an amazing week

yes what an amazing week i ve had. new classes and all, but most importantly, I have come to some realisations/insight call it what you may, but a lot of things suddenly make sense and i got some answers.

on top of that all,

my sister wrote to me today to thank me for what i ve done for her because these things "have defined her to a great extent" and she is "happy to have become who she is because of it".

thanking me for what I've done for her over the years. I didnt really expect or even want a recognition for being her big sister. it's really more than my pleasure to do whatever i can from funding her studies to listening to her heartbreaks, sometimes being the big sister and sometimes being just her sister. i take pride in this "role" and and she is so precious to me.

of course, having such a cool person for a sister does help - never mention she is stunning to look at with her flaming green eyes and honest smile. She's only 20 but she lacks this self consciousness that makes one a shy, reserved person constantly doubting themselves, she is confident, free spirited and brave and to your face, i can only admire her and pretty sure she will keep most of it up because this is the core of her character and has been since she was very small. she has an amazing ability which is to be in the here and now of each moment with her whole being. this makes her a very alive and vibrant person with no regrets, truly an example a lot of people should take after including myself. although she is so young she is self reliant and often she will ask me for this or that and by the time i get the means to help her she will say "iz allright - got it!" or never mind, wasn't much of a deal after all.

i know lots of people don't have much to do with their siblings and i am deeply thankful for my relationship to mine. there's no shit that could come in my life that would stop me from being the fullest i could be for my sister and certainly ain't nobody gonna come in between. just as she has been a full sister to me from the moment she was old enough to see me as her sister and not as the mother substitute that i essentially and without choice i had to be.

still it feels really good to get a thanks because

it means she is thankful and does not take things for granted

she is kind and humble enough to recognise external influence

she is able to see and pick out on the love and attention and positive things out of an ugly childhood situation instead of blaming life, the universe and pretty much anybody who has ever crossed her path for her bad luck, and using it as the perfect excuse to demonstrating anger and abnoxiousness at anyone who comes her way - it shows me she is a person taking responsibility for her life and experience.

besides, it's refreshing to see a 20 year old who won't thank you for the clothes or gadgets you ve bought her but instead for paying her travels and simply for being there. and let me tell you a sister is a sacred thing to be.