Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
spring cleaning
i was pissed off the whole day today.
weird thing. until some time ago, when I am got pissed off, i started cleaning. then the day after my 30th birthday, i took a deep breath and decided to take things easy, i don't remember now the exact thought behind it, but it was as if I had pushed the magic button, a lot of things fell into place, and I stopped being that angry. or hurt. or anyhow, i stopped bothering that much, that often.
since then, I did not have a lot of incentive to clean, except for the occasional superficial vacuum and keeping kitchen and bathroom hygienic... and once i polished all the wooden floors down on my knees because I had just met a girl that had blown my mind away and i didn't know what to do with all that energy rush I was feeling. the girl stayed in my head for about a week, the floor polish lasted a couple months :)
a few days ago i decided it was time to give the flat a good old spring clean and scrub. declutter, cobwebs, scrub, windows, balcony... the works. i had done a big clean when i came back from africa last year. i threw away all kinds of garbage that had piled up during almost three years i had been away. and what three years they were, but this is a topic for another story.
let me tell you though that three years can make for a lot of garbage: clothes, souvenirs, clothes, papers, more clothes, gifts, household items, stuff that were mine, my flatmate's, stuff of exes... useless stuff, stuff that was in the way, that took space. when it was gone, I could breath deep again.
btu let's return to today. so here i was faced with having to clean, and it totally pissed me off. why do i have to do such weary job?
i love to look at the sky turning dark from my balcony. i love to look at the sky, period :) I would like to be a bird tonight.
when i was angry before, i used to clean. now, when i have to clean, i get angry. i might have conditioned myself to feel anger while cleaning... :/
Thursday, March 25, 2010
my sugar
She is naturally compassionate and patient, and those two qualities she hands out generously. Sometimes she puts her hand on my heart to remind me to "not be so harsh with people" because "everybody is carrying something around with them you don't know about".
She seems to have an insight on people's sorrow, as if she could read their story on their face, on their posture, the way they walk and move, their pauses in between sentences, and understand how it is that they've come to take their stance towards life.
She is one of the coolest people I know, and doesn't take anything you say personally. She will ask if she has a doubt and clear any misunderstandings. She simply doesn't have a bee in her bonnet. She is honest and straightforward, but in a non-confrontational way, you will never feel criticism, only genuine interest and understanding. She is free from any need for petty ego boosts.
She is not scared. She has an air of self-assuredness, she can enter any place and meet anyone and feel neither intimidated nor impressed. She has impeccable manners, the type that matters, like make you feel welcome and see that you are at ease. She will never embarass you, she is very thoughtful and considerate.
She is so precious, and I am not sure if I've ever taken the time to tell her how much I appreciate her influence and all I've learned from her. I am a braver person because she believed in me and expressed her love liberally.
I am truly blessed to have met, recognised, and kept a friend this precious. Beyond beautiful, she is wholesome. One of her kind, really.
She seems to have an insight on people's sorrow, as if she could read their story on their face, on their posture, the way they walk and move, their pauses in between sentences, and understand how it is that they've come to take their stance towards life.
She is one of the coolest people I know, and doesn't take anything you say personally. She will ask if she has a doubt and clear any misunderstandings. She simply doesn't have a bee in her bonnet. She is honest and straightforward, but in a non-confrontational way, you will never feel criticism, only genuine interest and understanding. She is free from any need for petty ego boosts.
She is not scared. She has an air of self-assuredness, she can enter any place and meet anyone and feel neither intimidated nor impressed. She has impeccable manners, the type that matters, like make you feel welcome and see that you are at ease. She will never embarass you, she is very thoughtful and considerate.
She is so precious, and I am not sure if I've ever taken the time to tell her how much I appreciate her influence and all I've learned from her. I am a braver person because she believed in me and expressed her love liberally.
