to me never mention i didnt want to give him any chance to have a go at me in that two seater corner. realised also how much i ve changed while until my mid twenties i would have frozen into a helpless state like that woman back in november.

in any case, i got home late, safe and unharassed.

weird leg situation

weird leg situation
by vsv, (http://vsv.shoe.org/)
my thigh gets numb very often lately, just the skin though. the last few days it also gives me a burning sensation. i wonder if some nerve is stuck between a vertebra or sth. i wonder should i try a massage first and see if it gets better or should i go directly to the doctor.

i wonder is it because i have no real problems my brain starts making up things to spice up my life.

i could have danced all night...

instead, i stayed up searching flights, looking for deals, matching departure times... and it's done. yep, god willing i should be in juneau end of may and my mate will join me mid june. then early july we're heading back home together with a night stop in toronto and i'm continuing to greece after dumping my bags and packing a much lighter backpack. had i found the usual itinerary via new york instead, i would have made a point of taking double advantage of the tickets and visiting the city for a few days. but i'm quite pleased as it is, i found such a good deal on the flights that it saved me exactly the amount i needed for my greek island getaway

knock wood everything should go fine and i'll be good to go!!!

the die is cast

plan of action has been decided on: my sister has been persuaded that she has no business to spend summer criss crossing scandinavia by train (where does she get those absurd ideas?!) but instead a moral duty to spend some time doing nothing with her favourite and only sister. sugar is game too, so we're all set crew-wise. we have appointed july as our month of adventure and the island we decided on is practically primitive with hardly any roads, electricity or phone lines, too rough for the average tourist or too complicated to access as only little boats take you there from only a couple beaches in crete. so i am very glad to spend some time before it is "developed", with only a few other like minded camping bathers around. all i need is fresh water, shade and super potent sun cream, feed my belly ripe fruit from the driving-by grocer's-on-a-truck, my eyes with the endless blue (no wait... i can see africa from my tent!) my soul with blinding white light and my ears with the sounds of the waves and the laughter and chatter of the women i love. (although there is space reserved for just one more in my heart, and in my tent )

rezept für meine perfekte sommerferien

oder mit welchen gedanken ich den winter überwinde

frau nehme im juli:

badesachen, id karte, etwas geld

den billigflug nach athen

den flughafen expressbus nach hause

die beste freundin mit

den linienschiff nach lesbos

die schwester samt zeltenzubehör mit

den langsamen schiff nach kreta

ein boot zur einsamen insel

gekocht wird: mit minimalismus und viel freude, ab und zu singend

serviert wird: steinheiss mit reichlich kühlen retsina

vor dem genuss wird eine danksagung für die ruhe, das blau und das fehlen an deutsch, französisch, englisch, holländisch oder gott bewahr schwiiiitzer tüüüütch sprechende bzw gackernde individuen auf dem strandtuch nebenan, hinter mir und vor mir ausgesprochen

zum dessert: im meer gekühlten, mit ouzo angereicherte wassermelone

revision and summer break

was supposed to drive to regensburg (Raincastle) in germany this morning with friends and return sunday afternoon. but the weather forecast for bavaria was bad and we decided to cancel it. was disappointing but then instead we went for a hike to regensberg (Rainmountain), which is a village on a hill with a medieval castle behind the village where i live (no snow storms over here)

anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....

i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!

in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.

initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!

then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol

put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.

i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...

a cynic!?

i just realised today that i ve become cynical. wow. what have i come to. not necesserily a bad thing but not a good thing either.

sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!

remembering or forgetting?

been spending some time immobilised in bed. dont really want to read. can't concentrate, i m having a very "fertile" period in my brain these weeks. it demands no distractions, bombards me with memories at day and dreams at night.

so instead of taking my mind off it with a good book, i m listening to good music, singing along, listening again, feeling deeper, singing better.

thinking, remembering. i am glad to remember. there is so much stuff that, in a very well thought wish, would prefer had never happened. but happen they did and as long as things happen, i am glader to remember them than to forget them. tears are bitter. but the water of forgetting would be bitterer. i imagine it would offer me sweet bliss, leave me with some empty spots, maybe some sort of phantom pains, maybe put me at some kind of peace with the world - but it would withhold from me the resolution, the strength, the lessons of tears. and then that's the stuff that puts me at peace with myself.

