was supposed to drive to regensburg (Raincastle) in germany this morning with friends and return sunday afternoon. but the weather forecast for bavaria was bad and we decided to cancel it. was disappointing but then instead we went for a hike to regensberg (Rainmountain), which is a village on a hill with a medieval castle behind the village where i live (no snow storms over here)
anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....
i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!
in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.
initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!
then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol
put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.
i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
a cynic!?
i just realised today that i ve become cynical. wow. what have i come to. not necesserily a bad thing but not a good thing either.
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
remembering or forgetting?
been spending some time immobilised in bed. dont really want to read. can't concentrate, i m having a very "fertile" period in my brain these weeks. it demands no distractions, bombards me with memories at day and dreams at night.
so instead of taking my mind off it with a good book, i m listening to good music, singing along, listening again, feeling deeper, singing better.
thinking, remembering. i am glad to remember. there is so much stuff that, in a very well thought wish, would prefer had never happened. but happen they did and as long as things happen, i am glader to remember them than to forget them. tears are bitter. but the water of forgetting would be bitterer. i imagine it would offer me sweet bliss, leave me with some empty spots, maybe some sort of phantom pains, maybe put me at some kind of peace with the world - but it would withhold from me the resolution, the strength, the lessons of tears. and then that's the stuff that puts me at peace with myself.
i listen to the beautiful songs of my beloved composers and poets and i get lost in translating the images
so instead of taking my mind off it with a good book, i m listening to good music, singing along, listening again, feeling deeper, singing better.
thinking, remembering. i am glad to remember. there is so much stuff that, in a very well thought wish, would prefer had never happened. but happen they did and as long as things happen, i am glader to remember them than to forget them. tears are bitter. but the water of forgetting would be bitterer. i imagine it would offer me sweet bliss, leave me with some empty spots, maybe some sort of phantom pains, maybe put me at some kind of peace with the world - but it would withhold from me the resolution, the strength, the lessons of tears. and then that's the stuff that puts me at peace with myself.
i listen to the beautiful songs of my beloved composers and poets and i get lost in translating the images
Monday, December 28, 2009
pws na glitwsete lefta
den xreiazete sto spiti sas na epikratoun syn8hkes kayswna kai to xeimwna. katevaste to 8ermostath sas stous 18 va8mous. forontas kaltses h pantofles kai ena fouter h ena fleece mesa sto spiti 8a eisaste zesta kai 8a kanete oikonomia sto petrelaio. anapste to tzaki anti na to exete mono san diakosmhtiko stoixeio. an exete ypodapedia 8ermansh, mazepste ta xalia sas, mplokaroun th zesth kai sas prokaloun apwleies energeias.
otan pshnete, afhste sto telos thn porta tou fournou anoixth gia na zestanete to xwro sas
einai shmantiko na aerizoume to spiti mas mia me dyo fores thn hmera. mhn xehnate omws ta para8yra anoixta otan aerizete to spiti. mporeite na kanete to exhs: anoixte ta para8yra se ena ena ta dwmatia, perimenete tria leptakia kai meta arxiste na ta kleinete me thn idia seira pou ta anoixate.
an exete provlhma xhrou aera mesa sto spiti to xeimwna, den einai anagkh na agorasete afygranthra. valte vregmenes petsetes panw sta kalorifer sas - gia ypodapedia 8ermansh, afhste mia katsarola me vrasto nero sto dwmatio sas prin koimh8eite. mhn afhnete na sas plasaroun proionta ws anagkes, otan yparxoun aples, fthnes lyseis.
vgazete apo thn mpriza syskeves opws thleorash, dvd player, microwave ktl anti na tis afhnete sto standby. mhn afhnete fortistes sthn priza.
odhgeite to aytokinhto sas oikologika, ayto shmainei oxi mono alla kai na elegxete thn piesh sta lastixa sas taktika. svhste th mhxanh otan eiste stamathmenoi perimenontas kapoion, ktl.
sthn katanalwsh petrelaiou kai hlektrikou mporoume na exoinomhsoume xrhmata voh8wntas taytoxrona kai to perivallon.
kai h iatrikh peri8alpsh mporei na apotelesei megalo exodo. mhn phgainete sto giatro me thn idia syxnothta pou klanete. frontiste thn ygeia sas, trwte ygeina, xaste varos an einai aparaithto, kante gymnastikh. oi megales mastiges tis epoxhs mas dhmiourgh8hkan apo mia koultoura vasismenh sto stress, thn elleipsh xronou kai thn ypova8mismenh poiothta zwhs.
gia onoma tou 8eou plenete ta dontia sas toulaxiston meta to prwino kai prin ton ypno. skefteite oti ta xalasmena dontia 8a sas prokalesoun exoda xiliadwn eyrw, synh8ws ekei pou den to perimenete.
an exete palia tshirt gia petama, xrhsimopoihste ta gia xeskonopana h kopste ta se lwrides gia thn apotrixwsh me keri.
gia na xrhsimopieite ta xyrafakia sas perissotero, skoupiste apala meta th xrhsh kai valte ta sto ntoulapi, anti na ta afhnete sto ntous opou eiani ekte8imena sthn ygrasia.
gia na kaigontai pio arga ta keria sas, valte ta sthn katapsyxh gia merikes wres prin ta xrhsimopihsete.
mh petate ta palia hmerologia toixou. an kapoio apo ta topia h alles eikones sas aresan idiaitera, mporeite na to xrhsimopoihsete san poster mono tou h me mia aplh kai fthnh korniza kai na to valete ston toixo. alliws dwste ta sta paidia sas na kanoun kollaz.
synh8ws diname sta paidia periodika gia na knoun kollaz. ta periodika synh8ws einai akriva kai apogohevoun afou einai pio gemata em diafhmhseis para me perioexomeno. an yparxei kapoio periodiko pou sas endiaferei idiaitera, tote kalytera na kanete mia syndromh afou etsi glitwnete perissotera apo thn timh teyxous sta periptera. skefteite oti mporeite na enhmerw8eite gia opoiodhpote 8ema sas endiaferei kai na diavasete kala periodika dwrean, online.
axiopoihste to internet kai gia na kanete oikonomia se akriva thlefwnhmata exwterikou: xrhsimopoihste skype, msn messenger kai ena headset gia na milhsete me filous kai syggeneis sto exwteriko dwrean apo computer se computer, h apo to computer sas sto thlefwno tous poly fthna mesw internet.
otan xreiazeste na daneisteite kati, steilte ena email stous gnwstous sas na rwthsete, den kostizei tipota!
anti na parete ena akrivo dwro h ena kouti glyka se mia episkepsh, pshste ena kehk, 8a sas er8ei pio fthna kai 8a eiani kai pio psorwpiko to dwro! epishs 8a exaskhsete thn zaxaroplastikh sas!
(sthn ellada isws ayth h symvoulh na einai ligo atoph) vreite mia daneistikh vivlio8hkh anti na agorazete vivlia. merikes vivlio8hkes exoun kai dvd anti na ta noikiazete sto videoclub.
zhthste apo filous sas na daneisteite vivlia h dvd pou exoun anti na ta agorasete, kai fysika antapodwste th xarh otan mporeite.
kaleste tous filous sas gia faghto sto spiti sas, anti na kanonisete na vgeite se estiatorio kai dokimaste na ftiaxete kati kainourio. mhn pate an agorasete akriva vivlia mageirikhs, mporeite na vreite syntages sto internet gia ta panta (kai ta koala).
o daneismos metaxy filwn den sas glitwnei lefta mono gia vivlia. akoma an xreiazeste ena ergaleio mono mia fora h gia ligo kairo, einai krima na to agorasete. rwthste an kapoios gnwstos sas to exei kai mporei na sas to daneisei.
an ta paidia sas exoun vare8ei ta paixnidia tous, koitaxte an mporoun na ta antallaxoun me kapoiou allou paidiou, anti na tous pairnete synexeia kainouria. fysika den prepei na einai spasmena.
ma8ete na episkevazete ta pragmata sas anti na ta petate kai na pairnete kainouria. ena swro pragmata mporoun na ftiaxtoun me aplh kolla! rapste to koumpi pou leipei apo to poukamiso sas anti na to afhnete petameno se mia gwnia ths ntoulapas sas. parte ena kalo sprey gia tous lekedes anti na afhnete ena wraio rouxo aforeto epeidh den mphkate akoma ston kopo na ka8arisete th saltsa pou sas epese prin 3 mhnes.
mh dinete se zhtianous. einai protimotero ta 5-6 evrw se psila pou dinete to mhna na ta kanete souma mia fora to xrono kai na ta dwsete se enan organismo ths empistosynhs sas, pou parexei trofh kai stegh tous aporous kai astegous ths perioxhs sas.
dhlwste symmetoxh gia kapoio filan8rwpiko skopo tis giortes, an exete elef8ero xrono. polla swmateia organwnoun bazaar me eidh apo deytero xeri kai spitika glyka. afierwste ligo xrono na xeka8arisete thn ntoulapa sas h ta paixnidia twn paidiwn sas kai ferte ta ekei h pshste kai kana kehk, den 8a sas poume kai gynaikoula.
koitaxte gia rouxa, oxi mono paidika alla kai gia sas, se magazia kai bazaar second hand prin katey8yn8eite sta magazia. den 8a kollhsete lepra. mhn petate ta palia sas rouxa sta skoupidia! osa den kanoun pia sta paidia sas, deste ta se mikrotera anhpsakia, paidia filwn sas h sthn enoria sas, se kapoio filan8rwpiko idryma ktl.
gia ta dika sas rouxa mporeite na organwsete ena vrady me tis files sas, opou h ka8emia fernei kapoia kommatia pou den 8elei, kai na ta antallaxete metaxy sas, opws kaname sto gymnasio!
ena swro pragmata tou spitiou mporoun na antallaxtoun me alla gnwstwn mas, otan p.x paroume ena dwro pou den antiprowswpeyoun to gousto mas h exoume vare8ei na vlepoume ta idia kai ta idia pragmata sto spiti mas opws vaza, pinakes, servitsia ktl.
genikws koitate panta an yparxei periptwsh na vreite kati xrhsimopoihmeno prin agorasete kainourio. den einai mono oikonomikotero, alla kai den 8a epivarynete to perivallon. to kostos enos kainouriou pragmatos den antanaklatai mono sthn timh tou. ka8e proion pou agorazoume exei epivarynei to perivallon, apo thn paragwgh prwtwn ylwn, ta xhmika toun ergostasiou, metaforika ktl.
stamathste na kokoreyeste ston eyato sas gia to gegonos oti dwsate to tade poso gia na parete to tade kainourio pragma. einai dynaton na eiste perhfanoi epeidh odhghte thn oikogeneia sas sto xreos kai ena oikonomika anasfales mellon? arxiste na skefteste pws mporeite na zhsete xodevontas ligotera apo osa vgazete.
love is...
