late night blogging

mamà,

it is time for you to take a stance.

you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.

you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.

we are a very gay family.

you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.

i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.

i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.

when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.

you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?

you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?

no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.

mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;

you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.

you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!

mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.

i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...


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