i listen to the beautiful songs of my beloved composers and poets and i get lost in translating the images

pws na glitwsete lefta

den xreiazete sto spiti sas na epikratoun syn8hkes kayswna kai to xeimwna. katevaste to 8ermostath sas stous 18 va8mous. forontas kaltses h pantofles kai ena fouter h ena fleece mesa sto spiti 8a eisaste zesta kai 8a kanete oikonomia sto petrelaio. anapste to tzaki anti na to exete mono san diakosmhtiko stoixeio. an exete ypodapedia 8ermansh, mazepste ta xalia sas, mplokaroun th zesth kai sas prokaloun apwleies energeias.

otan pshnete, afhste sto telos thn porta tou fournou anoixth gia na zestanete to xwro sas

einai shmantiko na aerizoume to spiti mas mia me dyo fores thn hmera. mhn xehnate omws ta para8yra anoixta otan aerizete to spiti. mporeite na kanete to exhs: anoixte ta para8yra se ena ena ta dwmatia, perimenete tria leptakia kai meta arxiste na ta kleinete me thn idia seira pou ta anoixate.

an exete provlhma xhrou aera mesa sto spiti to xeimwna, den einai anagkh na agorasete afygranthra. valte vregmenes petsetes panw sta kalorifer sas - gia ypodapedia 8ermansh, afhste mia katsarola me vrasto nero sto dwmatio sas prin koimh8eite. mhn afhnete na sas plasaroun proionta ws anagkes, otan yparxoun aples, fthnes lyseis.

vgazete apo thn mpriza syskeves opws thleorash, dvd player, microwave ktl anti na tis afhnete sto standby. mhn afhnete fortistes sthn priza.

odhgeite to aytokinhto sas oikologika, ayto shmainei oxi mono alla kai na elegxete thn piesh sta lastixa sas taktika. svhste th mhxanh otan eiste stamathmenoi perimenontas kapoion, ktl.

sthn katanalwsh petrelaiou kai hlektrikou mporoume na exoinomhsoume xrhmata voh8wntas taytoxrona kai to perivallon.

kai h iatrikh peri8alpsh mporei na apotelesei megalo exodo. mhn phgainete sto giatro me thn idia syxnothta pou klanete. frontiste thn ygeia sas, trwte ygeina, xaste varos an einai aparaithto, kante gymnastikh. oi megales mastiges tis epoxhs mas dhmiourgh8hkan apo mia koultoura vasismenh sto stress, thn elleipsh xronou kai thn ypova8mismenh poiothta zwhs.

gia onoma tou 8eou plenete ta dontia sas toulaxiston meta to prwino kai prin ton ypno. skefteite oti ta xalasmena dontia 8a sas prokalesoun exoda xiliadwn eyrw, synh8ws ekei pou den to perimenete.

an exete palia tshirt gia petama, xrhsimopoihste ta gia xeskonopana h kopste ta se lwrides gia thn apotrixwsh me keri.

gia na xrhsimopieite ta xyrafakia sas perissotero, skoupiste apala meta th xrhsh kai valte ta sto ntoulapi, anti na ta afhnete sto ntous opou eiani ekte8imena sthn ygrasia.

gia na kaigontai pio arga ta keria sas, valte ta sthn katapsyxh gia merikes wres prin ta xrhsimopihsete.

mh petate ta palia hmerologia toixou. an kapoio apo ta topia h alles eikones sas aresan idiaitera, mporeite na to xrhsimopoihsete san poster mono tou h me mia aplh kai fthnh korniza kai na to valete ston toixo. alliws dwste ta sta paidia sas na kanoun kollaz.

synh8ws diname sta paidia periodika gia na knoun kollaz. ta periodika synh8ws einai akriva kai apogohevoun afou einai pio gemata em diafhmhseis para me perioexomeno. an yparxei kapoio periodiko pou sas endiaferei idiaitera, tote kalytera na kanete mia syndromh afou etsi glitwnete perissotera apo thn timh teyxous sta periptera. skefteite oti mporeite na enhmerw8eite gia opoiodhpote 8ema sas endiaferei kai na diavasete kala periodika dwrean, online.