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
Saturday, December 26, 2009
my xmas gifts
truth be told, i despise xmas. my best xmas ever was last year, when in fact, i didnt celebrate it (ok and because some mind-blowing sex was involved instead of singing retarded songs in front of a dead tree with kitschy junk hanging from it). so point is, i d rather not "celebrate" it specially as, duh, i m not christian. but due to social norms, a christian family, yiddy yadda, i am supposed to attend and get gifts to go with it. i resent this. i resent xmas markets. i dont know what makes me more dizzy. squeezing my frozen ass through all these people in guilt-free consumer frenzy or the pre-xmas prices.
i had decided to do it differently this year. firstly, cuz my budget aint very generous, secondly, seeing as my (god)mother has been uncluttering the house and garage the last couple months after my nagging her for ages, praising the advantages of a tidy home, how much more space she will have, how much time for cleaning up she will save, how she can freecycle all her extra stuff at the charity thrift store... i thought it would have been quite hypocritical never mention un-christian of me to send them more stuff to sit around and gather dust.
my idea was to send my love along with some chocolates as everybody loves chocolates and well, chocolates never take up any space for too long.... i went out to the supermarket back in november because supposedly, i would send out xmas parcels in time for xmas this year, got several big packs of different small round filled chocolates for, well, everybody, came home, mix and matched them, put them in pretty praline sachets, matching ribbons with inspired knots, stickers, packed them in boxes with frilly paper... and then i realised i d have to pay much more to actually send the parcels... bummer.
so instead, my gifts were: for my swiss in-laws who in a very protestant manner prefer to live way under their means and donate the rest, i chose a voucher for a meal at the "blind cow" restaurant in their city, which is a place run by an organisation for the blind. this was a multiple hit as it is not just a dine out but is quite an experience as you dine in absolute darkness and it's also for a self help organisation. for my family in alaska who also love to give for causes, i made a gift certificate in their name at a microfinancing organisation that gives loans to small business owners in developing countries. and when the borrowers pay back the loan, they can lend it again to someone else!
my flatmate and i agreed to not give any gifts to each other and instead put the savings towards a holiday together. i am eyeing so many destinations this year, from a city trip to barcelone to trecking in guatemala... and long overdue home visits to alaska and greece. the rest of my loved ones get my unconditional love and fiery loyalty which i could never match adequately with any gift that costs money. wait now that i think about it, maybe with the exception of my sugar who wants a sailing boat. ha, ha, ha.
oh and i got about a ton of filled pralines left in the cupboard...
MERRY CHRISTMAS
i had decided to do it differently this year. firstly, cuz my budget aint very generous, secondly, seeing as my (god)mother has been uncluttering the house and garage the last couple months after my nagging her for ages, praising the advantages of a tidy home, how much more space she will have, how much time for cleaning up she will save, how she can freecycle all her extra stuff at the charity thrift store... i thought it would have been quite hypocritical never mention un-christian of me to send them more stuff to sit around and gather dust.
my idea was to send my love along with some chocolates as everybody loves chocolates and well, chocolates never take up any space for too long.... i went out to the supermarket back in november because supposedly, i would send out xmas parcels in time for xmas this year, got several big packs of different small round filled chocolates for, well, everybody, came home, mix and matched them, put them in pretty praline sachets, matching ribbons with inspired knots, stickers, packed them in boxes with frilly paper... and then i realised i d have to pay much more to actually send the parcels... bummer.
so instead, my gifts were: for my swiss in-laws who in a very protestant manner prefer to live way under their means and donate the rest, i chose a voucher for a meal at the "blind cow" restaurant in their city, which is a place run by an organisation for the blind. this was a multiple hit as it is not just a dine out but is quite an experience as you dine in absolute darkness and it's also for a self help organisation. for my family in alaska who also love to give for causes, i made a gift certificate in their name at a microfinancing organisation that gives loans to small business owners in developing countries. and when the borrowers pay back the loan, they can lend it again to someone else!
my flatmate and i agreed to not give any gifts to each other and instead put the savings towards a holiday together. i am eyeing so many destinations this year, from a city trip to barcelone to trecking in guatemala... and long overdue home visits to alaska and greece. the rest of my loved ones get my unconditional love and fiery loyalty which i could never match adequately with any gift that costs money. wait now that i think about it, maybe with the exception of my sugar who wants a sailing boat. ha, ha, ha.
oh and i got about a ton of filled pralines left in the cupboard...
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Monday, December 21, 2009
i stopped working from a job i really loved a couple years back, and decided to live on savings and go after getting a degree which i also very much want. but lately i realised that if i go on living as i did while i was earning, i will have to take work again soon. not work that i love though. i hated that thought.
i got really sick of having no time when in fact, i have all the time in the world. not doing much the whole day, throwing together some quick dinner with whatever was there instead of preparing it ahead. i got sick of facebook. i deactivated the account there. i dont think anybody missed me anyway. suddenly i had sooo much more time. i stopped being in front of the desktop most of my day. i am concentrated now when i m studying as i'm not constantly interrupting myself to check the latest email that beeped its way in my inbox. also, i have my whole day to my hands and legs to go for walks, swims, watch movies, or take care of a big flat neglected for about two years. also, weird as it might sound, i have time to make tea in the mornings and the afternoons every day :)
back in august i told my flatmate that i am sick of all the paper mountains that added up for recycling, because he had the very bad habit of bringing the paper back home in the evenings. i forbid him to bring back the newspapers! the trains have a special bin for papers so he could dispose of them there if he forgot to do so at work. so, we have much less paper to recycle now. much, much less paper. you can see the other half floor of his office room.
i cancelled the cable tv subscription. well, that sort of took care of itself because the cable company decided to update the machines so that the old ones wouldnt work anymore. so i thought, fine. no cable. it's a blessing because tv really is crap. then i cancelled the landline telephone. with mobile phones, we hardly use it and mostly when it rings it's to sell insurance or whatever. i started barking at all those annoying callers, especially as they call often after 7 in the evening and even on saturdays and now i think the calls have diminished. but i cancelled the landline anyway, as it really was wasted money. i also cancelled my contract mobile phone, keeping the one which i can load up with credit whenever i want to. i minimised phone calls and write more texts and talk to people online.
i cancelled a couple magazine subscriptions that i hardly read and were crap and just ads that make you feel fat and ugly from first to last page. i kept one subscription of a magazine with well researched articles on women's issues, without fashion, dieting and all that bull.
just a few weeks ago, i decided to stop the online grocery deliveries, and get groceries on my way home from the stores next to the pool where i swim. also, i set aside a certain amount for groceries each month and now i check and compare prices before i put something in the basket. i keep the receipts, too. i have cut down dramatically on meat and anything processed or "specialties" that are simply expensive. i look for the day's "deals" and opt for those. i'm saving at least one third up to a half of what i spent before for food. i'm making my flatmate take lunch from home at least twice a week -oh and i sneak fruit into his backpack for snacks.
i ve been nagging him to get a third person in the household as the rent has gone up 15% since we moved here a little over two years ago, due to the increase in heating costs. i could move my workroom into my bedroom and free up that room for sublet but he is too afraid to have a stranger which i understand, but still when i think that "stranger" could take over one fourth of the rent i dont mind that much. besides it could turn out pretty cool.
housewise, i am more or less done with the big decluttering project i took on in august. i lightened my closet to about one third of its initial contents by giving away stuff or bringing it to charity. right now i dont need the second closet. i put away i ve put away the extra towels and bedstuff and the extras of the extras and now i can see what's in those cupboards... why on earth did i have that many towels or bedsheets in the first place escapes me as does why i have so many tablecloths, or curtains, or bath mats... and so on. they are all stacked away in the basement now together with a couple bags of summer clothes and i am undecided between giving it away or keeping them for replacement when my current things are worn off.
the prices of clothes and most everything, really, in switzerland are irritating me, especially after living a year abroad and seeing how much cheaper things are there. so i ve decided to only do shopping when i m abroad on a trip! speaking of trips i also decided to only take trips from now on that i am going to make the most of and enjoy fully. i was planning a trip to barcelona in february which i m sure would be a lovely city trip with museums and such but i realised what i really want is a beach and sun vacation so now looking for alternatives for the same budget...
xmas. i hate it. i hate the whole finding and buying gifts just because i have to. i have reduced gifts to the absolute minimum over the years, that means, only immediate family.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
i'm getting a new niece!
when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
Thursday, November 19, 2009
memory foam
school is out for the week and my sugar is arriving monday night. that means i ve got five days to make the flat at least appear clean and tidy, fill the fridge, plan for her fav foods that she has pre ordered and change the sheets. oh, and brush the cats so they look all shiny for aunty. i already told my big daughter tonight that "guess what, guess what, aunty who loves you is coming" and she was like "yeah, right, hope she brings some snacks..."
i read somewhere tonight that "our fears are like children growing up without parents" any insight?
goodnight, or goodmorning... (click for song)
i read somewhere tonight that "our fears are like children growing up without parents" any insight?
goodnight, or goodmorning... (click for song)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
do you know that when we're in love our brain kinda photoshop -beautifies the object of our desire so that we perceive them as flawless?
well this happens to me not only with whatever person i m in love with. it also happens with my friends. for example if you ask me i ll tell you that she is probably the most beautiful woman in the world.
well this happens to me not only with whatever person i m in love with. it also happens with my friends. for example if you ask me i ll tell you that she is probably the most beautiful woman in the world.
sometimes life can turn so weird
and things you never expected happen. things you never gave up on because you didnt consider them to start with.
i met her in high school. we hit it off immediately, within a couple minutes, barely having exchanged a few sentences. i had just tranfered to that school a little late in the year leaving behind a couple of same minded friends i'd made in 10th grade and my new class didnt seem very promising people-wise. it was a relief to talk to someone who wasn't mainly preoccupied with maintaining a popular image and whose mind wasn't cluttered with the usual teenager crap. i was instantly in love. of course i didn't know it back then!
anyhow
sometimes life can turn so weird....
yep my very dear best friend is coming to visit in less than two weeks. she's bringing my god-daughter with her. her name is monster and we are anxious to see how she will get along with my own four furry children.
i cannot wait....
we're already debating whether we'll get kubrik or kurosawa
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ich verfechte die anarchie
Stopp mich nicht. Ich träume.