I am truly blessed to have met, recognised, and kept a friend this precious. Beyond beautiful, she is wholesome. One of her kind, really.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
an amazing week
yes what an amazing week i ve had. new classes and all, but most importantly, I have come to some realisations/insight call it what you may, but a lot of things suddenly make sense and i got some answers.
on top of that all,
my sister wrote to me today to thank me for what i ve done for her because these things "have defined her to a great extent" and she is "happy to have become who she is because of it".
thanking me for what I've done for her over the years. I didnt really expect or even want a recognition for being her big sister. it's really more than my pleasure to do whatever i can from funding her studies to listening to her heartbreaks, sometimes being the big sister and sometimes being just her sister. i take pride in this "role" and and she is so precious to me.
of course, having such a cool person for a sister does help - never mention she is stunning to look at with her flaming green eyes and honest smile. She's only 20 but she lacks this self consciousness that makes one a shy, reserved person constantly doubting themselves, she is confident, free spirited and brave and to your face, i can only admire her and pretty sure she will keep most of it up because this is the core of her character and has been since she was very small. she has an amazing ability which is to be in the here and now of each moment with her whole being. this makes her a very alive and vibrant person with no regrets, truly an example a lot of people should take after including myself. although she is so young she is self reliant and often she will ask me for this or that and by the time i get the means to help her she will say "iz allright - got it!" or never mind, wasn't much of a deal after all.
i know lots of people don't have much to do with their siblings and i am deeply thankful for my relationship to mine. there's no shit that could come in my life that would stop me from being the fullest i could be for my sister and certainly ain't nobody gonna come in between. just as she has been a full sister to me from the moment she was old enough to see me as her sister and not as the mother substitute that i essentially and without choice i had to be.
still it feels really good to get a thanks because
it means she is thankful and does not take things for granted
she is kind and humble enough to recognise external influence
she is able to see and pick out on the love and attention and positive things out of an ugly childhood situation instead of blaming life, the universe and pretty much anybody who has ever crossed her path for her bad luck, and using it as the perfect excuse to demonstrating anger and abnoxiousness at anyone who comes her way - it shows me she is a person taking responsibility for her life and experience.
besides, it's refreshing to see a 20 year old who won't thank you for the clothes or gadgets you ve bought her but instead for paying her travels and simply for being there. and let me tell you a sister is a sacred thing to be.
on top of that all,
my sister wrote to me today to thank me for what i ve done for her because these things "have defined her to a great extent" and she is "happy to have become who she is because of it".
thanking me for what I've done for her over the years. I didnt really expect or even want a recognition for being her big sister. it's really more than my pleasure to do whatever i can from funding her studies to listening to her heartbreaks, sometimes being the big sister and sometimes being just her sister. i take pride in this "role" and and she is so precious to me.
of course, having such a cool person for a sister does help - never mention she is stunning to look at with her flaming green eyes and honest smile. She's only 20 but she lacks this self consciousness that makes one a shy, reserved person constantly doubting themselves, she is confident, free spirited and brave and to your face, i can only admire her and pretty sure she will keep most of it up because this is the core of her character and has been since she was very small. she has an amazing ability which is to be in the here and now of each moment with her whole being. this makes her a very alive and vibrant person with no regrets, truly an example a lot of people should take after including myself. although she is so young she is self reliant and often she will ask me for this or that and by the time i get the means to help her she will say "iz allright - got it!" or never mind, wasn't much of a deal after all.
i know lots of people don't have much to do with their siblings and i am deeply thankful for my relationship to mine. there's no shit that could come in my life that would stop me from being the fullest i could be for my sister and certainly ain't nobody gonna come in between. just as she has been a full sister to me from the moment she was old enough to see me as her sister and not as the mother substitute that i essentially and without choice i had to be.
still it feels really good to get a thanks because
it means she is thankful and does not take things for granted
she is kind and humble enough to recognise external influence
she is able to see and pick out on the love and attention and positive things out of an ugly childhood situation instead of blaming life, the universe and pretty much anybody who has ever crossed her path for her bad luck, and using it as the perfect excuse to demonstrating anger and abnoxiousness at anyone who comes her way - it shows me she is a person taking responsibility for her life and experience.
besides, it's refreshing to see a 20 year old who won't thank you for the clothes or gadgets you ve bought her but instead for paying her travels and simply for being there. and let me tell you a sister is a sacred thing to be.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
you know you0re a third culture kide when...