axiopoihste to internet kai gia na kanete oikonomia se akriva thlefwnhmata exwterikou: xrhsimopoihste skype, msn messenger kai ena headset gia na milhsete me filous kai syggeneis sto exwteriko dwrean apo computer se computer, h apo to computer sas sto thlefwno tous poly fthna mesw internet.

otan xreiazeste na daneisteite kati, steilte ena email stous gnwstous sas na rwthsete, den kostizei tipota!

anti na parete ena akrivo dwro h ena kouti glyka se mia episkepsh, pshste ena kehk, 8a sas er8ei pio fthna kai 8a eiani kai pio psorwpiko to dwro! epishs 8a exaskhsete thn zaxaroplastikh sas!

(sthn ellada isws ayth h symvoulh na einai ligo atoph) vreite mia daneistikh vivlio8hkh anti na agorazete vivlia. merikes vivlio8hkes exoun kai dvd anti na ta noikiazete sto videoclub.

zhthste apo filous sas na daneisteite vivlia h dvd pou exoun anti na ta agorasete, kai fysika antapodwste th xarh otan mporeite.

kaleste tous filous sas gia faghto sto spiti sas, anti na kanonisete na vgeite se estiatorio kai dokimaste na ftiaxete kati kainourio. mhn pate an agorasete akriva vivlia mageirikhs, mporeite na vreite syntages sto internet gia ta panta (kai ta koala).

o daneismos metaxy filwn den sas glitwnei lefta mono gia vivlia. akoma an xreiazeste ena ergaleio mono mia fora h gia ligo kairo, einai krima na to agorasete. rwthste an kapoios gnwstos sas to exei kai mporei na sas to daneisei.

an ta paidia sas exoun vare8ei ta paixnidia tous, koitaxte an mporoun na ta antallaxoun me kapoiou allou paidiou, anti na tous pairnete synexeia kainouria. fysika den prepei na einai spasmena.

ma8ete na episkevazete ta pragmata sas anti na ta petate kai na pairnete kainouria. ena swro pragmata mporoun na ftiaxtoun me aplh kolla! rapste to koumpi pou leipei apo to poukamiso sas anti na to afhnete petameno se mia gwnia ths ntoulapas sas. parte ena kalo sprey gia tous lekedes anti na afhnete ena wraio rouxo aforeto epeidh den mphkate akoma ston kopo na ka8arisete th saltsa pou sas epese prin 3 mhnes.

mh dinete se zhtianous. einai protimotero ta 5-6 evrw se psila pou dinete to mhna na ta kanete souma mia fora to xrono kai na ta dwsete se enan organismo ths empistosynhs sas, pou parexei trofh kai stegh tous aporous kai astegous ths perioxhs sas.

dhlwste symmetoxh gia kapoio filan8rwpiko skopo tis giortes, an exete elef8ero xrono. polla swmateia organwnoun bazaar me eidh apo deytero xeri kai spitika glyka. afierwste ligo xrono na xeka8arisete thn ntoulapa sas h ta paixnidia twn paidiwn sas kai ferte ta ekei h pshste kai kana kehk, den 8a sas poume kai gynaikoula.

koitaxte gia rouxa, oxi mono paidika alla kai gia sas, se magazia kai bazaar second hand prin katey8yn8eite sta magazia. den 8a kollhsete lepra. mhn petate ta palia sas rouxa sta skoupidia! osa den kanoun pia sta paidia sas, deste ta se mikrotera anhpsakia, paidia filwn sas h sthn enoria sas, se kapoio filan8rwpiko idryma ktl.

gia ta dika sas rouxa mporeite na organwsete ena vrady me tis files sas, opou h ka8emia fernei kapoia kommatia pou den 8elei, kai na ta antallaxete metaxy sas, opws kaname sto gymnasio!

ena swro pragmata tou spitiou mporoun na antallaxtoun me alla gnwstwn mas, otan p.x paroume ena dwro pou den antiprowswpeyoun to gousto mas h exoume vare8ei na vlepoume ta idia kai ta idia pragmata sto spiti mas opws vaza, pinakes, servitsia ktl.

