So I have turned off my laptop, and I am taking a short pre-bed time-out to mentally organise the next day... I lie back on my old, not so stable anymore, recliner kinda office chair...
Now, i know this chair is tricky, right? so i am careful, lie back with a sharpened sense of my physical perception,
and i manage. really good i might add. i find the middle point, the golden middle,
my oldest cat is in the room too, she feels my relaxation and decides...
mommy seems so soft right now, why don't I jump on her with all my might!! I lose balance, chair falls backwards, kitty gets scared and sticks her claws on my lap, and down we go tumbling chair and all.
What does this story teaches us.... ?
Get a new office chair!!!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
another great day
yes, another great day today, the weather even played along, was relatively sunny and relatively warm, it is time to dig out my sunglasses... scrap that, it is time to go get some new cool sunglasses... oh and did i mention, i got a pair of excellent new summer shoes yesterday! doesnt have so much with fashion and being materialistic and so on... but do you know what happiness it is to walk and not have your shoes squish or hurt on any spot?!
so, I had my second guitar lesson today, and i am sooo happy I am doing something for myself that I wanted to do in a very long time, i always thought music is essential to a well rounded general education... plus i simply love, love, LOVE the sound of a guitar. but i never even dared to dream about actually doing it.
and since right now i have still a lot of time on my hands, i decided to "allow" myself to just do the things i want to do! so i am taking guitar and singing lessons, along with swimming lessons... guitar i really want to learn, so i will continue it over the years, singing is more of a fun thing to do in a group, surely over time one does learn some basic things just not interested as far as taking private lessons... right now i can say that my shower singing does sound clearer! as for swimming, somehow i managed to "teach" myself to swim early on, but never the right way... i've learned two of the four swim styles in 8 lessons so far... i can't wait to be out in the open sea again!
all those things are giving me immense satisfaction and joy... next things on my list a) to buy and learn how to ride a bike, b) from the new school year on, i would like to start aikido... if i survive the first lesson that is :p
life is so good (not because of my lessons - but because it simply is!)
so, I had my second guitar lesson today, and i am sooo happy I am doing something for myself that I wanted to do in a very long time, i always thought music is essential to a well rounded general education... plus i simply love, love, LOVE the sound of a guitar. but i never even dared to dream about actually doing it.
and since right now i have still a lot of time on my hands, i decided to "allow" myself to just do the things i want to do! so i am taking guitar and singing lessons, along with swimming lessons... guitar i really want to learn, so i will continue it over the years, singing is more of a fun thing to do in a group, surely over time one does learn some basic things just not interested as far as taking private lessons... right now i can say that my shower singing does sound clearer! as for swimming, somehow i managed to "teach" myself to swim early on, but never the right way... i've learned two of the four swim styles in 8 lessons so far... i can't wait to be out in the open sea again!
all those things are giving me immense satisfaction and joy... next things on my list a) to buy and learn how to ride a bike, b) from the new school year on, i would like to start aikido... if i survive the first lesson that is :p
life is so good (not because of my lessons - but because it simply is!)
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
spring cleaning
i was pissed off the whole day today.
weird thing. until some time ago, when I am got pissed off, i started cleaning. then the day after my 30th birthday, i took a deep breath and decided to take things easy, i don't remember now the exact thought behind it, but it was as if I had pushed the magic button, a lot of things fell into place, and I stopped being that angry. or hurt. or anyhow, i stopped bothering that much, that often.
since then, I did not have a lot of incentive to clean, except for the occasional superficial vacuum and keeping kitchen and bathroom hygienic... and once i polished all the wooden floors down on my knees because I had just met a girl that had blown my mind away and i didn't know what to do with all that energy rush I was feeling. the girl stayed in my head for about a week, the floor polish lasted a couple months :)
a few days ago i decided it was time to give the flat a good old spring clean and scrub. declutter, cobwebs, scrub, windows, balcony... the works. i had done a big clean when i came back from africa last year. i threw away all kinds of garbage that had piled up during almost three years i had been away. and what three years they were, but this is a topic for another story.
let me tell you though that three years can make for a lot of garbage: clothes, souvenirs, clothes, papers, more clothes, gifts, household items, stuff that were mine, my flatmate's, stuff of exes... useless stuff, stuff that was in the way, that took space. when it was gone, I could breath deep again.
btu let's return to today. so here i was faced with having to clean, and it totally pissed me off. why do i have to do such weary job?
i love to look at the sky turning dark from my balcony. i love to look at the sky, period :) I would like to be a bird tonight.
when i was angry before, i used to clean. now, when i have to clean, i get angry. i might have conditioned myself to feel anger while cleaning... :/
Thursday, March 25, 2010
my sugar
She is naturally compassionate and patient, and those two qualities she hands out generously. Sometimes she puts her hand on my heart to remind me to "not be so harsh with people" because "everybody is carrying something around with them you don't know about".
She seems to have an insight on people's sorrow, as if she could read their story on their face, on their posture, the way they walk and move, their pauses in between sentences, and understand how it is that they've come to take their stance towards life.
She is one of the coolest people I know, and doesn't take anything you say personally. She will ask if she has a doubt and clear any misunderstandings. She simply doesn't have a bee in her bonnet. She is honest and straightforward, but in a non-confrontational way, you will never feel criticism, only genuine interest and understanding. She is free from any need for petty ego boosts.
She is not scared. She has an air of self-assuredness, she can enter any place and meet anyone and feel neither intimidated nor impressed. She has impeccable manners, the type that matters, like make you feel welcome and see that you are at ease. She will never embarass you, she is very thoughtful and considerate.
She is so precious, and I am not sure if I've ever taken the time to tell her how much I appreciate her influence and all I've learned from her. I am a braver person because she believed in me and expressed her love liberally.
I am truly blessed to have met, recognised, and kept a friend this precious. Beyond beautiful, she is wholesome. One of her kind, really.
