dear friend,

I wish I knew a magic spell to make you see how worthy you are of your own compassion and self love for the times you needed it most and for everyday.

You know, just because you have been naive, or soft, or vunerable, does not mean they had the right to go ahead and use you. You wouldn't hurt someone just because you could, would you?!

The way I answer to my critical self when thoughts like these arrive is "I still had lessons to learn" So, it wasn't your fault either, you weren't in a position to protect yourself yet! You still had things to learn.

Kick out the self judging to make space for the lessons.

And concentrate on now: These times are gone and things have already happened. The question is, what can you get out of it? How will you protect yourself next time? Trust your intution? Put yourself first? Learn to say no, draw the line, make yourself heard, remove yourself at the first signs of an unpleasant situation? (for me a great help was to take a wen-do class)

I only know how I came to forgive and love myself, which took a long time and was painful, but I can tell you, since that click happened I have not let people treat me badly or use my friendship, in fact I have removed several people from my life who I felt were either sucking the life out of me or simply were no enrichment at all. I did it without guilt - my resources and my time are not only finite but also very valuable to me.

How about your time and resources?

Every time you do not put up with situations and people, what you do in fact is to give a mental shout to yourself: I love you! And I am here to protect you.

I know from my own experience that I can "change the past" by changing the way I see it in the present. And seing pain and "mistakes" or "failures" as opportunities to learn and grow has been the turning point for me.

Also, maybe an idea is to try out reiki or some other form of healing energy and see if that is a method that agrees with you. Then you or an energy therapist can send this healing energy to yourself in the past, as a child, or as an adult in abusive relationships. I know this sounds like a heap of bogus to a lot of people and that's fine - whether is it a healing energy itself or a placebo effect, with me it has worked, and that's what matters. Abuse hardly enters my thoughts nowadays.

You take the responsibility for yourself, but you leave the judgement.

So, that is what I could come up with for today.
Have a blessed night