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
walking on sunshine
walking on sunshine...!!!
is how i feel these days. never mind the cold and rain. never mind november. i happily skipped the bus from the station hopping and kicking my way home to that tune.
yes, these days i come home and turn on the music and start dancing, i'm dancing and chopping vegetables, i'm dancing and washing salad, i'm dancing and bringing out the food, heck i would be dancing while eating if i could, although can't promise i wont be tapping my feet under the table.
my cats look at me with that "it's that time of year" look, yes, she's all jumps and dances and can't sit still for a moment!!!
well, truth be told i can't quite jump yet, only a teensy bit tonight but surely in a couple weeks i WILL jump again
what can say, i'm happy, i'm in love, things are going so well, with her and with everything and on top of that, I WILL be pregnant!
i can only say that my lovely friend noneed was absolutely right when she advised me on my birthday that it only goes up from here!!! [/FONT]
is how i feel these days. never mind the cold and rain. never mind november. i happily skipped the bus from the station hopping and kicking my way home to that tune.
yes, these days i come home and turn on the music and start dancing, i'm dancing and chopping vegetables, i'm dancing and washing salad, i'm dancing and bringing out the food, heck i would be dancing while eating if i could, although can't promise i wont be tapping my feet under the table.
my cats look at me with that "it's that time of year" look, yes, she's all jumps and dances and can't sit still for a moment!!!
well, truth be told i can't quite jump yet, only a teensy bit tonight but surely in a couple weeks i WILL jump again
what can say, i'm happy, i'm in love, things are going so well, with her and with everything and on top of that, I WILL be pregnant!
i can only say that my lovely friend noneed was absolutely right when she advised me on my birthday that it only goes up from here!!! [/FONT]
Monday, November 09, 2009
my fav book mine mine mine
is the little prince. it might as well be the or one of the most popular books as a favourite book.
noneed might say that this is not a book about undying friendship. i disagree. because the love you take from a true friendship, even if you part eventually, stays with you, in you, as part of you even.
as far as i'm concerned, people who "didn't get" the little prince or discarded it as a "sweet story" never fully made it to a person that touched me in a positive way or whose whatever touch i am happy to carry around with me...
on a happy happy note my foot injury has almost healed ( I wonder if i really had to go to the doctor today, my teas and own body seemed to do it over the weekend) and i am dancing, dancing, dancing to celebrate god i missed using my foot so bad i know i shouldnt really dance but i can't help it i'm so happy!!! hey i'm not jumping on it yet or anything, ok? -I love jumping when dancing. i'm so happy i haven't been that beautiful in three weeks
i'm also very happy that after a miserable week with me being grumpy to no end for pain and immobility combined with my menstrual obnoxiousness syndrom my flatmate didn't kick me out of the house emptying the contents of my closet and shelves out the window in some theatrical show of bursting patience, neither has my gf decided this relationship is too young to put up with this so i am very lucky. hey at least now she knows :p i
noneed might say that this is not a book about undying friendship. i disagree. because the love you take from a true friendship, even if you part eventually, stays with you, in you, as part of you even.
as far as i'm concerned, people who "didn't get" the little prince or discarded it as a "sweet story" never fully made it to a person that touched me in a positive way or whose whatever touch i am happy to carry around with me...
on a happy happy note my foot injury has almost healed ( I wonder if i really had to go to the doctor today, my teas and own body seemed to do it over the weekend) and i am dancing, dancing, dancing to celebrate god i missed using my foot so bad i know i shouldnt really dance but i can't help it i'm so happy!!! hey i'm not jumping on it yet or anything, ok? -I love jumping when dancing. i'm so happy i haven't been that beautiful in three weeks
i'm also very happy that after a miserable week with me being grumpy to no end for pain and immobility combined with my menstrual obnoxiousness syndrom my flatmate didn't kick me out of the house emptying the contents of my closet and shelves out the window in some theatrical show of bursting patience, neither has my gf decided this relationship is too young to put up with this so i am very lucky. hey at least now she knows :p i
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
sth wrong?
you wake up feeling fine but after a while you develop a illfitting, irritating feeling, you're trying to think clearly but there's sth blurring your concentration?
try cleaning your glasses
try cleaning your glasses
Monday, October 19, 2009
SUCCESS AND MOTHERHOOD DON'T GO TOGETHER? you can lick my toes!
studies/career and motherhood don't go together? you can lick my toes!
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
isn0t it all just amazing?
doesn't your soul overflow with happiness some times?
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
an evening trip
i took the train today to go see an exhibition of paintings of an old friend, that her sister organised it in her memory.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
baby, baby, baby mine mine baby small baby mine!
yes!
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
Monday, October 12, 2009
today
"what passed
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
Friday, October 09, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
Thursday, October 08, 2009
dessert for dinner
i wanted something sweet tonight so i got two apples that had started to lose firmness, peeled, chopped them, threw them into the non stick pan with a spoonful honey at high heat until they started to soften, turned off the heat, added couple withering bananas, sliced, mixing everything with some cinnamon, clove and ginger powder until bananas began to melt.
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
my sister and I
so.... sunday morning and after a sleepless night due to major excitement i was out the house to go pick up my sis.... she hadnt slept either having to leave home in the middle of the night to fly at dawn so we arrived at my place with energy levels of zombies and passed out until about midday. then we woke up and since then we've been talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming and then talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming!!!
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
Saturday, October 03, 2009
good vibes
aaaall over!!
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
interactive installation based on online dating
"...in online dating profiles what people do is talk about themselves, in maybe 200 words and they say the most important things about themselves and so it is a very fertile ground for building a mosaic of humanity"
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, always a day of opportunity to turn your week better.
today was a nice day. it didnt start in an ideal way but then some things happened that cheered me up. my sister and a friend. a friend who's been, in a way, patient with me for a long time.
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Ich verfechte die anarchie
Stopp mich nicht. Ich träume.
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Thursday, September 24, 2009
i'm getting a new niece!
when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
Thursday, September 10, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
Monday, September 07, 2009
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
poetry is art
this morning before i woke up... had a very peaceful dream. I had met this sweet girl, who was an artist. and she had made a very beautiful installation. and i was almost hypnotised by her creation, this piece of art. it was an interactive light/video installation showing sunset colours but it was kinda three dimensional and you could squint your eyes and see little lights shining expand over the colours. i think the dream might have been spurred by an experience i had yesterday evening, reading a very powerful poem. and because i was totally not prepared for it, it took me by surprise and went through to my core. i randomly opened my new coursebook and i had to stop myself from crying from the first stanza, amidst a bunch of teenagers also waiting for the train next to me. hadnt had that feeling of art overcoming me in a while, and it was simply life awakening.
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
υπάρχει ζωή μετά το σεξ;
άσχετος ο τίτλος.
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
ξανά μαζί
αυτή τη στιγμή είμαι σπίτι μου στην ελβετία. με τα γατιά, ακούγωντας εληνικό ραδιόφωνο απ το ίντερνετ. σε δέκα μέρες γυρνάω κάρντιφ να μαζέψω τα συμπράγκαλα και να δώσω το σπίτι. από σεπτέμβρη λονδινάκι με το καλό. επαρχία το κάρντιφ και δεν τσουλάει.
μέχρι τότε νιώθω σα να είμαι στη χώρα του πουθενά.
τί έχει συμβεί με μένα τόσο καιρό. καταρχήν πήγα κάρντιφ (στην ουαλλία είναι αυτό, πες αγγλία για να καταλάβεις ω, αγεωγράφητε) για σπουδές πέρισι τον αύγουστο. μετά τα χριστούγενα πήγα δυο βδομάδες νότια αφρική διακοπούλες. ζέβρες, λιοντάρια, ελεφαντάκια κι άλλα ζωάκια. άπλα. ήλιος. παραλίες. απέραντες. μπλε. με άσπρη άμμο. όχι ακριβώς το ελληνικό μπλε κι άσπρο. διαφορετικό. τεσπα να μη τα πολυλογώ. τη γνώρισα. έγινε το κοννέ. τί κοννέ δλδ της παναγιάς της μεγαλομουνιώτισσας έγινε. κατάλαβα τί πάει να πει σεξ. τί πάει να πει να έχεις κι άλλο και να μη μπορείς γιατί έχεις τελειώσει καμιά πενηνταριά φορές μέσα σε μισή ώρα. έγινα πολυοργασμικιά μπορείς να πεις.
περιμένω να πάω σε ένα μήνα να κάνω σεξ και να μαυρίσω. τέταρτη σχέση μέχρι τώρα, όλα καλά πάνε, αλλά δεν λέω τίποτα αυτή τη φορά. μακάρι να είναι αυτή που θα κρατήσει. μετά οπό τα τέσσερα ζωντόβολα και τις ανισόρροπες που πήγα κι έπεφτα μέχρι τώρα, φυσικά και αυτή μου έχει κάνει καλή εντύπωση ίσως όχι τόσο γιατί είναι σούπερ αλλά απλά γιατί είναι νορμάλ!! έμαθα κι εγώ κάποια πράγματα στο μεταξύ, να κάνω πέρα από νωρίς όταν το πράγμα δεν τσουλάει. τώρα θα δούμε. θα πάω αν κάτσω όλο το καλοκαίρι, τρεις μήνες δλδ, εκεί θά ναι χειμώνας, αλλά τεσπα, χειμώνας στην αφρική υπάρχει; δεν υπάρχει, 20 βαθμούς θά χει την ημέρα. να δούμε υποτίθεται πώς θα τα πάμε αν δεν είναι περίοδος διακοπών, γι αυτή βέβαια δεν θα είναι διακοπές, θα δουλεύει, αλλά για μένα διακοπές θα είναι, σπίτι της θα κάθομαι, να αγναντεύω τα σύννεφα. άντε να πάω να δω τα ελεφαντάκια και τα λιονταράκια. για μπάνια δεν ξέρω, επειδή θά ναι χειμώνας, αν θα είναι αρκετά ζεστά. ινδικός μεν, ωκεανός δε, πόσο ζεστός να είναι πια. θα δούμε κιόλας, δεν έχω αποφασίσει ακόμα 100% να το συνεχίσω.
μιλάω τελευταία με την αδερφή μου. χαίρομαι. με τους αδερφούς μου έχω χαθεί. στεναχωριέμαι. είμαι πολύ μόνη. δεν είαι και πολύ κινωνική. όχι ότι δεν θέλω, αλλά οι περισσότεροι μου τη δίνουν. οπότε αποφεύγω.
μέχρι τότε νιώθω σα να είμαι στη χώρα του πουθενά.