She seems to have an insight on people's sorrow, as if she could read their story on their face, on their posture, the way they walk and move, their pauses in between sentences, and understand how it is that they've come to take their stance towards life.
She is one of the coolest people I know, and doesn't take anything you say personally. She will ask if she has a doubt and clear any misunderstandings. She simply doesn't have a bee in her bonnet. She is honest and straightforward, but in a non-confrontational way, you will never feel criticism, only genuine interest and understanding. She is free from any need for petty ego boosts.
She is not scared. She has an air of self-assuredness, she can enter any place and meet anyone and feel neither intimidated nor impressed. She has impeccable manners, the type that matters, like make you feel welcome and see that you are at ease. She will never embarass you, she is very thoughtful and considerate.
She is so precious, and I am not sure if I've ever taken the time to tell her how much I appreciate her influence and all I've learned from her. I am a braver person because she believed in me and expressed her love liberally.
I am truly blessed to have met, recognised, and kept a friend this precious. Beyond beautiful, she is wholesome. One of her kind, really.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
an amazing week
yes what an amazing week i ve had. new classes and all, but most importantly, I have come to some realisations/insight call it what you may, but a lot of things suddenly make sense and i got some answers.
on top of that all,
my sister wrote to me today to thank me for what i ve done for her because these things "have defined her to a great extent" and she is "happy to have become who she is because of it".
thanking me for what I've done for her over the years. I didnt really expect or even want a recognition for being her big sister. it's really more than my pleasure to do whatever i can from funding her studies to listening to her heartbreaks, sometimes being the big sister and sometimes being just her sister. i take pride in this "role" and and she is so precious to me.
of course, having such a cool person for a sister does help - never mention she is stunning to look at with her flaming green eyes and honest smile. She's only 20 but she lacks this self consciousness that makes one a shy, reserved person constantly doubting themselves, she is confident, free spirited and brave and to your face, i can only admire her and pretty sure she will keep most of it up because this is the core of her character and has been since she was very small. she has an amazing ability which is to be in the here and now of each moment with her whole being. this makes her a very alive and vibrant person with no regrets, truly an example a lot of people should take after including myself. although she is so young she is self reliant and often she will ask me for this or that and by the time i get the means to help her she will say "iz allright - got it!" or never mind, wasn't much of a deal after all.
i know lots of people don't have much to do with their siblings and i am deeply thankful for my relationship to mine. there's no shit that could come in my life that would stop me from being the fullest i could be for my sister and certainly ain't nobody gonna come in between. just as she has been a full sister to me from the moment she was old enough to see me as her sister and not as the mother substitute that i essentially and without choice i had to be.
still it feels really good to get a thanks because
it means she is thankful and does not take things for granted
she is kind and humble enough to recognise external influence
she is able to see and pick out on the love and attention and positive things out of an ugly childhood situation instead of blaming life, the universe and pretty much anybody who has ever crossed her path for her bad luck, and using it as the perfect excuse to demonstrating anger and abnoxiousness at anyone who comes her way - it shows me she is a person taking responsibility for her life and experience.
besides, it's refreshing to see a 20 year old who won't thank you for the clothes or gadgets you ve bought her but instead for paying her travels and simply for being there. and let me tell you a sister is a sacred thing to be.
on top of that all,
my sister wrote to me today to thank me for what i ve done for her because these things "have defined her to a great extent" and she is "happy to have become who she is because of it".
thanking me for what I've done for her over the years. I didnt really expect or even want a recognition for being her big sister. it's really more than my pleasure to do whatever i can from funding her studies to listening to her heartbreaks, sometimes being the big sister and sometimes being just her sister. i take pride in this "role" and and she is so precious to me.
of course, having such a cool person for a sister does help - never mention she is stunning to look at with her flaming green eyes and honest smile. She's only 20 but she lacks this self consciousness that makes one a shy, reserved person constantly doubting themselves, she is confident, free spirited and brave and to your face, i can only admire her and pretty sure she will keep most of it up because this is the core of her character and has been since she was very small. she has an amazing ability which is to be in the here and now of each moment with her whole being. this makes her a very alive and vibrant person with no regrets, truly an example a lot of people should take after including myself. although she is so young she is self reliant and often she will ask me for this or that and by the time i get the means to help her she will say "iz allright - got it!" or never mind, wasn't much of a deal after all.
i know lots of people don't have much to do with their siblings and i am deeply thankful for my relationship to mine. there's no shit that could come in my life that would stop me from being the fullest i could be for my sister and certainly ain't nobody gonna come in between. just as she has been a full sister to me from the moment she was old enough to see me as her sister and not as the mother substitute that i essentially and without choice i had to be.
still it feels really good to get a thanks because
it means she is thankful and does not take things for granted
she is kind and humble enough to recognise external influence
she is able to see and pick out on the love and attention and positive things out of an ugly childhood situation instead of blaming life, the universe and pretty much anybody who has ever crossed her path for her bad luck, and using it as the perfect excuse to demonstrating anger and abnoxiousness at anyone who comes her way - it shows me she is a person taking responsibility for her life and experience.
besides, it's refreshing to see a 20 year old who won't thank you for the clothes or gadgets you ve bought her but instead for paying her travels and simply for being there. and let me tell you a sister is a sacred thing to be.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
you know you0re a third culture kide when...
You know you’re a TCK when ...
- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and (if you live in America) your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all.
taken from http://www.tckid.com
- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and (if you live in America) your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your (hypothetical) kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all.
taken from http://www.tckid.com
Sunday, February 28, 2010
what i learned today
i was talking, or rather chatting, to a blogger friend who works somewhere very far away, in a country bordering on the caspian sea. we talked about the languages spoken there and somehow, it struck me to look it up. so i learned a bit about the area and that farsi although it uses the arabic alphabet is still an indoeuropean language. Also, i came to see that Neka, is one of the major cities around the caspian sea, which is actually more of a lake.
then i saw something funny on facebook and trying to find the same image so i could post it here, i stumbled upon some research about the psychology of scam victims and how this knowledge could translate into creating better security keys against online scams, too. I checked out the guys who conducted it and found the "magic phrase" The Magic Words are Squeamish Ossifrage which of course I had to find out more about, which led me to learn a bit about about plaintext, ciphertext, algorithms and sharing, or rather donating CPU time - all things i ve heard of before from my beloved nerd friends mind you, but that was many years ago.
oh, btw i also watched this about banning loveless marriages and thought it highly unfair that people would possibly reduce to, or judge whether a marriage is to be considered as such depending on sexual activity or whatever... such nonsense...
but the most important thing i learned today was definitely this:
how easter eggs ware made
then i saw something funny on facebook and trying to find the same image so i could post it here, i stumbled upon some research about the psychology of scam victims and how this knowledge could translate into creating better security keys against online scams, too. I checked out the guys who conducted it and found the "magic phrase" The Magic Words are Squeamish Ossifrage which of course I had to find out more about, which led me to learn a bit about about plaintext, ciphertext, algorithms and sharing, or rather donating CPU time - all things i ve heard of before from my beloved nerd friends mind you, but that was many years ago.
oh, btw i also watched this about banning loveless marriages and thought it highly unfair that people would possibly reduce to, or judge whether a marriage is to be considered as such depending on sexual activity or whatever... such nonsense...
but the most important thing i learned today was definitely this:
how easter eggs ware made
Saturday, February 13, 2010
been busy
in a good way...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
still busy!
yes this is actualy vsv's profile and blog and they have been "neglected" the last couple weeks. blame it all on ms hot and trim (aka in shoe lala land as rach) who got me started on the gym and pool and going out and meeting people.
I've had a fantastic saturday. scrap that, i've had the most fantastic week in about a year (long story).
AND a fantastic saturday compared to that week.
woke up happy, had a good swim, but mostly enjoyed gliding underwater... bliss. although usually i dream of being a big raven and flying sometimes today i was more for a fish. not sure fish have so much fun though, sea mammals more like. (i can so relate to the guy from the big blue sometimes)
so anyhoo i was going to Body worlds with a friend at last! I had asked him several times, can you really do it? he's a bit of a softy, water sign (cancer) and all. he said, yeah, i'll manage. dear lord we haven't been inside 2 mins and he's turning pale. the lady at the entrance with a stick up her behind wouldn't let us back out, said we have to go through the whole thing and get out at the EXIT.
so there we go through a pretty crowded exhibition (saturday afternoon in zurich... it's CULTURE time!) so it's me to the front trying to keep him looking at the floor and holding hands to lead him and keeping him from opening the fire exit doors lol until we made it to the EXIT without any upset stomach accidents -- phew!
then we had a really good talk with a cup of my favourite poison (cappucino, two sugars) and continued it with some excellent thai food at the other side of town.
and now i am tired and goodnight and if i don't see you tomorrow,
I've had a fantastic saturday. scrap that, i've had the most fantastic week in about a year (long story).
AND a fantastic saturday compared to that week.
woke up happy, had a good swim, but mostly enjoyed gliding underwater... bliss. although usually i dream of being a big raven and flying sometimes today i was more for a fish. not sure fish have so much fun though, sea mammals more like. (i can so relate to the guy from the big blue sometimes)
so anyhoo i was going to Body worlds with a friend at last! I had asked him several times, can you really do it? he's a bit of a softy, water sign (cancer) and all. he said, yeah, i'll manage. dear lord we haven't been inside 2 mins and he's turning pale. the lady at the entrance with a stick up her behind wouldn't let us back out, said we have to go through the whole thing and get out at the EXIT.
so there we go through a pretty crowded exhibition (saturday afternoon in zurich... it's CULTURE time!) so it's me to the front trying to keep him looking at the floor and holding hands to lead him and keeping him from opening the fire exit doors lol until we made it to the EXIT without any upset stomach accidents -- phew!
then we had a really good talk with a cup of my favourite poison (cappucino, two sugars) and continued it with some excellent thai food at the other side of town.
and now i am tired and goodnight and if i don't see you tomorrow,
Thursday, February 04, 2010
life's been busy
in a good way...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
along with study, household, laundry and all the other things to do, i had to admit to myself that i needed to go shopping. i realised i had been wearing the same baggy jeans and hoody for the past months, week after week. i couldnt be bothered to pick and match anythign else, it was just comfortable. I didn't care to look good and it never crossed my mind what other people might think.
then I realised it's time to go out there and find myself a nice, dependable, honest... bla, bla, girl to really love... and to do so, i think, some cute clothes might help... you know, to catch her attention until she takes a look under the surface ;)
but instead of cute and sexy I just got a few warm, soft, comfortable and practical items... you know, stuff with descriptions like microfleece, thermal, wind/waterproof... and because i have such a good eye for bargains it all just cost me pizza and soda for four... all organic cotton/recycled plastic material and most important: fair trade... aren't i happy my fav shop has jaw dropping sales twice a year...
now besides that, for some reason shoes have been dying on me... three pairs of sports shoes i finallythat were so worn their soles were slippery smooth... they were between 10 and 4 years old... today i noticed two things: my ankle boots I've been wearing for the past four winters have slightly opened at the side, which I can repair with some glue i'm sure... and my loyal beloved 8 year old birkenstocks that i wear indoors... need replacement too. so, I'll be out looking for some running shoes and for new birkis, lest I remain only with dressy heels and stuff...
funny how i can remember exactly where i got all my shoes, even about how much they cost. maybe because they are something that stays with me a long time, darn my shoes stay with me longer than most people. or maybe because i put so much thought into choosing them - they have to be good quality and perfect fit. usually that means also pricey but i've only paid "full price" for shoes when it was an emergency and I just needed a pair right away, which was twice I can remember off the top of my head right now and was on a trip...
