you wake up feeling fine but after a while you develop a illfitting, irritating feeling, you're trying to think clearly but there's sth blurring your concentration?
try cleaning your glasses
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
SUCCESS AND MOTHERHOOD DON'T GO TOGETHER? you can lick my toes!
studies/career and motherhood don't go together? you can lick my toes!
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
isn0t it all just amazing?
doesn't your soul overflow with happiness some times?
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
an evening trip
i took the train today to go see an exhibition of paintings of an old friend, that her sister organised it in her memory.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
baby, baby, baby mine mine baby small baby mine!
yes!
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
Monday, October 12, 2009
today
"what passed
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
Friday, October 09, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
Thursday, October 08, 2009
dessert for dinner
i wanted something sweet tonight so i got two apples that had started to lose firmness, peeled, chopped them, threw them into the non stick pan with a spoonful honey at high heat until they started to soften, turned off the heat, added couple withering bananas, sliced, mixing everything with some cinnamon, clove and ginger powder until bananas began to melt.
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
my sister and I
so.... sunday morning and after a sleepless night due to major excitement i was out the house to go pick up my sis.... she hadnt slept either having to leave home in the middle of the night to fly at dawn so we arrived at my place with energy levels of zombies and passed out until about midday. then we woke up and since then we've been talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming and then talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming!!!
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
Saturday, October 03, 2009
good vibes
aaaall over!!
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
interactive installation based on online dating
"...in online dating profiles what people do is talk about themselves, in maybe 200 words and they say the most important things about themselves and so it is a very fertile ground for building a mosaic of humanity"
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, always a day of opportunity to turn your week better.
today was a nice day. it didnt start in an ideal way but then some things happened that cheered me up. my sister and a friend. a friend who's been, in a way, patient with me for a long time.
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Ich verfechte die anarchie
Stopp mich nicht. Ich träume.
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Thursday, September 24, 2009
i'm getting a new niece!
when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
Thursday, September 10, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
Monday, September 07, 2009
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
poetry is art
this morning before i woke up... had a very peaceful dream. I had met this sweet girl, who was an artist. and she had made a very beautiful installation. and i was almost hypnotised by her creation, this piece of art. it was an interactive light/video installation showing sunset colours but it was kinda three dimensional and you could squint your eyes and see little lights shining expand over the colours. i think the dream might have been spurred by an experience i had yesterday evening, reading a very powerful poem. and because i was totally not prepared for it, it took me by surprise and went through to my core. i randomly opened my new coursebook and i had to stop myself from crying from the first stanza, amidst a bunch of teenagers also waiting for the train next to me. hadnt had that feeling of art overcoming me in a while, and it was simply life awakening.
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
υπάρχει ζωή μετά το σεξ;
άσχετος ο τίτλος.
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
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