τί έχει συμβεί με μένα τόσο καιρό. καταρχήν πήγα κάρντιφ (στην ουαλλία είναι αυτό, πες αγγλία για να καταλάβεις ω, αγεωγράφητε) για σπουδές πέρισι τον αύγουστο. μετά τα χριστούγενα πήγα δυο βδομάδες νότια αφρική διακοπούλες. ζέβρες, λιοντάρια, ελεφαντάκια κι άλλα ζωάκια. άπλα. ήλιος. παραλίες. απέραντες. μπλε. με άσπρη άμμο. όχι ακριβώς το ελληνικό μπλε κι άσπρο. διαφορετικό. τεσπα να μη τα πολυλογώ. τη γνώρισα. έγινε το κοννέ. τί κοννέ δλδ της παναγιάς της μεγαλομουνιώτισσας έγινε. κατάλαβα τί πάει να πει σεξ. τί πάει να πει να έχεις κι άλλο και να μη μπορείς γιατί έχεις τελειώσει καμιά πενηνταριά φορές μέσα σε μισή ώρα. έγινα πολυοργασμικιά μπορείς να πεις.
περιμένω να πάω σε ένα μήνα να κάνω σεξ και να μαυρίσω. τέταρτη σχέση μέχρι τώρα, όλα καλά πάνε, αλλά δεν λέω τίποτα αυτή τη φορά. μακάρι να είναι αυτή που θα κρατήσει. μετά οπό τα τέσσερα ζωντόβολα και τις ανισόρροπες που πήγα κι έπεφτα μέχρι τώρα, φυσικά και αυτή μου έχει κάνει καλή εντύπωση ίσως όχι τόσο γιατί είναι σούπερ αλλά απλά γιατί είναι νορμάλ!! έμαθα κι εγώ κάποια πράγματα στο μεταξύ, να κάνω πέρα από νωρίς όταν το πράγμα δεν τσουλάει. τώρα θα δούμε. θα πάω αν κάτσω όλο το καλοκαίρι, τρεις μήνες δλδ, εκεί θά ναι χειμώνας, αλλά τεσπα, χειμώνας στην αφρική υπάρχει; δεν υπάρχει, 20 βαθμούς θά χει την ημέρα. να δούμε υποτίθεται πώς θα τα πάμε αν δεν είναι περίοδος διακοπών, γι αυτή βέβαια δεν θα είναι διακοπές, θα δουλεύει, αλλά για μένα διακοπές θα είναι, σπίτι της θα κάθομαι, να αγναντεύω τα σύννεφα. άντε να πάω να δω τα ελεφαντάκια και τα λιονταράκια. για μπάνια δεν ξέρω, επειδή θά ναι χειμώνας, αν θα είναι αρκετά ζεστά. ινδικός μεν, ωκεανός δε, πόσο ζεστός να είναι πια. θα δούμε κιόλας, δεν έχω αποφασίσει ακόμα 100% να το συνεχίσω.
μιλάω τελευταία με την αδερφή μου. χαίρομαι. με τους αδερφούς μου έχω χαθεί. στεναχωριέμαι. είμαι πολύ μόνη. δεν είαι και πολύ κινωνική. όχι ότι δεν θέλω, αλλά οι περισσότεροι μου τη δίνουν. οπότε αποφεύγω.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Okay Cheese lets look at your aspects in terms of Keywords.
Sun...I am
Moon ...I Feel
Mercury....I think
Venus.....I love
Mars......I Act
Jupiter....I expand
Saturn....I am limited, I fear
Uranus....I am unpredictible or unconventional
Neptune....I seek spirit (positive) or delusion (negative)
Pluto....I seek power or victimhood.
ASCENDANT....WHO I APPEAR TO BE WHEN YOU FIRST MEET ME.
NN (upside down horse shoe) I NEED TO BECOME THIS
Keywords for aspects
Conjunction-union of energies except with Saturn
Sextile-good relationship
Trine-very good relationship but so good we may not ever notice its there.
Square-gets our attention and asks us to do something hard
Opposition-asks us to do two things as once that conflict, may affect us sporadically or in an either/or kind of way depending on other factors.
Without taking into consideration the houses and signs of the other planets (which we cover later) and combining using the above key we can take your Moon and Venus aspects and say the following....
Sun Conjunction Venus 4°38 WHO I AM COMBINES AND MERGES EASILY WITH WHAT ATTRACTS ME
Moon Trine Venus 3°54 WHAT I FEEL IS IN HARMONY WITH WHAT I LOVE.
Moon Sextile Mars 4°51 MY ACTIONS COMPLIMENT MY FEELNGS
Moon Square Jupiter 0°21 MY NEEDS FOR EXPANSION IN MY LIFE TEND TO BE RESISTED BY MY FEELINGS>
MOON QUINCUNX ASCENDANT-WELL LEAVE THIS MINOR ASPECT FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Venus Sextile Mars 0°57 MY ACTIONS SUPPORT WHAT I LOVE
Venus Conjunction Saturn 5°25 I ENCOUNTER FEAR OR FEEL LIMITED WHEN I LOVE
Venus Sextile Uranus 4°56 I LOVE IN UNIQUE WAYS OR UNCONVENTIONALLY.
Venus Square Neptune 5°01 I CAN CREATE ILLUSIONS ABOUT LOVE THE FOOL MYSELF.
Venus Square Ascendant 1°41 WHEN YOU MEET ME< THE PERSON YOU MEET IS NOT THE PART THAT TELLS YOU WHAT I LOVE.
AS you can see each planet is in some way enhanced or limited by its relationship to other planets further refining how it is expressed.
Sun...I am
Moon ...I Feel
Mercury....I think
Venus.....I love
Mars......I Act
Jupiter....I expand
Saturn....I am limited, I fear
Uranus....I am unpredictible or unconventional
Neptune....I seek spirit (positive) or delusion (negative)
Pluto....I seek power or victimhood.
ASCENDANT....WHO I APPEAR TO BE WHEN YOU FIRST MEET ME.
NN (upside down horse shoe) I NEED TO BECOME THIS
Keywords for aspects
Conjunction-union of energies except with Saturn
Sextile-good relationship
Trine-very good relationship but so good we may not ever notice its there.
Square-gets our attention and asks us to do something hard
Opposition-asks us to do two things as once that conflict, may affect us sporadically or in an either/or kind of way depending on other factors.
Without taking into consideration the houses and signs of the other planets (which we cover later) and combining using the above key we can take your Moon and Venus aspects and say the following....
Sun Conjunction Venus 4°38 WHO I AM COMBINES AND MERGES EASILY WITH WHAT ATTRACTS ME
Moon Trine Venus 3°54 WHAT I FEEL IS IN HARMONY WITH WHAT I LOVE.
Moon Sextile Mars 4°51 MY ACTIONS COMPLIMENT MY FEELNGS
Moon Square Jupiter 0°21 MY NEEDS FOR EXPANSION IN MY LIFE TEND TO BE RESISTED BY MY FEELINGS>
MOON QUINCUNX ASCENDANT-WELL LEAVE THIS MINOR ASPECT FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Venus Sextile Mars 0°57 MY ACTIONS SUPPORT WHAT I LOVE
Venus Conjunction Saturn 5°25 I ENCOUNTER FEAR OR FEEL LIMITED WHEN I LOVE
Venus Sextile Uranus 4°56 I LOVE IN UNIQUE WAYS OR UNCONVENTIONALLY.
Venus Square Neptune 5°01 I CAN CREATE ILLUSIONS ABOUT LOVE THE FOOL MYSELF.
Venus Square Ascendant 1°41 WHEN YOU MEET ME< THE PERSON YOU MEET IS NOT THE PART THAT TELLS YOU WHAT I LOVE.
AS you can see each planet is in some way enhanced or limited by its relationship to other planets further refining how it is expressed.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
and am luvin it.
i love our class, there is not one person i despise or cannot stand, and none so far who cannot stand me, the tutors are very much into what they're doin so it's good fun, the subjects are obviously interesting since they representative of our intended prospective field of studies and career, and people have a good attitude possibly also because they've chosen to be where they are and it really depends on them to go where they wanna go.
today i got more familiar to three other really cool people, an english guy with an irish name and irish parents, a welsh girl whose parents are english, and a welsh guy who is well, just welsh :P and he actually speaks welsh and told me how to pronounce my area correctly :)) i also now know that ashley is a name for a boy as well for a girl. i mention this because it is funny to me that they consider themselves e.g. english, while their parents are irish, if they have been born and brought up in england. i must say though that i agree with that idea because e.g. there are people born and raised in switzerland, germany, the US, hardly speak any greek at all, been to greece maybe a couple times to visit the grandmother or sth, and they consider themselves greeks, (i think to say greek americans is quite fine though), and that is freakin to me, i cannot see them as greeks at all. i certainly do not consider myself in any way scottish, just because my great grandmother was one, but i do consider i have some kind of a scottish "heritage" as in passed down through our family traditions and values, which i am proud of, but not because it has anything to do with scottland, but because it has everything to do with our family.
anyway back to my day, getting to know people around here comes natural, as they are very keen on making small talk and getting along, they dont look at you strangely if you chat them up in the bus or in the cafeteria (note to self: to chat somebody up means to flirt/hit on/pick up in this country, so have to find an alternative, hm) there are people around to have stimulating conversation with, people with open minds, or at least susceptible to having their views expanded.
unfortunately classroom overcrowdedness remains a day to day fact and problem, always going round begging for some extra chairs, trying to move into bigger rooms though so that should be solved soon, having people take notes on their lap is really not very comfortable even less when you're sitting for two full hours and no desk to lean your elbows or anything.
i asked around about the nhs, it IS a free thing for all, which i think is great, they say it's actually not bad at all, quite good, i cannot jusdge as i havent used its services yet, been coughin my lungs out for two days, hope this too, shall pass, hope not lung cancer already, not quite ready to die yet, if it really has to be sth more than just a cold, can it please be a bad bout of asthma, and i dont care if it keeps me caughin till december, at least i'm gonna have some great abs till then, already sore from all that caughing.
i am in fact intimidated by the english language right now, and the prospect of writing papers in english, havent used proper (written) english for years and years, hope it all starts falling into place soon, feel a lil lost without my dixxies, witout my writer's handbooks, english usage books, thesaurus, etc, the kind of stuff that has given me so much confidence, just by occupying the top shelf. indeed i have over the last years much more often used the duden (the big yellow german dixxy) than the oxford.
i love our class, there is not one person i despise or cannot stand, and none so far who cannot stand me, the tutors are very much into what they're doin so it's good fun, the subjects are obviously interesting since they representative of our intended prospective field of studies and career, and people have a good attitude possibly also because they've chosen to be where they are and it really depends on them to go where they wanna go.