once i was in athens and the zip of my knee boots broke! so I got the said ankle boots that are opening up now... and then last year i needed lighter, open shoes cuz weather on my trip was much warmer than anticipated. never let anyone advise you, you get winter in africa. ever. screw the bullshit talk about "ask the locals". lonely planet rules. this is now the reason i have two pairs of same style trekking sandals.
twice more I paid full price, both times just because i wanted those dead cute, black, solid ankle strap ballerinas, sort of like flat mary janes but sexier... the first time I needed some presentable shoes for work and also wore them at a ball with a long black velvet dress - that was when i was 20 and i had to give them away a couple years later because my foot outgrew them (!) before i got any decent wear out of them...
the other pair, two years ago, was just because I wanted this type of shoe and when I wore them for the first time they cut me so hard in my achilles i think i was lucky no damage was done... I couldn't walk straight for two weeks and had the wounds to prove it for a month. can't wait for spring to wear them again... they softened of course, with my own blood...
oh dear, what a boring rant.... I guess i am tired and talking nonsense... anyhow, sauna today was reaaaalllly good. am i the only person who gets incredibly horny in there?? and i'm not even at the middle of my cycle... just let me find that bold enough girl who'll get naughty with me in there on a weekday morning, when the place is deserted...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
monday, can't wait for monday!
i've lost or decided to drop four people in the last few weeks. realised it was only ok as long as i did what they wanted and didn't speak up, and when i stood up for myself and wasn't so accommodating anymore, i was suddenly "rude" and "thinking only of myself"... spoilt, manipulative people *shrugs* hope i've learnet better now. a bit angry at myself for my naivity but still...
this also became evident in a dream i had this morning, where i stood up for myself at someone who was taking advantage of me. so my sunday began nicely, and continued even more so... i can look back at a nice weekend, bring on monday...!
i do like my self of more and more.
i'm loving my new haircut, too!
this also became evident in a dream i had this morning, where i stood up for myself at someone who was taking advantage of me. so my sunday began nicely, and continued even more so... i can look back at a nice weekend, bring on monday...!
i do like my self of more and more.
i'm loving my new haircut, too!
love is...
love is...
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
good friends kick your ass
my phone rang on the way home tonight. it was my lovely friend C, for shorts let's call him Treasure, returning my call from the other night. "oh i'm so sorry my love, i couldn't answer it yesterday, i was talking to the supervising doctor, i just got home from the hospital and had to eat something before i could call you, this internship is such a pain on my cute gay ass (I am NOT translating the literal greek expression he used... i'm keeping it civil), i can't believe i am a doctor, can you believe it? omg i am a doctor, why didn't you let me drop out of medicine school, oh, my darling, it is so difficult, those night shifts, ah, if you'd see my dark cirles under my eyes, you must make me some of your creams... "
i was smiling and a tear froze on the edge of my eye at the same time
firstly, i was so proud of him. secondly, he is so incredily sweet, omg if i weren't gay i would so be all over him even if he still was. and i was a tiny little proud of myself, and no, not for his flawless greek (he is another student of mine turned close friend - and we're done with those cases)
thirdly, just an hour before the call, i was taking the 20 min walk from school to the main station freezing and having the following thoughts...
friends don't make it easy for you. friends won't provide you with the perfect excuse why you can't really pursue your dream just because you're asking for one. friends won't let you forget what your dream was just because you're too tired to remember. friends won't let you out of a relationship that they know makes you happy just because you're too stubborn to say sorry, friends will nag you to quit smoking until your ears bleed. friends won't let you drop out of school even if they have to spend the whole night over your shoulder making sure you finish that essay on deadline so you won't even have to repeat that one class. friends won't tell you it's ok to be lazy or that you deserve some chill time when you should be studying till your eyes pop out. friends don't give you permission to ruin your life. friends tell it like it is when you're about to make a mistake you'll regret for many years to come.
and thank god, i have some friends just like that. i hope my friends are thankful for this nagging know-it-all bitch, too.
i was smiling and a tear froze on the edge of my eye at the same time
firstly, i was so proud of him. secondly, he is so incredily sweet, omg if i weren't gay i would so be all over him even if he still was. and i was a tiny little proud of myself, and no, not for his flawless greek (he is another student of mine turned close friend - and we're done with those cases)
thirdly, just an hour before the call, i was taking the 20 min walk from school to the main station freezing and having the following thoughts...
friends don't make it easy for you. friends won't provide you with the perfect excuse why you can't really pursue your dream just because you're asking for one. friends won't let you forget what your dream was just because you're too tired to remember. friends won't let you out of a relationship that they know makes you happy just because you're too stubborn to say sorry, friends will nag you to quit smoking until your ears bleed. friends won't let you drop out of school even if they have to spend the whole night over your shoulder making sure you finish that essay on deadline so you won't even have to repeat that one class. friends won't tell you it's ok to be lazy or that you deserve some chill time when you should be studying till your eyes pop out. friends don't give you permission to ruin your life. friends tell it like it is when you're about to make a mistake you'll regret for many years to come.
and thank god, i have some friends just like that. i hope my friends are thankful for this nagging know-it-all bitch, too.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
on a more fun note... LARP and the opera sale
my flatmate went to the opera this morning, they had a sale. no, not opera tickets sale. they were getting rid of costumes from past seasons.
he told me he had to wait in line for 15 minutes, before he could be admitted into the storage hall where the things were. there were rows and rows of costumes, only separated into men's and women's, all sizes together. the prices ranging from 20 to 200 francs.
there were people there who go to this sale every year, some looking for extravagant dresses, or people looking for material for their hobby theatre group but also people who went just to have a look at the opera "backstage". i would love to go with next year! actually the sale will still be on tomorrow from 10 to 5.
he came home with some things that he can use at his next live action role-playing event (LARP): a long, woolen coat that will be suitable for his tailor character, a vest and leg covers from different pieces of fake fur that make him look like a neandertaler.