You know you’re a TCK when ...
- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and (if you live in America) your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all.
taken from http://www.tckid.com
- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and (if you live in America) your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all.
taken from http://www.tckid.com
Sunday, February 28, 2010
what i learned today
i was talking, or rather chatting, to a blogger friend who works somewhere very far away, in a country bordering on the caspian sea. we talked about the languages spoken there and somehow, it struck me to look it up. so i learned a bit about the area and that farsi although it uses the arabic alphabet is still an indoeuropean language. Also, i came to see that Neka, is one of the major cities around the caspian sea, which is actually more of a lake.
then i saw something funny on facebook and trying to find the same image so i could post it here, i stumbled upon some research about the psychology of scam victims and how this knowledge could translate into creating better security keys against online scams, too. I checked out the guys who conducted it and found the "magic phrase" The Magic Words are Squeamish Ossifrage which of course I had to find out more about, which led me to learn a bit about about plaintext, ciphertext, algorithms and sharing, or rather donating CPU time - all things i ve heard of before from my beloved nerd friends mind you, but that was many years ago.
oh, btw i also watched this about banning loveless marriages and thought it highly unfair that people would possibly reduce to, or judge whether a marriage is to be considered as such depending on sexual activity or whatever... such nonsense...
but the most important thing i learned today was definitely this:
how easter eggs ware made
then i saw something funny on facebook and trying to find the same image so i could post it here, i stumbled upon some research about the psychology of scam victims and how this knowledge could translate into creating better security keys against online scams, too. I checked out the guys who conducted it and found the "magic phrase" The Magic Words are Squeamish Ossifrage which of course I had to find out more about, which led me to learn a bit about about plaintext, ciphertext, algorithms and sharing, or rather donating CPU time - all things i ve heard of before from my beloved nerd friends mind you, but that was many years ago.
oh, btw i also watched this about banning loveless marriages and thought it highly unfair that people would possibly reduce to, or judge whether a marriage is to be considered as such depending on sexual activity or whatever... such nonsense...
but the most important thing i learned today was definitely this:
how easter eggs ware made
Saturday, February 13, 2010
been busy
in a good way...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
still busy!
yes this is actualy vsv's profile and blog and they have been "neglected" the last couple weeks. blame it all on ms hot and trim (aka in shoe lala land as rach) who got me started on the gym and pool and going out and meeting people.
I've had a fantastic saturday. scrap that, i've had the most fantastic week in about a year (long story).
AND a fantastic saturday compared to that week.
woke up happy, had a good swim, but mostly enjoyed gliding underwater... bliss. although usually i dream of being a big raven and flying sometimes today i was more for a fish. not sure fish have so much fun though, sea mammals more like. (i can so relate to the guy from the big blue sometimes)
so anyhoo i was going to Body worlds with a friend at last! I had asked him several times, can you really do it? he's a bit of a softy, water sign (cancer) and all. he said, yeah, i'll manage. dear lord we haven't been inside 2 mins and he's turning pale. the lady at the entrance with a stick up her behind wouldn't let us back out, said we have to go through the whole thing and get out at the EXIT.
so there we go through a pretty crowded exhibition (saturday afternoon in zurich... it's CULTURE time!) so it's me to the front trying to keep him looking at the floor and holding hands to lead him and keeping him from opening the fire exit doors lol until we made it to the EXIT without any upset stomach accidents -- phew!
then we had a really good talk with a cup of my favourite poison (cappucino, two sugars) and continued it with some excellent thai food at the other side of town.
and now i am tired and goodnight and if i don't see you tomorrow,
I've had a fantastic saturday. scrap that, i've had the most fantastic week in about a year (long story).