today i got more familiar to three other really cool people, an english guy with an irish name and irish parents, a welsh girl whose parents are english, and a welsh guy who is well, just welsh :P and he actually speaks welsh and told me how to pronounce my area correctly :)) i also now know that ashley is a name for a boy as well for a girl. i mention this because it is funny to me that they consider themselves e.g. english, while their parents are irish, if they have been born and brought up in england. i must say though that i agree with that idea because e.g. there are people born and raised in switzerland, germany, the US, hardly speak any greek at all, been to greece maybe a couple times to visit the grandmother or sth, and they consider themselves greeks, (i think to say greek americans is quite fine though), and that is freakin to me, i cannot see them as greeks at all. i certainly do not consider myself in any way scottish, just because my great grandmother was one, but i do consider i have some kind of a scottish "heritage" as in passed down through our family traditions and values, which i am proud of, but not because it has anything to do with scottland, but because it has everything to do with our family.
anyway back to my day, getting to know people around here comes natural, as they are very keen on making small talk and getting along, they dont look at you strangely if you chat them up in the bus or in the cafeteria (note to self: to chat somebody up means to flirt/hit on/pick up in this country, so have to find an alternative, hm) there are people around to have stimulating conversation with, people with open minds, or at least susceptible to having their views expanded.
unfortunately classroom overcrowdedness remains a day to day fact and problem, always going round begging for some extra chairs, trying to move into bigger rooms though so that should be solved soon, having people take notes on their lap is really not very comfortable even less when you're sitting for two full hours and no desk to lean your elbows or anything.
i asked around about the nhs, it IS a free thing for all, which i think is great, they say it's actually not bad at all, quite good, i cannot jusdge as i havent used its services yet, been coughin my lungs out for two days, hope this too, shall pass, hope not lung cancer already, not quite ready to die yet, if it really has to be sth more than just a cold, can it please be a bad bout of asthma, and i dont care if it keeps me caughin till december, at least i'm gonna have some great abs till then, already sore from all that caughing.
i am in fact intimidated by the english language right now, and the prospect of writing papers in english, havent used proper (written) english for years and years, hope it all starts falling into place soon, feel a lil lost without my dixxies, witout my writer's handbooks, english usage books, thesaurus, etc, the kind of stuff that has given me so much confidence, just by occupying the top shelf. indeed i have over the last years much more often used the duden (the big yellow german dixxy) than the oxford.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for "The Vagina Monologues", wrote the following about Sarah Palin.
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she
was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the
claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have
a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness
or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I
have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact
that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the
polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life
trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence
against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the
Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people
who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of
Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical
to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving
the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls
options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence
and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous
choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those
candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in
so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally
disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the
world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have
seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the
presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor.
In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets
better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The
melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the
pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is
fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The
earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves
and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to
be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As
she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women
who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should
have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or
not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I
imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many
babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she
has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense
with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an
environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could
and might very well be the next president of the United States. She
would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting
rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot
hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private
right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when
war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in
his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the
undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this
election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the
future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine
whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever
uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards
dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence
through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether
we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in
alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It
will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or
whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine
whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of
fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your
power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the
hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of
teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of
destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises
that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis,
doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the
floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between
nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing
we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
Drill, Drill, Drill
I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she
was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the
claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have
a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness
or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I
have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact
that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the
polar bears.
I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life
trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence
against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the
Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people
who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of
Feminists.
But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical
to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving
the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls
options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence
and war.
I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous
choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those
candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in
so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally
disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the
world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have
seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the
presidency with regularity.
Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor.
In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets
better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The
melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the
pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is
fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The
earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves
and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to
be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As
she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."
Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women
who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should
have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or
not.
She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I
imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many
babies that makes.
Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she
has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense
with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an
environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could
and might very well be the next president of the United States. She
would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.
Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting
rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot
hundreds of wolves from the air.
Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private
right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when
war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in
his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the
undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.
I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this
election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the
future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine
whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever
uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards
dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence
through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether
we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in
alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It
will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or
whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine
whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of
fear, fundamentalism and aggression.
If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your
power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the
hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of
teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of
destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises
that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis,
doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.
Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the
floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between
nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing
we call life?
Eve Ensler
September 5, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
the three blind men and the elephant
There were 3 blind men, who had not seen since birth, and were given the gift from a mahut of going to "see" his elephant. But, because the elephant wasn't used to being handled by strangers, each blind man had to go in individually.
So, the first man went in and grabbed the elephant by an ear. "OH, he said, the elephant is powerful! He is like a great leaf of the forest, strong and large and flat! How great is the elephant!" and, after a while, he left.
The next man came it, and happened to grab a tusk. "OH, he said, the elephat is powerful! He is like a staff of great power. He must have the magic of the ages! How wise and wonderful is the elephant!" and, after a while, he left.
The third, and last man, came to see the elephant. He walked straight into the side of the elephant who was now lying down. "OH, like a great wall is the elephant," said the blind man. He must be able to stop any charge, to control any flood, to push any object. His skin is rough and hairy and deeply wrinkled. The elephant is short and round. How like a large stone is the elephant!" He, too, left.
The three blind men met together outside the mahut's elephant enclosure and began to discuss the elephant. Of course, the discussion led to an argument. The argument led to a fight. Each was SURE of what he had "seen", and felt, and heard while he was in with the elephant. After the fight had come to blows, and words had been spoken that could never be taken back, the three old friends parted.
You see, my darling, God is like the elephant and we are like the blind men. Who is to say which of us is wrong, and which is right And, will we not have our eyes cleared by The Lord on the day of reckoning What if one of us has the tusk, and one the tail, and one the ear, and we are fighting over nothing?
Just a thought...
So, the first man went in and grabbed the elephant by an ear. "OH, he said, the elephant is powerful! He is like a great leaf of the forest, strong and large and flat! How great is the elephant!" and, after a while, he left.
The next man came it, and happened to grab a tusk. "OH, he said, the elephat is powerful! He is like a staff of great power. He must have the magic of the ages! How wise and wonderful is the elephant!" and, after a while, he left.
The third, and last man, came to see the elephant. He walked straight into the side of the elephant who was now lying down. "OH, like a great wall is the elephant," said the blind man. He must be able to stop any charge, to control any flood, to push any object. His skin is rough and hairy and deeply wrinkled. The elephant is short and round. How like a large stone is the elephant!" He, too, left.
The three blind men met together outside the mahut's elephant enclosure and began to discuss the elephant. Of course, the discussion led to an argument. The argument led to a fight. Each was SURE of what he had "seen", and felt, and heard while he was in with the elephant. After the fight had come to blows, and words had been spoken that could never be taken back, the three old friends parted.
You see, my darling, God is like the elephant and we are like the blind men. Who is to say which of us is wrong, and which is right And, will we not have our eyes cleared by The Lord on the day of reckoning What if one of us has the tusk, and one the tail, and one the ear, and we are fighting over nothing?
Just a thought...
Saturday, September 06, 2008
wandering the streets
was wandering the streets of roath, cardiff tonight
missing my people, worrying
havent talked with my best friend in ages, must be at least 2 weeks...
i miss her
txt her this afternoon to check on her she replied that yes, she's alive and if she weren't i'd know apla den einai poly kala.egw eimai se periodo prosarmoghs. easy on the booze mou kanei...
nai dioti edw to triptyxo einai vroxh-xydia-xenyxtia... tespa
reading this i just fell all my love for her flooding me
i love her so much i couldnt bear losing her she's so important to me
missing my people, worrying
havent talked with my best friend in ages, must be at least 2 weeks...
i miss her
txt her this afternoon to check on her she replied that yes, she's alive and if she weren't i'd know apla den einai poly kala.egw eimai se periodo prosarmoghs. easy on the booze mou kanei...
nai dioti edw to triptyxo einai vroxh-xydia-xenyxtia... tespa
reading this i just fell all my love for her flooding me
i love her so much i couldnt bear losing her she's so important to me
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Why am I crying
Why am I crying oh well...
coz people get my hopes up people let me down
and still I love them the way they are
coz that's the only way they come
coz I don't always know up from down
but I get it eventually
coz I've come a long way
& still have so much to go.
coz I can never go into the same river twice
but there are so many others to cross.
coz no matter how much I leave behind
I always take my memories along
coz I've found true love...
couple of times
coz sometimes life doesn't happen the way I thought...
but better
coz whatever happens I will be allright
&I will hang in there as everybody does.
coz that's life and i'm brave enough to take it on
-most times.
coz there's such a lot of world to see
&your lips to kiss
coz people get my hopes up people let me down
and still I love them the way they are
coz that's the only way they come
coz I don't always know up from down
but I get it eventually
coz I've come a long way
& still have so much to go.
coz I can never go into the same river twice
but there are so many others to cross.
coz no matter how much I leave behind
I always take my memories along
coz I've found true love...
couple of times
coz sometimes life doesn't happen the way I thought...
but better
coz whatever happens I will be allright
&I will hang in there as everybody does.
coz that's life and i'm brave enough to take it on
-most times.
coz there's such a lot of world to see
&your lips to kiss
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I want a woman...
who is generous and not afraid to give too much.
a woman who says please, thank you, and knows that the reason for good manners is a pleasant cohabitation.
a woman who is thankful, first and foremost, for her mere existence.
a woman who can appreciate beauty in everything, and learns valuable lessons from difficulties.
who loves to talk, listen and is a very communicative person.
a woman who thinks of love making more like the highlight of her day, rather than a chore, and has a high sex drive. a woman whose kisses increase my heartbeats and who can deliver a bite that leaves me prey to her intentions.
a woman who is well-read and informed, has a critical and open mind and enjoys exchange of ideas -specially ideas if she comes up with herself.
a woman who is interested in and wants to be part of contemporary culture and loves the arts.
a woman who is involved. She has a humanitarian, intellectual or artistic background and is possibly an activist of some sort.
a woman making full use of her immune system, who isn't afraid of dirt, germs and the like but tends to the cleanliness of her own space.
a woman who will take a trail that doesn't exist, and will get up to her knees in icy waters or crawl in mud to get a better view of a waterfall.
a woman who takes risks, but does not put herself in danger.
a woman who takes care of herself and doesn't need mothering, but purrs at her lover's nurturing.
a woman who is not jealous or threatened by the other important people in her partner's life.
a woman who will wonder, doubt, question, argument, agree or disagree respectfully and constructively.