this is the events where he goes two to three times a year (and I have the house to myself for a week each )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=079ZfhnvFPs
he and other friends have been nagging me to go along and I am starting to think about it. of course, I would like to go as an elf, but with my stature, I'd have to be happy in a dwarf role
he told me he had to wait in line for 15 minutes, before he could be admitted into the storage hall where the things were. there were rows and rows of costumes, only separated into men's and women's, all sizes together. the prices ranging from 20 to 200 francs.
there were people there who go to this sale every year, some looking for extravagant dresses, or people looking for material for their hobby theatre group but also people who went just to have a look at the opera "backstage". i would love to go with next year! actually the sale will still be on tomorrow from 10 to 5.
he came home with some things that he can use at his next live action role-playing event (LARP): a long, woolen coat that will be suitable for his tailor character, a vest and leg covers from different pieces of fake fur that make him look like a neandertaler.
this is the events where he goes two to three times a year (and I have the house to myself for a week each )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=079ZfhnvFPs
he and other friends have been nagging me to go along and I am starting to think about it. of course, I would like to go as an elf, but with my stature, I'd have to be happy in a dwarf role
Friday, January 22, 2010
thursday night
last night was a very eventful night.
first, i met a friend who i hadnt seen for 3 years. for some reasons we had lost touch. he had called me after new years and we arranged to meet. i almost jumped at him when i saw him approaching and there were kisses and tight hugs we had a nice walk, weather was warm for winter, when i mixed in some german expressions with my greek he commented that i still spoke german with a german accent and i asnwered with a forced swiss accent that yes, but meanwhile i speak greek with a swiss accent! (my friend is italian but we speak greek with each other - it all started with me being his greek teacher many years ago) we both burst out laughing and from that moment on we didnt stop laughing for the next four hours throughout coffee and dinner - it was as if we hadnt been separated one day. there were no explanations offered or demanded, no apologies, no looking back and although usually i need a lot of all that, last night nothing of it mattered except having my friend back.
time went by very quickly and i had to run for my train, but still missed it. so instead of waiting in the cold for another hour till my next connection, i went in one of the coffee shops at the station. got some tea and instead of going to sit on my own in a corner, i approached the only other person in the cafe, it was a young woman. i thought maybe the hour will go by nicer if we exchange some words! so i sat a seat further from her and said something like "hey *smile*, did you miss your train, too? i have to wait another hour now" the woman freaked out, grabbed her bag and left hastily. i didnt know what to think...
so instead i focused on how good my reunion felt, and grabbed a newspaper only to read that the author of "love story" had passed. remember the "love is to never have to say you're sorry"? that was the first time i truly understood that one. and that i suppose, love is like energy, it never goes to waste, it just changes form so if you want to love somebody, you will find the right way to do it. that clicked nicely with my recent effort to be friends with my ex.
ok so i take the train home and for no particular reason, i sit at a two-seater, not the four-seaters. this older guy comes to sit next to me while there are four seaters free. i recognised him immediately, this was a pig i had fought with back in november because he was harassing another woman who was waiting with me for the train. she had looked uncomfortable and helpless, and when i went to talk to her and pulled her to me, he got really pissed off at me for removing his vicitm out of his reach and had tried to push me around and be a bully. he didnt remember me and i dont think it's because i cut my hair short in the meantime. i got up and left immediately, i was disgusted at him sitting next to me never mention i didnt want to give him any chance to have a go at me in that two seater corner. realised also how much i ve changed while until my mid twenties i would have frozen into a helpless state like that woman back in november.
in any case, i got home late, safe and unharassed.
first, i met a friend who i hadnt seen for 3 years. for some reasons we had lost touch. he had called me after new years and we arranged to meet. i almost jumped at him when i saw him approaching and there were kisses and tight hugs we had a nice walk, weather was warm for winter, when i mixed in some german expressions with my greek he commented that i still spoke german with a german accent and i asnwered with a forced swiss accent that yes, but meanwhile i speak greek with a swiss accent! (my friend is italian but we speak greek with each other - it all started with me being his greek teacher many years ago) we both burst out laughing and from that moment on we didnt stop laughing for the next four hours throughout coffee and dinner - it was as if we hadnt been separated one day. there were no explanations offered or demanded, no apologies, no looking back and although usually i need a lot of all that, last night nothing of it mattered except having my friend back.
time went by very quickly and i had to run for my train, but still missed it. so instead of waiting in the cold for another hour till my next connection, i went in one of the coffee shops at the station. got some tea and instead of going to sit on my own in a corner, i approached the only other person in the cafe, it was a young woman. i thought maybe the hour will go by nicer if we exchange some words! so i sat a seat further from her and said something like "hey *smile*, did you miss your train, too? i have to wait another hour now" the woman freaked out, grabbed her bag and left hastily. i didnt know what to think...
so instead i focused on how good my reunion felt, and grabbed a newspaper only to read that the author of "love story" had passed. remember the "love is to never have to say you're sorry"? that was the first time i truly understood that one. and that i suppose, love is like energy, it never goes to waste, it just changes form so if you want to love somebody, you will find the right way to do it. that clicked nicely with my recent effort to be friends with my ex.
ok so i take the train home and for no particular reason, i sit at a two-seater, not the four-seaters. this older guy comes to sit next to me while there are four seaters free. i recognised him immediately, this was a pig i had fought with back in november because he was harassing another woman who was waiting with me for the train. she had looked uncomfortable and helpless, and when i went to talk to her and pulled her to me, he got really pissed off at me for removing his vicitm out of his reach and had tried to push me around and be a bully. he didnt remember me and i dont think it's because i cut my hair short in the meantime. i got up and left immediately, i was disgusted at him sitting next to me never mention i didnt want to give him any chance to have a go at me in that two seater corner. realised also how much i ve changed while until my mid twenties i would have frozen into a helpless state like that woman back in november.
in any case, i got home late, safe and unharassed.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
weird leg situation
weird leg situation
by vsv, (http://vsv.shoe.org/)
my thigh gets numb very often lately, just the skin though. the last few days it also gives me a burning sensation. i wonder if some nerve is stuck between a vertebra or sth. i wonder should i try a massage first and see if it gets better or should i go directly to the doctor.
i wonder is it because i have no real problems my brain starts making up things to spice up my life.
by vsv, (http://vsv.shoe.org/)
my thigh gets numb very often lately, just the skin though. the last few days it also gives me a burning sensation. i wonder if some nerve is stuck between a vertebra or sth. i wonder should i try a massage first and see if it gets better or should i go directly to the doctor.
i wonder is it because i have no real problems my brain starts making up things to spice up my life.