genikws koitate panta an yparxei periptwsh na vreite kati xrhsimopoihmeno prin agorasete kainourio. den einai mono oikonomikotero, alla kai den 8a epivarynete to perivallon. to kostos enos kainouriou pragmatos den antanaklatai mono sthn timh tou. ka8e proion pou agorazoume exei epivarynei to perivallon, apo thn paragwgh prwtwn ylwn, ta xhmika toun ergostasiou, metaforika ktl.

stamathste na kokoreyeste ston eyato sas gia to gegonos oti dwsate to tade poso gia na parete to tade kainourio pragma. einai dynaton na eiste perhfanoi epeidh odhghte thn oikogeneia sas sto xreos kai ena oikonomika anasfales mellon? arxiste na skefteste pws mporeite na zhsete xodevontas ligotera apo osa vgazete.

love is...

...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt

my xmas gifts

truth be told, i despise xmas. my best xmas ever was last year, when in fact, i didnt celebrate it (ok and because some mind-blowing sex was involved instead of singing retarded songs in front of a dead tree with kitschy junk hanging from it). so point is, i d rather not "celebrate" it specially as, duh, i m not christian. but due to social norms, a christian family, yiddy yadda, i am supposed to attend and get gifts to go with it. i resent this. i resent xmas markets. i dont know what makes me more dizzy. squeezing my frozen ass through all these people in guilt-free consumer frenzy or the pre-xmas prices.

i had decided to do it differently this year. firstly, cuz my budget aint very generous, secondly, seeing as my (god)mother has been uncluttering the house and garage the last couple months after my nagging her for ages, praising the advantages of a tidy home, how much more space she will have, how much time for cleaning up she will save, how she can freecycle all her extra stuff at the charity thrift store... i thought it would have been quite hypocritical never mention un-christian of me to send them more stuff to sit around and gather dust.

my idea was to send my love along with some chocolates as everybody loves chocolates and well, chocolates never take up any space for too long.... i went out to the supermarket back in november because supposedly, i would send out xmas parcels in time for xmas this year, got several big packs of different small round filled chocolates for, well, everybody, came home, mix and matched them, put them in pretty praline sachets, matching ribbons with inspired knots, stickers, packed them in boxes with frilly paper... and then i realised i d have to pay much more to actually send the parcels... bummer.

so instead, my gifts were: for my swiss in-laws who in a very protestant manner prefer to live way under their means and donate the rest, i chose a voucher for a meal at the "blind cow" restaurant in their city, which is a place run by an organisation for the blind. this was a multiple hit as it is not just a dine out but is quite an experience as you dine in absolute darkness and it's also for a self help organisation. for my family in alaska who also love to give for causes, i made a gift certificate in their name at a microfinancing organisation that gives loans to small business owners in developing countries. and when the borrowers pay back the loan, they can lend it again to someone else!

my flatmate and i agreed to not give any gifts to each other and instead put the savings towards a holiday together. i am eyeing so many destinations this year, from a city trip to barcelone to trecking in guatemala... and long overdue home visits to alaska and greece. the rest of my loved ones get my unconditional love and fiery loyalty which i could never match adequately with any gift that costs money. wait now that i think about it, maybe with the exception of my sugar who wants a sailing boat. ha, ha, ha.

oh and i got about a ton of filled pralines left in the cupboard...


MERRY CHRISTMAS

i stopped working from a job i really loved a couple years back, and decided to live on savings and go after getting a degree which i also very much want. but lately i realised that if i go on living as i did while i was earning, i will have to take work again soon. not work that i love though. i hated that thought.

i got really sick of having no time when in fact, i have all the time in the world. not doing much the whole day, throwing together some quick dinner with whatever was there instead of preparing it ahead. i got sick of facebook. i deactivated the account there. i dont think anybody missed me anyway. suddenly i had sooo much more time. i stopped being in front of the desktop most of my day. i am concentrated now when i m studying as i'm not constantly interrupting myself to check the latest email that beeped its way in my inbox. also, i have my whole day to my hands and legs to go for walks, swims, watch movies, or take care of a big flat neglected for about two years. also, weird as it might sound, i have time to make tea in the mornings and the afternoons every day :)

back in august i told my flatmate that i am sick of all the paper mountains that added up for recycling, because he had the very bad habit of bringing the paper back home in the evenings. i forbid him to bring back the newspapers! the trains have a special bin for papers so he could dispose of them there if he forgot to do so at work. so, we have much less paper to recycle now. much, much less paper. you can see the other half floor of his office room.