a woman who loves different tastes of food, appreciates and enjoys a meal cooked just for her or other small, loving gestures.
a woman who will jump gladly into a relaxing bath for two, candles and all.
a woman who is not afraid in the dark, because she's holding my hand.
a woman who likes to hold hands.
a woman who might write me a poem or bring me flowers, because it's Tuesday.
a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, or is in a perpetual process of finding out, and is proud but not arrogant.
a woman who is out, most importantly to herself.
a woman who knows how to live and let live and who can, when all else fails, let go and let god.
a woman who is sincere, goal-oriented, disciplined, concentrated and has a common sense.
a woman I can admire and look up to.
a woman who might be into drugs, but not an addict.
a woman who likes and can play with fire, but can take the consequences if she gets burned.
a woman who reflects on her emotions, reactions, needs and wishes.
a woman who loves cats, of any size.
a woman who doesnt have bad-mannered dog(s). a woman who has well-mannered children, if any.
a woman who wants to see the world and is up for an adventure but also has a comfortable, functional, cosy and tastefully decorated home to return to, spend time alone, time for two or entertain friends.
a woman who enjoys a playful exchange of sarcastic niceties.
a woman that will fascinate me and for whom I'll fall deeper over time.
a woman who is confident and reveals her true self from the beginning.
a woman whose smile brightens up my day and whose eyes I gladly and willingly get lost into. a woman whose arms are the safest and most comforting place in the world.
a woman who carries herself in an emancipated, sexy way and is more often than not on the butchy side of the fence -a woman without a possessive, controlling or macho attitude.
a woman I will want to spend a long time with, a woman I would be happy and honoured to make a committment to.
a woman who will not fall low when it's over, someone I will still consider a close friend when the romantic interest fades.
i gave the list to mother to read and she added
MUST be approved by parents in Alaska
a woman who says please, thank you, and knows that the reason for good manners is a pleasant cohabitation.
a woman who is thankful, first and foremost, for her mere existence.
a woman who can appreciate beauty in everything, and learns valuable lessons from difficulties.
who loves to talk, listen and is a very communicative person.
a woman who thinks of love making more like the highlight of her day, rather than a chore, and has a high sex drive. a woman whose kisses increase my heartbeats and who can deliver a bite that leaves me prey to her intentions.
a woman who is well-read and informed, has a critical and open mind and enjoys exchange of ideas -specially ideas if she comes up with herself.
a woman who is interested in and wants to be part of contemporary culture and loves the arts.
a woman who is involved. She has a humanitarian, intellectual or artistic background and is possibly an activist of some sort.
a woman making full use of her immune system, who isn't afraid of dirt, germs and the like but tends to the cleanliness of her own space.
a woman who will take a trail that doesn't exist, and will get up to her knees in icy waters or crawl in mud to get a better view of a waterfall.
a woman who takes risks, but does not put herself in danger.
a woman who takes care of herself and doesn't need mothering, but purrs at her lover's nurturing.
a woman who is not jealous or threatened by the other important people in her partner's life.
a woman who will wonder, doubt, question, argument, agree or disagree respectfully and constructively.
a woman who loves different tastes of food, appreciates and enjoys a meal cooked just for her or other small, loving gestures.
a woman who will jump gladly into a relaxing bath for two, candles and all.
a woman who is not afraid in the dark, because she's holding my hand.
a woman who likes to hold hands.
a woman who might write me a poem or bring me flowers, because it's Tuesday.
a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, or is in a perpetual process of finding out, and is proud but not arrogant.
a woman who is out, most importantly to herself.
a woman who knows how to live and let live and who can, when all else fails, let go and let god.
a woman who is sincere, goal-oriented, disciplined, concentrated and has a common sense.
a woman I can admire and look up to.
a woman who might be into drugs, but not an addict.
a woman who likes and can play with fire, but can take the consequences if she gets burned.
a woman who reflects on her emotions, reactions, needs and wishes.
a woman who loves cats, of any size.
a woman who doesnt have bad-mannered dog(s). a woman who has well-mannered children, if any.
a woman who wants to see the world and is up for an adventure but also has a comfortable, functional, cosy and tastefully decorated home to return to, spend time alone, time for two or entertain friends.
a woman who enjoys a playful exchange of sarcastic niceties.
a woman that will fascinate me and for whom I'll fall deeper over time.
a woman who is confident and reveals her true self from the beginning.
a woman whose smile brightens up my day and whose eyes I gladly and willingly get lost into. a woman whose arms are the safest and most comforting place in the world.
a woman who carries herself in an emancipated, sexy way and is more often than not on the butchy side of the fence -a woman without a possessive, controlling or macho attitude.
a woman I will want to spend a long time with, a woman I would be happy and honoured to make a committment to.
a woman who will not fall low when it's over, someone I will still consider a close friend when the romantic interest fades.
i gave the list to mother to read and she added
MUST be approved by parents in Alaska
Friday, August 15, 2008
still missing you
I count the months. 9. Almost.
I still miss you. It hurts less but you're still missing. Can't delete your numbers. Won't delete your messages. Stopped reading your letters.
I call your number. Maybe I can listen to your answering machine. Number not available. The impulse to call your sister. Almost like talking to you. Same voice. Same sudden pauses to take in a breath.
I lie outside, humming along to music. The second chaise is empty. I miss you occupying it. I lie back with the knees up under the plaid. You sit uptight. I miss you leaning on your elbows over your knees when you relax. Listening to music with me. Saying nothing to each other. Just looking in your eyes glimmering in the dark. Reaching out my hand. Holding you. It's so hard to reach out my hand nowadays. So strange to be touched by someone else. But welcome, as of late. I miss saying nothing with you. And understanding everything in fact.
You haven't come in my dreams for two weeks. I love you, said I. I want you, said you. Going through your work. I love your work. I want to show it.
All that's left.
And why. And fuck.
Wandering the streets.
Leaving a red rose in your mailbox.
Singing at your grave.
And a perfume I want to bathe in.
Up thunder mountain. What a view. You flew over the glacier. I tore my knee.
We travelled to the south. You swam away in the cool aegean waters, under the moonshine. I cried.
I took you to the forest. I needed that last one, you know.
Hey, I think I'm in love. You're not there to listen to my rant. Or are you? Hey did I tell you? I'm getting a tattoo. Was so jealous running my fingers down yours.
So you're gone. Nothing left of you now. An empty matchbox.
But I carry you everywhere I go, my heart.
I still miss you. It hurts less but you're still missing. Can't delete your numbers. Won't delete your messages. Stopped reading your letters.
I call your number. Maybe I can listen to your answering machine. Number not available. The impulse to call your sister. Almost like talking to you. Same voice. Same sudden pauses to take in a breath.
I lie outside, humming along to music. The second chaise is empty. I miss you occupying it. I lie back with the knees up under the plaid. You sit uptight. I miss you leaning on your elbows over your knees when you relax. Listening to music with me. Saying nothing to each other. Just looking in your eyes glimmering in the dark. Reaching out my hand. Holding you. It's so hard to reach out my hand nowadays. So strange to be touched by someone else. But welcome, as of late. I miss saying nothing with you. And understanding everything in fact.
You haven't come in my dreams for two weeks. I love you, said I. I want you, said you. Going through your work. I love your work. I want to show it.
All that's left.
And why. And fuck.
Wandering the streets.
Leaving a red rose in your mailbox.
Singing at your grave.
And a perfume I want to bathe in.
Up thunder mountain. What a view. You flew over the glacier. I tore my knee.
We travelled to the south. You swam away in the cool aegean waters, under the moonshine. I cried.
I took you to the forest. I needed that last one, you know.
Hey, I think I'm in love. You're not there to listen to my rant. Or are you? Hey did I tell you? I'm getting a tattoo. Was so jealous running my fingers down yours.
So you're gone. Nothing left of you now. An empty matchbox.
But I carry you everywhere I go, my heart.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
ρε κοπελιά όχι να τα ξαναφτιάξουμε, ούτε να σε ξαναδώ δε θέλω
γιατί
είσαι μαμούχαλη
κλαψομουνιάζεις για τα πάντα
νομίζεις ότι για τα προβλήματά σου φταίει η άδικη ζωή και συμφωνώ ότι από τύχη είσαι σαν να σέ χεσε γελάδα με το που γεννήθηκες αλλά ξεκόλλα
με έχεις θεοποιήσει
δεν έχεις τρόπους όχι μόνο παρακαλώ κι ευχαριστώ αλλά τέσπα ας μην ανοίξουμε συζήτηση
στο σεξ είσαι πιο τέζα κι από την τερέζα
περιμένεις μάλλον απαιτείς να σου βρω έτοιμες λύσεις
δεν ξεκολλάς από την τηλεόραση
γιατί έχεις στραβά δόντια στην τελική
είσαι μαμούχαλη
κλαψομουνιάζεις για τα πάντα
νομίζεις ότι για τα προβλήματά σου φταίει η άδικη ζωή και συμφωνώ ότι από τύχη είσαι σαν να σέ χεσε γελάδα με το που γεννήθηκες αλλά ξεκόλλα
με έχεις θεοποιήσει
δεν έχεις τρόπους όχι μόνο παρακαλώ κι ευχαριστώ αλλά τέσπα ας μην ανοίξουμε συζήτηση
στο σεξ είσαι πιο τέζα κι από την τερέζα
περιμένεις μάλλον απαιτείς να σου βρω έτοιμες λύσεις
δεν ξεκολλάς από την τηλεόραση
γιατί έχεις στραβά δόντια στην τελική
Carrot, Egg, Coffee
A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again........
A young man went to his father and told him about his life and how things were so hard for him. He did not know how he was going to make it and wanted to give up.
He was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. His father took him to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil,without saying a word. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners.
He fished the carrots out and placed them in bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to his son, he asked, "Tell me what you see." Carrots, eggs, and coffee," he replied. His dad brought him closer and asked him to feel the carrots. He did and noted that they were soft. The father then asked the son to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, he observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the father asked the son to sip the coffee. The son smiled as he tasted its rich aroma. The son then asked, "What does it mean?" His father explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity..boiling water.Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
Which are you?" he asked his son. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? "Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?
How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again........
A young man went to his father and told him about his life and how things were so hard for him. He did not know how he was going to make it and wanted to give up.
He was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. His father took him to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil,without saying a word. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners.
He fished the carrots out and placed them in bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to his son, he asked, "Tell me what you see." Carrots, eggs, and coffee," he replied. His dad brought him closer and asked him to feel the carrots. He did and noted that they were soft. The father then asked the son to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, he observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the father asked the son to sip the coffee. The son smiled as he tasted its rich aroma. The son then asked, "What does it mean?" His father explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity..boiling water.Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
Which are you?" he asked his son. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? "Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?