Friday, January 15, 2010
i could have danced all night...
instead, i stayed up searching flights, looking for deals, matching departure times... and it's done. yep, god willing i should be in juneau end of may and my mate will join me mid june. then early july we're heading back home together with a night stop in toronto and i'm continuing to greece after dumping my bags and packing a much lighter backpack. had i found the usual itinerary via new york instead, i would have made a point of taking double advantage of the tickets and visiting the city for a few days. but i'm quite pleased as it is, i found such a good deal on the flights that it saved me exactly the amount i needed for my greek island getaway
knock wood everything should go fine and i'll be good to go!!!
knock wood everything should go fine and i'll be good to go!!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
the die is cast
plan of action has been decided on: my sister has been persuaded that she has no business to spend summer criss crossing scandinavia by train (where does she get those absurd ideas?!) but instead a moral duty to spend some time doing nothing with her favourite and only sister. sugar is game too, so we're all set crew-wise. we have appointed july as our month of adventure and the island we decided on is practically primitive with hardly any roads, electricity or phone lines, too rough for the average tourist or too complicated to access as only little boats take you there from only a couple beaches in crete. so i am very glad to spend some time before it is "developed", with only a few other like minded camping bathers around. all i need is fresh water, shade and super potent sun cream, feed my belly ripe fruit from the driving-by grocer's-on-a-truck, my eyes with the endless blue (no wait... i can see africa from my tent!) my soul with blinding white light and my ears with the sounds of the waves and the laughter and chatter of the women i love. (although there is space reserved for just one more in my heart, and in my tent )
rezept für meine perfekte sommerferien
oder mit welchen gedanken ich den winter überwinde
frau nehme im juli:
badesachen, id karte, etwas geld
den billigflug nach athen
den flughafen expressbus nach hause
die beste freundin mit
den linienschiff nach lesbos
die schwester samt zeltenzubehör mit
den langsamen schiff nach kreta
ein boot zur einsamen insel
gekocht wird: mit minimalismus und viel freude, ab und zu singend
serviert wird: steinheiss mit reichlich kühlen retsina
vor dem genuss wird eine danksagung für die ruhe, das blau und das fehlen an deutsch, französisch, englisch, holländisch oder gott bewahr schwiiiitzer tüüüütch sprechende bzw gackernde individuen auf dem strandtuch nebenan, hinter mir und vor mir ausgesprochen
zum dessert: im meer gekühlten, mit ouzo angereicherte wassermelone
frau nehme im juli:
badesachen, id karte, etwas geld
den billigflug nach athen
den flughafen expressbus nach hause
die beste freundin mit
den linienschiff nach lesbos
die schwester samt zeltenzubehör mit
den langsamen schiff nach kreta
ein boot zur einsamen insel
gekocht wird: mit minimalismus und viel freude, ab und zu singend
serviert wird: steinheiss mit reichlich kühlen retsina
vor dem genuss wird eine danksagung für die ruhe, das blau und das fehlen an deutsch, französisch, englisch, holländisch oder gott bewahr schwiiiitzer tüüüütch sprechende bzw gackernde individuen auf dem strandtuch nebenan, hinter mir und vor mir ausgesprochen
zum dessert: im meer gekühlten, mit ouzo angereicherte wassermelone
Saturday, January 09, 2010
revision and summer break
was supposed to drive to regensburg (Raincastle) in germany this morning with friends and return sunday afternoon. but the weather forecast for bavaria was bad and we decided to cancel it. was disappointing but then instead we went for a hike to regensberg (Rainmountain), which is a village on a hill with a medieval castle behind the village where i live (no snow storms over here)
anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....
i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!
in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.
initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!
then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol
put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.
i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...
anyhow the beginning of the year has been great except for that foot pain and the year ahead looks like that for now: almost three weeks off school in february (revision time), almost two weeks off for easter (also revision time) and....
i found out the other day that my exams are end of may not end of june. oops! that means minus four weeks to study. at the same time, it also means four more weeks of vacation!
in total, that gives me eleven weeks of summer freedom! 11 weeks people!!!! 11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!! i could travel the whole wide world in 11 weeks!!! lol! if i had the money, of course.
initially i had planned to go to my godparents and see them and my younger "godsister" and nephews and meet the new niece we're expecting in a couple weeks. there is hiking and fishing and lots of other things to do there, southeast alaska is stunning and there's plenty, i mean plenty! yummy things to stuff my face with (always there has to be good food wherever i go... big decision factor) also my darling flatmate/best friend/ex is coming along for a couple weeks and my family are eager to meet him so that will be a blast and possibly my oldest "godsister" will come home too while i'm there and that will be just fantastic!!
then again, i would really like to be in greece and explore some new greek island with sugar and/or my sis... you can hardly run out of greek islands to explore in a lifetime!! lol
put up our tent under trees by a quiet beach, squint my eyes at the afternoon sun, burn my toes on the hot sand, ah at last reach the cool water! swim swim swim swim swim and scream and play and swim swim swim and float on my back and then get out and read my german trashy lesbian novels while we stuff our faces with cooling watermelon and fragrant melons and ripe juicy peaches and firm nectarins and hot cheesepie and cold spinachpie, because swimming makes you hungry ;) stun at bright coloured sunsets, make a fire, take naked night dips, watch the stars, play stoned word games... always the first loser with those lol and then go to sleep, get up next day with 13 mosquito bites and do it all again, until we have enough of this sweet life.
i need to find a way (money) and arrange to do both... somehow... until then... revision... revision... revision...