i cancelled the cable tv subscription. well, that sort of took care of itself because the cable company decided to update the machines so that the old ones wouldnt work anymore. so i thought, fine. no cable. it's a blessing because tv really is crap. then i cancelled the landline telephone. with mobile phones, we hardly use it and mostly when it rings it's to sell insurance or whatever. i started barking at all those annoying callers, especially as they call often after 7 in the evening and even on saturdays and now i think the calls have diminished. but i cancelled the landline anyway, as it really was wasted money. i also cancelled my contract mobile phone, keeping the one which i can load up with credit whenever i want to. i minimised phone calls and write more texts and talk to people online.

i cancelled a couple magazine subscriptions that i hardly read and were crap and just ads that make you feel fat and ugly from first to last page. i kept one subscription of a magazine with well researched articles on women's issues, without fashion, dieting and all that bull.

just a few weeks ago, i decided to stop the online grocery deliveries, and get groceries on my way home from the stores next to the pool where i swim. also, i set aside a certain amount for groceries each month and now i check and compare prices before i put something in the basket. i keep the receipts, too. i have cut down dramatically on meat and anything processed or "specialties" that are simply expensive. i look for the day's "deals" and opt for those. i'm saving at least one third up to a half of what i spent before for food. i'm making my flatmate take lunch from home at least twice a week -oh and i sneak fruit into his backpack for snacks.

i ve been nagging him to get a third person in the household as the rent has gone up 15% since we moved here a little over two years ago, due to the increase in heating costs. i could move my workroom into my bedroom and free up that room for sublet but he is too afraid to have a stranger which i understand, but still when i think that "stranger" could take over one fourth of the rent i dont mind that much. besides it could turn out pretty cool.

housewise, i am more or less done with the big decluttering project i took on in august. i lightened my closet to about one third of its initial contents by giving away stuff or bringing it to charity. right now i dont need the second closet. i put away i ve put away the extra towels and bedstuff and the extras of the extras and now i can see what's in those cupboards... why on earth did i have that many towels or bedsheets in the first place escapes me as does why i have so many tablecloths, or curtains, or bath mats... and so on. they are all stacked away in the basement now together with a couple bags of summer clothes and i am undecided between giving it away or keeping them for replacement when my current things are worn off.

the prices of clothes and most everything, really, in switzerland are irritating me, especially after living a year abroad and seeing how much cheaper things are there. so i ve decided to only do shopping when i m abroad on a trip! speaking of trips i also decided to only take trips from now on that i am going to make the most of and enjoy fully. i was planning a trip to barcelona in february which i m sure would be a lovely city trip with museums and such but i realised what i really want is a beach and sun vacation so now looking for alternatives for the same budget...

xmas. i hate it. i hate the whole finding and buying gifts just because i have to. i have reduced gifts to the absolute minimum over the years, that means, only immediate family.

i'm getting a new niece!

when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)

but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.

if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.

see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.

oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller

i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p


the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february



and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol

memory foam

school is out for the week and my sugar is arriving monday night. that means i ve got five days to make the flat at least appear clean and tidy, fill the fridge, plan for her fav foods that she has pre ordered and change the sheets. oh, and brush the cats so they look all shiny for aunty. i already told my big daughter tonight that "guess what, guess what, aunty who loves you is coming" and she was like "yeah, right, hope she brings some snacks..."

i read somewhere tonight that "our fears are like children growing up without parents" any insight?

goodnight, or goodmorning... (click for song)

do you know that when we're in love our brain kinda photoshop -beautifies the object of our desire so that we perceive them as flawless?

well this happens to me not only with whatever person i m in love with. it also happens with my friends. for example if you ask me i ll tell you that she is probably the most beautiful woman in the world.

today

"what passed
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"

was ging,
blieb niocht,
was kommt,
passoert noch.

what is left?

today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future