How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
if only you had known
every day
trying to run away from your absence i miss your presence even more
your eyes
your mystery
WHY?
I loved you so
would you have...?
why didnt i
why didnt you
and what does it matter now
if i had known
and if you had, too
well maybe ill learn now
to follow my own rules
never go for sth I dont really want...
or actually, that i dont need at all
and at last, that if I want green, and have always wanted green, then stop going for blue for liliths sake...
you are always in my mind
i carry you with me
you know how far we ve gone?
i see you in every raven i cross paths with
i love ravens
they take my breath away
they look a lot like you
you are here, there and
everywhere
and yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
only hoping to meet again
at the end of time
just so i could get things clear and the truth restored
and tell you
that yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
if only i had not been so blind and stupid
but at least, i m learning...
έλα άλλη μια φορά στο όνειρό μου.
θα κοιμηθώ πάλι δίπλα στη φωτιά.
εγώ θα σου λέω σ'αγαπώ
κι εσύ
σε θέλω
Saturday, July 26, 2008
πάρε με αγκαλιά και πάμε
επιτέλους βγήκα από την κατατονία μου.
μετά από έναν εξαιρετικό ύπνο μπροστά στο τζάκι. καλοκαιριάτικα. έδινε ωραία ζεστασιά. σε στρώμα γεμάτο γατότριχες. τις μάζεψα λίγο με το χέρι σε μπαλάκι και ξάπλωσα. ακούς, μαρία; η ομοιοπαθητική σου δουλεύει! ήρθε ο ζουζούνος κι έβαλε τη μουσούδα του στον αγκώνα μου κι αποκοιμήθηκε. άκουγα το τρακτοροειδές του γουργούρισμα κι ένιωθα ότι όλα είναι καλά. βαθειές ανάσες και να κοιτάω μια τη φωτιά μια τις σκιές που έριχνε στο δωμάτιο. ήρθε η μεγάλη ζουζούνα και απλώθηκε πάνω στους αστραγάλους μου. σαν να με είχε δέσει. προσπάθησα να ηρεμήσω. όχι όχι, αυτό δεν μπορώ να το αντέξω. όχι αγάπη μου πρέπει να κατέβεις από κει, και άνοιξα τα πόδια να γλιστρήσει απαλά στο στρώμα. ανάσα.
θυμήθηκα βράδια στη φωτιά με παρέα. με την έμμα. με την κάριν.
όπου όταν καείς με το χυλό, λες το γιαούρτι θα φοβηθώ; οπότε όταν έχεις φάει το νον φάξιοναλ μπόρντερλάιν τί να σου πει το ελεγχόμενο μπαιπόλαρ. και ξέρεις ότι δεν σε θέλει για σχέση, βασικά ούτε η ίδια ξέρει τί θέλει και την στέλνεις να κοιμηθεί μόνη της παρά τις αντιρρήσεις (δεν ήξερα ότι θα κοιμηθείς μέσα, μα, δεν θέλω να σε βγάλω από το κρεβάτι σου...) γιατί δεν γίνεται να κοιμηθείς δίπλα της, να στριφογυρίζεις όλη νύχτα και να τραβιέσαι άκρη άκρη μην την ακουμπήσεις και πάθεις κανα ηλεκτροσόκ. κάθεσαι και κοιμάσαι μπροστά στο τζάκι. και το άλλο πρωί, μπαίνεις στο δωμάτιο γιατί έχεις αποφασίσει να της μιλήσεις για το πώς νιώθεις αλλά σε προλαβαίνει αφήνοντας να εννοηθεί ότι είναι ανοιχτή για σεξ χωρίς επακόλουθα και τελικά βρίσκεσαι να της εξηγείς τις ιδιότητες του τσαγιού από φύλλα κόκας που της έφερες, γιατί το ξέρεις αυτό το σεξ, αλλά το παλούκι είναι ότι συνήθως μια θέλει ΚΑΙ τα επακόλουθα και στη συγκεκριμένη περίπτωση είσαι συ (εγώ).
κι επειδή τα θυμήθηκα αυτά εχτές... ξεκαθάρισα τη θέση μου στην εξ (στις τέσσερεις το πρωί) γιατί αυτή περιμένει και τα επακόλουθα κι εγώ πάλι, δεν θέλω άλλα επακόλουθα μαζί της. στα χαλαρά, take me or leave me ..... I'll leave you..... κρίμα γιατί ξέρεις να με παίρνεις καλά.
αλλά έχεις όλα τα δίκια. εσύ θες σπίτι και οικογένεια και παιδάκια και τη σίμπα να τρέχει στην αυλή κι εγώ όταν τα ήθελα δεν μπορούσες να τα δώσεις και τώρα που έχεις να τα δώσεις δεν με ενδιαφέρουν πια, τσινάω και μόνο στη σκέψη να με βάλεις να σου κάνω δυο μούλικα και να σου μαγειρεύω φαγητά χωρίς πιπέρι ενώ εγώ τρώω το τσίλι με το κουταλάκι όταν βαριέμαι. και νά χω και δυο ανεκπαίδευτα σκυλιά μέσα στο σπίτι. άσε που εσύ έχεις χαμηλό τουτού κι εγώ θέλω οφ ρόουντ άνιμαλ, να κατεβαίνω με το σκαλάκι κυρία. για τα πρακτικά μιλώντας τώρα. γιατί το ότι δεν έχουμε κοινά ενδιαφέροντα, μα καθόλου όμως, πού το πας;
τέσπα μη το ζαλίζουμε, εμένα μου κάνεις μόνο για σεξ. δεν ξέρω γιατί νομίζεις ότι εγώ σου κάνω για οτιδήποτε άλλο (οκ, και για καφέδες παίζει). ούτε καταλαβαίνω γιατί το λες σαν κατηγορία ότι άλλαξα κι έγινα μπιτς. δεν έγινα μπιτς καρδιά μου, απλά εσένα δεν σου αρέσουν αυτά που λέω. και ο τρόπος μου ναι, άλλαξε, έγινε πιο χύμα. τώρα πια τις ειρωνίες που σκέφτομαι, τις λέω κιόλας. πάντως σε είδα διαφορετική, εχεις ηρεμήσει, τα λεφτά σου έδωσαν μια σιγουριά και χαίρομαι, από κει και πέρα έχεις ανοίξει τον δρόμο σου. απλά δεν ενδιαφέρομαι να σου κάνω παρέα στην πορεία.
εγώ πάλι ένιωθα σα να μην πατάω γη εδώ και μια βδομάδα, επειδή από τη μια δεν θέλω να αφήσω τα της βροχοχώρας τελευταία στιγμή δλδ σεπτέμβρη, από την άλλη δεν προλαβαίνω να "κλείσω" εδώ.
και σήμερα "είδα" την πιο απλή, προφανή, προφανέστατη λύση. πάω, βρίσκω σπίτι, τακτοποιούμαι, ανοίγω λογαριασμούς κλπ κλπ, γυρνάω σπίτι να τακτοποιήσω τις εκκρεμότητες. ουφ. μα να πνιγώ σε μια κουταλιά νερό; μη σου πω χτυπάω κι άλλη μια βδομάδα διακοπές να κρατήσει το μαύρισμα μέχρι τα χριστούγεννα τουλάχιστον! ειδικά αν το συνδυάσω και με τη συμβολαιογράφο, άντε να κάνω τη γαμημένη αποδοχή κληρονομιάς μπας και ανέβει ο προυπολογισμός μου και δεν χρειαστεί να συγκατοικήσω. διότι δεν νομίζω να το δούνε πολύ θετικά ότι εγώ γουστάρω να κυκλοφορώ σπίτι μου τσίτσιδη.
να δούμε τώρα θα βρω καμιά μέχρι τα χριστούγεννα να κάνω σεξ με επακόλουθα ή θα μας φάει η μαλακία. θα ακολουθήσει λίστα με προδιαγραφές.
μαρία μήπως βγαίνεις και σε λεσβία;
μετά από έναν εξαιρετικό ύπνο μπροστά στο τζάκι. καλοκαιριάτικα. έδινε ωραία ζεστασιά. σε στρώμα γεμάτο γατότριχες. τις μάζεψα λίγο με το χέρι σε μπαλάκι και ξάπλωσα. ακούς, μαρία; η ομοιοπαθητική σου δουλεύει! ήρθε ο ζουζούνος κι έβαλε τη μουσούδα του στον αγκώνα μου κι αποκοιμήθηκε. άκουγα το τρακτοροειδές του γουργούρισμα κι ένιωθα ότι όλα είναι καλά. βαθειές ανάσες και να κοιτάω μια τη φωτιά μια τις σκιές που έριχνε στο δωμάτιο. ήρθε η μεγάλη ζουζούνα και απλώθηκε πάνω στους αστραγάλους μου. σαν να με είχε δέσει. προσπάθησα να ηρεμήσω. όχι όχι, αυτό δεν μπορώ να το αντέξω. όχι αγάπη μου πρέπει να κατέβεις από κει, και άνοιξα τα πόδια να γλιστρήσει απαλά στο στρώμα. ανάσα.
θυμήθηκα βράδια στη φωτιά με παρέα. με την έμμα. με την κάριν.
όπου όταν καείς με το χυλό, λες το γιαούρτι θα φοβηθώ; οπότε όταν έχεις φάει το νον φάξιοναλ μπόρντερλάιν τί να σου πει το ελεγχόμενο μπαιπόλαρ. και ξέρεις ότι δεν σε θέλει για σχέση, βασικά ούτε η ίδια ξέρει τί θέλει και την στέλνεις να κοιμηθεί μόνη της παρά τις αντιρρήσεις (δεν ήξερα ότι θα κοιμηθείς μέσα, μα, δεν θέλω να σε βγάλω από το κρεβάτι σου...) γιατί δεν γίνεται να κοιμηθείς δίπλα της, να στριφογυρίζεις όλη νύχτα και να τραβιέσαι άκρη άκρη μην την ακουμπήσεις και πάθεις κανα ηλεκτροσόκ. κάθεσαι και κοιμάσαι μπροστά στο τζάκι. και το άλλο πρωί, μπαίνεις στο δωμάτιο γιατί έχεις αποφασίσει να της μιλήσεις για το πώς νιώθεις αλλά σε προλαβαίνει αφήνοντας να εννοηθεί ότι είναι ανοιχτή για σεξ χωρίς επακόλουθα και τελικά βρίσκεσαι να της εξηγείς τις ιδιότητες του τσαγιού από φύλλα κόκας που της έφερες, γιατί το ξέρεις αυτό το σεξ, αλλά το παλούκι είναι ότι συνήθως μια θέλει ΚΑΙ τα επακόλουθα και στη συγκεκριμένη περίπτωση είσαι συ (εγώ).