Friday, January 08, 2010
a cynic!?
i just realised today that i ve become cynical. wow. what have i come to. not necesserily a bad thing but not a good thing either.
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
sarcastic is one thing, i can tell myself, nah, no need to suppress it. sarcasm does not necessarily represent my emotions, it can be done just for the sake of it. but if my newly acquired cynical tendency turns into taking a cynical stance to life... not as horrible as i would find indifference, because it's still some kind of a reaction i think, (maybe some sort of active/conscious indifference)? but it would just suck, really!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
remembering or forgetting?
been spending some time immobilised in bed. dont really want to read. can't concentrate, i m having a very "fertile" period in my brain these weeks. it demands no distractions, bombards me with memories at day and dreams at night.
so instead of taking my mind off it with a good book, i m listening to good music, singing along, listening again, feeling deeper, singing better.
thinking, remembering. i am glad to remember. there is so much stuff that, in a very well thought wish, would prefer had never happened. but happen they did and as long as things happen, i am glader to remember them than to forget them. tears are bitter. but the water of forgetting would be bitterer. i imagine it would offer me sweet bliss, leave me with some empty spots, maybe some sort of phantom pains, maybe put me at some kind of peace with the world - but it would withhold from me the resolution, the strength, the lessons of tears. and then that's the stuff that puts me at peace with myself.
i listen to the beautiful songs of my beloved composers and poets and i get lost in translating the images
so instead of taking my mind off it with a good book, i m listening to good music, singing along, listening again, feeling deeper, singing better.
thinking, remembering. i am glad to remember. there is so much stuff that, in a very well thought wish, would prefer had never happened. but happen they did and as long as things happen, i am glader to remember them than to forget them. tears are bitter. but the water of forgetting would be bitterer. i imagine it would offer me sweet bliss, leave me with some empty spots, maybe some sort of phantom pains, maybe put me at some kind of peace with the world - but it would withhold from me the resolution, the strength, the lessons of tears. and then that's the stuff that puts me at peace with myself.
i listen to the beautiful songs of my beloved composers and poets and i get lost in translating the images
Monday, December 28, 2009
pws na glitwsete lefta
den xreiazete sto spiti sas na epikratoun syn8hkes kayswna kai to xeimwna. katevaste to 8ermostath sas stous 18 va8mous. forontas kaltses h pantofles kai ena fouter h ena fleece mesa sto spiti 8a eisaste zesta kai 8a kanete oikonomia sto petrelaio. anapste to tzaki anti na to exete mono san diakosmhtiko stoixeio. an exete ypodapedia 8ermansh, mazepste ta xalia sas, mplokaroun th zesth kai sas prokaloun apwleies energeias.
otan pshnete, afhste sto telos thn porta tou fournou anoixth gia na zestanete to xwro sas
einai shmantiko na aerizoume to spiti mas mia me dyo fores thn hmera. mhn xehnate omws ta para8yra anoixta otan aerizete to spiti. mporeite na kanete to exhs: anoixte ta para8yra se ena ena ta dwmatia, perimenete tria leptakia kai meta arxiste na ta kleinete me thn idia seira pou ta anoixate.
an exete provlhma xhrou aera mesa sto spiti to xeimwna, den einai anagkh na agorasete afygranthra. valte vregmenes petsetes panw sta kalorifer sas - gia ypodapedia 8ermansh, afhste mia katsarola me vrasto nero sto dwmatio sas prin koimh8eite. mhn afhnete na sas plasaroun proionta ws anagkes, otan yparxoun aples, fthnes lyseis.
vgazete apo thn mpriza syskeves opws thleorash, dvd player, microwave ktl anti na tis afhnete sto standby. mhn afhnete fortistes sthn priza.
odhgeite to aytokinhto sas oikologika, ayto shmainei oxi mono alla kai na elegxete thn piesh sta lastixa sas taktika. svhste th mhxanh otan eiste stamathmenoi perimenontas kapoion, ktl.
sthn katanalwsh petrelaiou kai hlektrikou mporoume na exoinomhsoume xrhmata voh8wntas taytoxrona kai to perivallon.
kai h iatrikh peri8alpsh mporei na apotelesei megalo exodo. mhn phgainete sto giatro me thn idia syxnothta pou klanete. frontiste thn ygeia sas, trwte ygeina, xaste varos an einai aparaithto, kante gymnastikh. oi megales mastiges tis epoxhs mas dhmiourgh8hkan apo mia koultoura vasismenh sto stress, thn elleipsh xronou kai thn ypova8mismenh poiothta zwhs.
gia onoma tou 8eou plenete ta dontia sas toulaxiston meta to prwino kai prin ton ypno. skefteite oti ta xalasmena dontia 8a sas prokalesoun exoda xiliadwn eyrw, synh8ws ekei pou den to perimenete.
an exete palia tshirt gia petama, xrhsimopoihste ta gia xeskonopana h kopste ta se lwrides gia thn apotrixwsh me keri.
gia na xrhsimopieite ta xyrafakia sas perissotero, skoupiste apala meta th xrhsh kai valte ta sto ntoulapi, anti na ta afhnete sto ntous opou eiani ekte8imena sthn ygrasia.
gia na kaigontai pio arga ta keria sas, valte ta sthn katapsyxh gia merikes wres prin ta xrhsimopihsete.