AND a fantastic saturday compared to that week.
woke up happy, had a good swim, but mostly enjoyed gliding underwater... bliss. although usually i dream of being a big raven and flying sometimes today i was more for a fish. not sure fish have so much fun though, sea mammals more like. (i can so relate to the guy from the big blue sometimes)
so anyhoo i was going to Body worlds with a friend at last! I had asked him several times, can you really do it? he's a bit of a softy, water sign (cancer) and all. he said, yeah, i'll manage. dear lord we haven't been inside 2 mins and he's turning pale. the lady at the entrance with a stick up her behind wouldn't let us back out, said we have to go through the whole thing and get out at the EXIT.
so there we go through a pretty crowded exhibition (saturday afternoon in zurich... it's CULTURE time!) so it's me to the front trying to keep him looking at the floor and holding hands to lead him and keeping him from opening the fire exit doors lol until we made it to the EXIT without any upset stomach accidents -- phew!
then we had a really good talk with a cup of my favourite poison (cappucino, two sugars) and continued it with some excellent thai food at the other side of town.
and now i am tired and goodnight and if i don't see you tomorrow,
Thursday, February 04, 2010
life's been busy
in a good way...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
monday, can't wait for monday!
i've lost or decided to drop four people in the last few weeks. realised it was only ok as long as i did what they wanted and didn't speak up, and when i stood up for myself and wasn't so accommodating anymore, i was suddenly "rude" and "thinking only of myself"... spoilt, manipulative people *shrugs* hope i've learnet better now. a bit angry at myself for my naivity but still...
this also became evident in a dream i had this morning, where i stood up for myself at someone who was taking advantage of me. so my sunday began nicely, and continued even more so... i can look back at a nice weekend, bring on monday...!
i do like my self of more and more.
i'm loving my new haircut, too!
this also became evident in a dream i had this morning, where i stood up for myself at someone who was taking advantage of me. so my sunday began nicely, and continued even more so... i can look back at a nice weekend, bring on monday...!
i do like my self of more and more.
i'm loving my new haircut, too!
love is...
love is...
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
good friends kick your ass
my phone rang on the way home tonight. it was my lovely friend C, for shorts let's call him Treasure, returning my call from the other night. "oh i'm so sorry my love, i couldn't answer it yesterday, i was talking to the supervising doctor, i just got home from the hospital and had to eat something before i could call you, this internship is such a pain on my cute gay ass (I am NOT translating the literal greek expression he used... i'm keeping it civil), i can't believe i am a doctor, can you believe it? omg i am a doctor, why didn't you let me drop out of medicine school, oh, my darling, it is so difficult, those night shifts, ah, if you'd see my dark cirles under my eyes, you must make me some of your creams... "
i was smiling and a tear froze on the edge of my eye at the same time
firstly, i was so proud of him. secondly, he is so incredily sweet, omg if i weren't gay i would so be all over him even if he still was. and i was a tiny little proud of myself, and no, not for his flawless greek (he is another student of mine turned close friend - and we're done with those cases)
thirdly, just an hour before the call, i was taking the 20 min walk from school to the main station freezing and having the following thoughts...
friends don't make it easy for you. friends won't provide you with the perfect excuse why you can't really pursue your dream just because you're asking for one. friends won't let you forget what your dream was just because you're too tired to remember. friends won't let you out of a relationship that they know makes you happy just because you're too stubborn to say sorry, friends will nag you to quit smoking until your ears bleed. friends won't let you drop out of school even if they have to spend the whole night over your shoulder making sure you finish that essay on deadline so you won't even have to repeat that one class. friends won't tell you it's ok to be lazy or that you deserve some chill time when you should be studying till your eyes pop out. friends don't give you permission to ruin your life. friends tell it like it is when you're about to make a mistake you'll regret for many years to come.
and thank god, i have some friends just like that. i hope my friends are thankful for this nagging know-it-all bitch, too.
i was smiling and a tear froze on the edge of my eye at the same time
firstly, i was so proud of him. secondly, he is so incredily sweet, omg if i weren't gay i would so be all over him even if he still was. and i was a tiny little proud of myself, and no, not for his flawless greek (he is another student of mine turned close friend - and we're done with those cases)
thirdly, just an hour before the call, i was taking the 20 min walk from school to the main station freezing and having the following thoughts...