κι επειδή τα θυμήθηκα αυτά εχτές... ξεκαθάρισα τη θέση μου στην εξ (στις τέσσερεις το πρωί) γιατί αυτή περιμένει και τα επακόλουθα κι εγώ πάλι, δεν θέλω άλλα επακόλουθα μαζί της. στα χαλαρά, take me or leave me ..... I'll leave you..... κρίμα γιατί ξέρεις να με παίρνεις καλά.
αλλά έχεις όλα τα δίκια. εσύ θες σπίτι και οικογένεια και παιδάκια και τη σίμπα να τρέχει στην αυλή κι εγώ όταν τα ήθελα δεν μπορούσες να τα δώσεις και τώρα που έχεις να τα δώσεις δεν με ενδιαφέρουν πια, τσινάω και μόνο στη σκέψη να με βάλεις να σου κάνω δυο μούλικα και να σου μαγειρεύω φαγητά χωρίς πιπέρι ενώ εγώ τρώω το τσίλι με το κουταλάκι όταν βαριέμαι. και νά χω και δυο ανεκπαίδευτα σκυλιά μέσα στο σπίτι. άσε που εσύ έχεις χαμηλό τουτού κι εγώ θέλω οφ ρόουντ άνιμαλ, να κατεβαίνω με το σκαλάκι κυρία. για τα πρακτικά μιλώντας τώρα. γιατί το ότι δεν έχουμε κοινά ενδιαφέροντα, μα καθόλου όμως, πού το πας;
τέσπα μη το ζαλίζουμε, εμένα μου κάνεις μόνο για σεξ. δεν ξέρω γιατί νομίζεις ότι εγώ σου κάνω για οτιδήποτε άλλο (οκ, και για καφέδες παίζει). ούτε καταλαβαίνω γιατί το λες σαν κατηγορία ότι άλλαξα κι έγινα μπιτς. δεν έγινα μπιτς καρδιά μου, απλά εσένα δεν σου αρέσουν αυτά που λέω. και ο τρόπος μου ναι, άλλαξε, έγινε πιο χύμα. τώρα πια τις ειρωνίες που σκέφτομαι, τις λέω κιόλας. πάντως σε είδα διαφορετική, εχεις ηρεμήσει, τα λεφτά σου έδωσαν μια σιγουριά και χαίρομαι, από κει και πέρα έχεις ανοίξει τον δρόμο σου. απλά δεν ενδιαφέρομαι να σου κάνω παρέα στην πορεία.
εγώ πάλι ένιωθα σα να μην πατάω γη εδώ και μια βδομάδα, επειδή από τη μια δεν θέλω να αφήσω τα της βροχοχώρας τελευταία στιγμή δλδ σεπτέμβρη, από την άλλη δεν προλαβαίνω να "κλείσω" εδώ.
και σήμερα "είδα" την πιο απλή, προφανή, προφανέστατη λύση. πάω, βρίσκω σπίτι, τακτοποιούμαι, ανοίγω λογαριασμούς κλπ κλπ, γυρνάω σπίτι να τακτοποιήσω τις εκκρεμότητες. ουφ. μα να πνιγώ σε μια κουταλιά νερό; μη σου πω χτυπάω κι άλλη μια βδομάδα διακοπές να κρατήσει το μαύρισμα μέχρι τα χριστούγεννα τουλάχιστον! ειδικά αν το συνδυάσω και με τη συμβολαιογράφο, άντε να κάνω τη γαμημένη αποδοχή κληρονομιάς μπας και ανέβει ο προυπολογισμός μου και δεν χρειαστεί να συγκατοικήσω. διότι δεν νομίζω να το δούνε πολύ θετικά ότι εγώ γουστάρω να κυκλοφορώ σπίτι μου τσίτσιδη.
να δούμε τώρα θα βρω καμιά μέχρι τα χριστούγεννα να κάνω σεξ με επακόλουθα ή θα μας φάει η μαλακία. θα ακολουθήσει λίστα με προδιαγραφές.
μαρία μήπως βγαίνεις και σε λεσβία;
September 2006 Berlin-Tacheles
Today, my world is in order
that "belonging here" feeling. finally.on the way back, i cried the tears of relief
then, i became terrified of the future
and cried the tears of despair
he hugged me and said
it's OK
he hugged me and said
you can count on me
i cried the tears of gratitude
today, NOW, my world is in order
HOW LONG IS NOW??
time to get down to finding the answer.
δύο χρόνια συνειδητοποιημένη λεσβία.
"you know you're an activist and talk about bookcrossing too much when...
I had been reading and must have dozed off. The phone rang. It was my vet. Panic set in. My thoughts were swirling around. The vet?? The vet?? Why was the vet calling me? Was one of the cats sick? Did they call her themselves? Why didn't they tell me if there was a problem and they weren't feeling well? Or did the vet re-check that blood work and decide my diabetic cat was getting too much insulin? Did I have to lower the dose again? Wait a minute, that blood was taken weeks ago, why would they be re-checking it now? And then the vet says, I brought some books in for you and I'll leave them at the front desk for you to pick up and BookCross...
So today I stopped by the veterinary hospital and there was a nice little stack of 8 books for me. The cats are fine. And life is good".
from http://www.bookcrossing.com/forum/7/5423525
So today I stopped by the veterinary hospital and there was a nice little stack of 8 books for me. The cats are fine. And life is good".
from http://www.bookcrossing.com/forum/7/5423525
Friday, July 25, 2008
πώς εκνευρίζομαι όταν με ρωτάνε στην ελλάδα
ακόμα το ίδιο κινητό με πέρισι έχεις;
παθαίνω ένα τιλτ.
θά πρεπε να έχω πάρει καινούριο;
και με πρόπερσι το ίδιο έχω, και με αντιπρόπερσι. κι αν δεν είχε πέσει το προηγούμενο από την τσέπη μου στη λίμνη, πιθανώς να είχα ακόμα εκείνο. στο κινητό, αν δεν βγει κάποια καινούρια δυνατότητά του που να με ενδιαφέρει δεν πρόκειται να πάρω καινούριο. θα κάτσω εγώ να στείλω μμς επί τόπου ποτέ; υπάρχουν και τα μέηλ για να στείλω φωτό. ή μήπως θα κάτσω να βγάλω τα μάτια μου για να δω μέηλ από το κινητό; που στην τελική υπάρχει ιντερνετ καφέ σε κάθε γωνία.
κοίταξε, αν κόβεσαι τόσο, μπορείς να μου πάρεις εσύ ένα.
ακόμα το ίδιο κινητό με πέρισι έχεις;
παθαίνω ένα τιλτ.
θά πρεπε να έχω πάρει καινούριο;
και με πρόπερσι το ίδιο έχω, και με αντιπρόπερσι. κι αν δεν είχε πέσει το προηγούμενο από την τσέπη μου στη λίμνη, πιθανώς να είχα ακόμα εκείνο. στο κινητό, αν δεν βγει κάποια καινούρια δυνατότητά του που να με ενδιαφέρει δεν πρόκειται να πάρω καινούριο. θα κάτσω εγώ να στείλω μμς επί τόπου ποτέ; υπάρχουν και τα μέηλ για να στείλω φωτό. ή μήπως θα κάτσω να βγάλω τα μάτια μου για να δω μέηλ από το κινητό; που στην τελική υπάρχει ιντερνετ καφέ σε κάθε γωνία.
κοίταξε, αν κόβεσαι τόσο, μπορείς να μου πάρεις εσύ ένα.
I was waiting for such a long time, she said. I thought you forgot. It's hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone.
They left me
with your shadow,
saying things like
Life is not fair
& I believed them
for a long time.
But today,
I remembered
the way you laughed
& the heat
of your hand
in mine
& I knew that
life is more fair
than we can
ever imagine
if
we are there to live it
24.12.2007
on standing and falling
I think we sometimes try so hard not to fall that it would be much easier to let go and fall and just get right up again. i dont know what it is that we fear so much about falling but it aint that bad really. the fear is bigger than the actual pain.
PS. i was out with The Dog today. it was icy and slippery and I got a little braver and a little wiser because I lost my balance and I tried so hard not to fall, and then it dawned on me that I better just fall than hurt myself trying not to. and you know what I let myself fall and just got right back up again and it was no big deal and it was actually kinda fun. oh, and The Dog loved it, too.
PS. i was out with The Dog today. it was icy and slippery and I got a little braver and a little wiser because I lost my balance and I tried so hard not to fall, and then it dawned on me that I better just fall than hurt myself trying not to. and you know what I let myself fall and just got right back up again and it was no big deal and it was actually kinda fun. oh, and The Dog loved it, too.
23.12.2007
IF ONLY YOU HAD KNOWN
how much i would miss you
every day
trying to run away from your absence i miss your presence even more
your eyes
your mystery
WHY?
I loved you so
would you have...?
why didnt i
why didnt you
and what does it matter now
if i had known
and if you had, too
well maybe ill learn now
to follow my own rules
never go for sth I dont really want...
or actually, that i dont need at all
and at last, that if I want green, and have always wanted green, then stop going for blue for liliths sake...
you are always in my mind
i carry you with me
you know how far we ve gone?
i see you in every raven i cross paths with
i love ravens
they take my breath away
they look a lot like you
you are here, there and
everywhere
and yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
only hoping to meet again
at the end of time
just so i could get things clear and the truth restored
and tell you
that yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
if only i had not been so blind and stupid
but at least, i m learning...
how much i would miss you
every day
trying to run away from your absence i miss your presence even more
your eyes
your mystery
WHY?
I loved you so
would you have...?
why didnt i
why didnt you
and what does it matter now
if i had known
and if you had, too
well maybe ill learn now
to follow my own rules
never go for sth I dont really want...
or actually, that i dont need at all
and at last, that if I want green, and have always wanted green, then stop going for blue for liliths sake...
you are always in my mind
i carry you with me
you know how far we ve gone?
i see you in every raven i cross paths with
i love ravens
they take my breath away
they look a lot like you
you are here, there and
everywhere
and yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
only hoping to meet again
at the end of time
just so i could get things clear and the truth restored
and tell you
that yes i loved you
and yes it was all my mistake
and yes i am oh so sorry
if only i had not been so blind and stupid
but at least, i m learning...
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