i had to ask myself this morning, i think this came up in my sleep, when i make a mistake, and i know the moment i am doing it, that is it a mistake, is it still a mistake? because last week was full of mistakes or false decisions and damn some of them i knew i would regret. but then funnily i didn't because when i was making them, it was my decision to do so, so they weren't mistakes, they were choices. is something a mistake only when we regret it? and what when we anyway learn something from it? are there any mistakes we don't learn anything from? in that case, are there mistakes at all?

got a busy day ahead and haven't slept much, i woke up right on time at one minute before four o clock. yay for me, i' ve been trying to condition myself to wake up that time. the tricky thing is to get to bed early enough, let's say by ten. and what with summer coming on and the new people i v ebeen meeting, this is getting increasingly difficult because i really do enjoy evenings, and warm weather, and interesting people.

i can see lines under my eyes, damn it, i turned thirty and look it. need to get some food for the fridge, and tidy my room, and do some laundry, bleh, i hate this house wifey stuff, if i were alone i wouldnt mind but the fact that i do them for somebody else as well, somebody i don't care about, gets on my nerves.

so, i think soon he will have to do his own shopping, cooking, and laundry and i will only clean the rooms i use, plus buy and cook my own food and wash my own clothes. i m sick of it, and i'm so sick of cat hair all over the place, all over me, all over my clothes, all over my bed, all over my face and even inside my nose. cat hair allergen combined with lack of sleep and i am a physical wreck.

on to the fun stuff, i saw that new friend again yesterday and wow! i saw her eyes at last. this time she was not wearing sunglasses. i was speechless by this colour. a fiery turqoise. paradoxical isn't it! a fiery turqoise! anyhow, we went to the annual bonfire in zurich, to chase the winter away :) and i came home smelling very smokey. she might come to visit me next weekend, but she asked if i d like to have coffee this week, too. so by that i suppose that we tolerate each other's company well :) but i m still praying i don't fall in love with anyone unexpectedly and head over heels and indeed i am lucky so far that i haven't fallen for anybody right now, i think i m a little sick of that being in love business, too, you know, the kind that is unrequited i mean. but hope the mutual thing will come along sometime this century because i dont know how long i can hold on withour sex. eight months already and well, some body parts are complaining for the lack of attention!