friends don't make it easy for you. friends won't provide you with the perfect excuse why you can't really pursue your dream just because you're asking for one. friends won't let you forget what your dream was just because you're too tired to remember. friends won't let you out of a relationship that they know makes you happy just because you're too stubborn to say sorry, friends will nag you to quit smoking until your ears bleed. friends won't let you drop out of school even if they have to spend the whole night over your shoulder making sure you finish that essay on deadline so you won't even have to repeat that one class. friends won't tell you it's ok to be lazy or that you deserve some chill time when you should be studying till your eyes pop out. friends don't give you permission to ruin your life. friends tell it like it is when you're about to make a mistake you'll regret for many years to come.
and thank god, i have some friends just like that. i hope my friends are thankful for this nagging know-it-all bitch, too.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
on a more fun note... LARP and the opera sale
my flatmate went to the opera this morning, they had a sale. no, not opera tickets sale. they were getting rid of costumes from past seasons.
he told me he had to wait in line for 15 minutes, before he could be admitted into the storage hall where the things were. there were rows and rows of costumes, only separated into men's and women's, all sizes together. the prices ranging from 20 to 200 francs.
there were people there who go to this sale every year, some looking for extravagant dresses, or people looking for material for their hobby theatre group but also people who went just to have a look at the opera "backstage". i would love to go with next year! actually the sale will still be on tomorrow from 10 to 5.
he came home with some things that he can use at his next live action role-playing event (LARP): a long, woolen coat that will be suitable for his tailor character, a vest and leg covers from different pieces of fake fur that make him look like a neandertaler.
this is the events where he goes two to three times a year (and I have the house to myself for a week each )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=079ZfhnvFPs
he and other friends have been nagging me to go along and I am starting to think about it. of course, I would like to go as an elf, but with my stature, I'd have to be happy in a dwarf role
he told me he had to wait in line for 15 minutes, before he could be admitted into the storage hall where the things were. there were rows and rows of costumes, only separated into men's and women's, all sizes together. the prices ranging from 20 to 200 francs.
there were people there who go to this sale every year, some looking for extravagant dresses, or people looking for material for their hobby theatre group but also people who went just to have a look at the opera "backstage". i would love to go with next year! actually the sale will still be on tomorrow from 10 to 5.
he came home with some things that he can use at his next live action role-playing event (LARP): a long, woolen coat that will be suitable for his tailor character, a vest and leg covers from different pieces of fake fur that make him look like a neandertaler.
this is the events where he goes two to three times a year (and I have the house to myself for a week each )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=079ZfhnvFPs
he and other friends have been nagging me to go along and I am starting to think about it. of course, I would like to go as an elf, but with my stature, I'd have to be happy in a dwarf role
Friday, January 22, 2010
thursday night
last night was a very eventful night.
first, i met a friend who i hadnt seen for 3 years. for some reasons we had lost touch. he had called me after new years and we arranged to meet. i almost jumped at him when i saw him approaching and there were kisses and tight hugs we had a nice walk, weather was warm for winter, when i mixed in some german expressions with my greek he commented that i still spoke german with a german accent and i asnwered with a forced swiss accent that yes, but meanwhile i speak greek with a swiss accent! (my friend is italian but we speak greek with each other - it all started with me being his greek teacher many years ago) we both burst out laughing and from that moment on we didnt stop laughing for the next four hours throughout coffee and dinner - it was as if we hadnt been separated one day. there were no explanations offered or demanded, no apologies, no looking back and although usually i need a lot of all that, last night nothing of it mattered except having my friend back.
time went by very quickly and i had to run for my train, but still missed it. so instead of waiting in the cold for another hour till my next connection, i went in one of the coffee shops at the station. got some tea and instead of going to sit on my own in a corner, i approached the only other person in the cafe, it was a young woman. i thought maybe the hour will go by nicer if we exchange some words! so i sat a seat further from her and said something like "hey *smile*, did you miss your train, too? i have to wait another hour now" the woman freaked out, grabbed her bag and left hastily. i didnt know what to think...
so instead i focused on how good my reunion felt, and grabbed a newspaper only to read that the author of "love story" had passed. remember the "love is to never have to say you're sorry"? that was the first time i truly understood that one. and that i suppose, love is like energy, it never goes to waste, it just changes form so if you want to love somebody, you will find the right way to do it. that clicked nicely with my recent effort to be friends with my ex.
ok so i take the train home and for no particular reason, i sit at a two-seater, not the four-seaters. this older guy comes to sit next to me while there are four seaters free. i recognised him immediately, this was a pig i had fought with back in november because he was harassing another woman who was waiting with me for the train. she had looked uncomfortable and helpless, and when i went to talk to her and pulled her to me, he got really pissed off at me for removing his vicitm out of his reach and had tried to push me around and be a bully. he didnt remember me and i dont think it's because i cut my hair short in the meantime. i got up and left immediately, i was disgusted at him sitting next to me never mention i didnt want to give him any chance to have a go at me in that two seater corner. realised also how much i ve changed while until my mid twenties i would have frozen into a helpless state like that woman back in november.
in any case, i got home late, safe and unharassed.
first, i met a friend who i hadnt seen for 3 years. for some reasons we had lost touch. he had called me after new years and we arranged to meet. i almost jumped at him when i saw him approaching and there were kisses and tight hugs we had a nice walk, weather was warm for winter, when i mixed in some german expressions with my greek he commented that i still spoke german with a german accent and i asnwered with a forced swiss accent that yes, but meanwhile i speak greek with a swiss accent! (my friend is italian but we speak greek with each other - it all started with me being his greek teacher many years ago) we both burst out laughing and from that moment on we didnt stop laughing for the next four hours throughout coffee and dinner - it was as if we hadnt been separated one day. there were no explanations offered or demanded, no apologies, no looking back and although usually i need a lot of all that, last night nothing of it mattered except having my friend back.
time went by very quickly and i had to run for my train, but still missed it. so instead of waiting in the cold for another hour till my next connection, i went in one of the coffee shops at the station. got some tea and instead of going to sit on my own in a corner, i approached the only other person in the cafe, it was a young woman. i thought maybe the hour will go by nicer if we exchange some words! so i sat a seat further from her and said something like "hey *smile*, did you miss your train, too? i have to wait another hour now" the woman freaked out, grabbed her bag and left hastily. i didnt know what to think...
so instead i focused on how good my reunion felt, and grabbed a newspaper only to read that the author of "love story" had passed. remember the "love is to never have to say you're sorry"? that was the first time i truly understood that one. and that i suppose, love is like energy, it never goes to waste, it just changes form so if you want to love somebody, you will find the right way to do it. that clicked nicely with my recent effort to be friends with my ex.
ok so i take the train home and for no particular reason, i sit at a two-seater, not the four-seaters. this older guy comes to sit next to me while there are four seaters free. i recognised him immediately, this was a pig i had fought with back in november because he was harassing another woman who was waiting with me for the train. she had looked uncomfortable and helpless, and when i went to talk to her and pulled her to me, he got really pissed off at me for removing his vicitm out of his reach and had tried to push me around and be a bully. he didnt remember me and i dont think it's because i cut my hair short in the meantime. i got up and left immediately, i was disgusted at him sitting next to me never mention i didnt want to give him any chance to have a go at me in that two seater corner. realised also how much i ve changed while until my mid twenties i would have frozen into a helpless state like that woman back in november.
in any case, i got home late, safe and unharassed.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
weird leg situation
weird leg situation
by vsv, (http://vsv.shoe.org/)
my thigh gets numb very often lately, just the skin though. the last few days it also gives me a burning sensation. i wonder if some nerve is stuck between a vertebra or sth. i wonder should i try a massage first and see if it gets better or should i go directly to the doctor.
i wonder is it because i have no real problems my brain starts making up things to spice up my life.
by vsv, (http://vsv.shoe.org/)
my thigh gets numb very often lately, just the skin though. the last few days it also gives me a burning sensation. i wonder if some nerve is stuck between a vertebra or sth. i wonder should i try a massage first and see if it gets better or should i go directly to the doctor.
i wonder is it because i have no real problems my brain starts making up things to spice up my life.
Friday, January 15, 2010
i could have danced all night...
instead, i stayed up searching flights, looking for deals, matching departure times... and it's done. yep, god willing i should be in juneau end of may and my mate will join me mid june. then early july we're heading back home together with a night stop in toronto and i'm continuing to greece after dumping my bags and packing a much lighter backpack. had i found the usual itinerary via new york instead, i would have made a point of taking double advantage of the tickets and visiting the city for a few days. but i'm quite pleased as it is, i found such a good deal on the flights that it saved me exactly the amount i needed for my greek island getaway
knock wood everything should go fine and i'll be good to go!!!
knock wood everything should go fine and i'll be good to go!!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
the die is cast
plan of action has been decided on: my sister has been persuaded that she has no business to spend summer criss crossing scandinavia by train (where does she get those absurd ideas?!) but instead a moral duty to spend some time doing nothing with her favourite and only sister. sugar is game too, so we're all set crew-wise. we have appointed july as our month of adventure and the island we decided on is practically primitive with hardly any roads, electricity or phone lines, too rough for the average tourist or too complicated to access as only little boats take you there from only a couple beaches in crete. so i am very glad to spend some time before it is "developed", with only a few other like minded camping bathers around. all i need is fresh water, shade and super potent sun cream, feed my belly ripe fruit from the driving-by grocer's-on-a-truck, my eyes with the endless blue (no wait... i can see africa from my tent!) my soul with blinding white light and my ears with the sounds of the waves and the laughter and chatter of the women i love. (although there is space reserved for just one more in my heart, and in my tent )
rezept für meine perfekte sommerferien
oder mit welchen gedanken ich den winter überwinde
frau nehme im juli:
badesachen, id karte, etwas geld
den billigflug nach athen
den flughafen expressbus nach hause
die beste freundin mit
den linienschiff nach lesbos
die schwester samt zeltenzubehör mit
den langsamen schiff nach kreta
ein boot zur einsamen insel
gekocht wird: mit minimalismus und viel freude, ab und zu singend
serviert wird: steinheiss mit reichlich kühlen retsina
vor dem genuss wird eine danksagung für die ruhe, das blau und das fehlen an deutsch, französisch, englisch, holländisch oder gott bewahr schwiiiitzer tüüüütch sprechende bzw gackernde individuen auf dem strandtuch nebenan, hinter mir und vor mir ausgesprochen
zum dessert: im meer gekühlten, mit ouzo angereicherte wassermelone
frau nehme im juli:
badesachen, id karte, etwas geld
den billigflug nach athen
den flughafen expressbus nach hause
die beste freundin mit
den linienschiff nach lesbos
die schwester samt zeltenzubehör mit
den langsamen schiff nach kreta
ein boot zur einsamen insel
gekocht wird: mit minimalismus und viel freude, ab und zu singend
serviert wird: steinheiss mit reichlich kühlen retsina
vor dem genuss wird eine danksagung für die ruhe, das blau und das fehlen an deutsch, französisch, englisch, holländisch oder gott bewahr schwiiiitzer tüüüütch sprechende bzw gackernde individuen auf dem strandtuch nebenan, hinter mir und vor mir ausgesprochen
zum dessert: im meer gekühlten, mit ouzo angereicherte wassermelone
Saturday, January 09, 2010
revision and summer break
was supposed to drive to regensburg (Raincastle) in germany this morning with friends and return sunday afternoon. but the weather forecast for bavaria was bad and we decided to cancel it. was disappointing but then instead we went for a hike to regensberg (Rainmountain), which is a village on a hill with a medieval castle behind the village where i live (no snow storms over here)
anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....
i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!
in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.
initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!
then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol
put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.
i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...
anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....
i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!
in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.
initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!
then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol
put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.
i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...
Friday, January 08, 2010
a cynic!?
i just realised today that i ve become cynical. wow. what have i come to. not necesserily a bad thing but not a good thing either.
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
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