mh petate ta palia hmerologia toixou. an kapoio apo ta topia h alles eikones sas aresan idiaitera, mporeite na to xrhsimopoihsete san poster mono tou h me mia aplh kai fthnh korniza kai na to valete ston toixo. alliws dwste ta sta paidia sas na kanoun kollaz.
synh8ws diname sta paidia periodika gia na knoun kollaz. ta periodika synh8ws einai akriva kai apogohevoun afou einai pio gemata em diafhmhseis para me perioexomeno. an yparxei kapoio periodiko pou sas endiaferei idiaitera, tote kalytera na kanete mia syndromh afou etsi glitwnete perissotera apo thn timh teyxous sta periptera. skefteite oti mporeite na enhmerw8eite gia opoiodhpote 8ema sas endiaferei kai na diavasete kala periodika dwrean, online.
axiopoihste to internet kai gia na kanete oikonomia se akriva thlefwnhmata exwterikou: xrhsimopoihste skype, msn messenger kai ena headset gia na milhsete me filous kai syggeneis sto exwteriko dwrean apo computer se computer, h apo to computer sas sto thlefwno tous poly fthna mesw internet.
otan xreiazeste na daneisteite kati, steilte ena email stous gnwstous sas na rwthsete, den kostizei tipota!
anti na parete ena akrivo dwro h ena kouti glyka se mia episkepsh, pshste ena kehk, 8a sas er8ei pio fthna kai 8a eiani kai pio psorwpiko to dwro! epishs 8a exaskhsete thn zaxaroplastikh sas!
(sthn ellada isws ayth h symvoulh na einai ligo atoph) vreite mia daneistikh vivlio8hkh anti na agorazete vivlia. merikes vivlio8hkes exoun kai dvd anti na ta noikiazete sto videoclub.
zhthste apo filous sas na daneisteite vivlia h dvd pou exoun anti na ta agorasete, kai fysika antapodwste th xarh otan mporeite.
kaleste tous filous sas gia faghto sto spiti sas, anti na kanonisete na vgeite se estiatorio kai dokimaste na ftiaxete kati kainourio. mhn pate an agorasete akriva vivlia mageirikhs, mporeite na vreite syntages sto internet gia ta panta (kai ta koala).
o daneismos metaxy filwn den sas glitwnei lefta mono gia vivlia. akoma an xreiazeste ena ergaleio mono mia fora h gia ligo kairo, einai krima na to agorasete. rwthste an kapoios gnwstos sas to exei kai mporei na sas to daneisei.
an ta paidia sas exoun vare8ei ta paixnidia tous, koitaxte an mporoun na ta antallaxoun me kapoiou allou paidiou, anti na tous pairnete synexeia kainouria. fysika den prepei na einai spasmena.
ma8ete na episkevazete ta pragmata sas anti na ta petate kai na pairnete kainouria. ena swro pragmata mporoun na ftiaxtoun me aplh kolla! rapste to koumpi pou leipei apo to poukamiso sas anti na to afhnete petameno se mia gwnia ths ntoulapas sas. parte ena kalo sprey gia tous lekedes anti na afhnete ena wraio rouxo aforeto epeidh den mphkate akoma ston kopo na ka8arisete th saltsa pou sas epese prin 3 mhnes.
mh dinete se zhtianous. einai protimotero ta 5-6 evrw se psila pou dinete to mhna na ta kanete souma mia fora to xrono kai na ta dwsete se enan organismo ths empistosynhs sas, pou parexei trofh kai stegh tous aporous kai astegous ths perioxhs sas.
dhlwste symmetoxh gia kapoio filan8rwpiko skopo tis giortes, an exete elef8ero xrono. polla swmateia organwnoun bazaar me eidh apo deytero xeri kai spitika glyka. afierwste ligo xrono na xeka8arisete thn ntoulapa sas h ta paixnidia twn paidiwn sas kai ferte ta ekei h pshste kai kana kehk, den 8a sas poume kai gynaikoula.
koitaxte gia rouxa, oxi mono paidika alla kai gia sas, se magazia kai bazaar second hand prin katey8yn8eite sta magazia. den 8a kollhsete lepra. mhn petate ta palia sas rouxa sta skoupidia! osa den kanoun pia sta paidia sas, deste ta se mikrotera anhpsakia, paidia filwn sas h sthn enoria sas, se kapoio filan8rwpiko idryma ktl.
gia ta dika sas rouxa mporeite na organwsete ena vrady me tis files sas, opou h ka8emia fernei kapoia kommatia pou den 8elei, kai na ta antallaxete metaxy sas, opws kaname sto gymnasio!
ena swro pragmata tou spitiou mporoun na antallaxtoun me alla gnwstwn mas, otan p.x paroume ena dwro pou den antiprowswpeyoun to gousto mas h exoume vare8ei na vlepoume ta idia kai ta idia pragmata sto spiti mas opws vaza, pinakes, servitsia ktl.
genikws koitate panta an yparxei periptwsh na vreite kati xrhsimopoihmeno prin agorasete kainourio. den einai mono oikonomikotero, alla kai den 8a epivarynete to perivallon. to kostos enos kainouriou pragmatos den antanaklatai mono sthn timh tou. ka8e proion pou agorazoume exei epivarynei to perivallon, apo thn paragwgh prwtwn ylwn, ta xhmika toun ergostasiou, metaforika ktl.
stamathste na kokoreyeste ston eyato sas gia to gegonos oti dwsate to tade poso gia na parete to tade kainourio pragma. einai dynaton na eiste perhfanoi epeidh odhghte thn oikogeneia sas sto xreos kai ena oikonomika anasfales mellon? arxiste na skefteste pws mporeite na zhsete xodevontas ligotera apo osa vgazete.
love is...
...when someone rushes to the door to push a fleece sweater over your head when you're taking the trash out cuz are you crazy to go in minus three degrees in your t shirt
Saturday, December 26, 2009
my xmas gifts
truth be told, i despise xmas. my best xmas ever was last year, when in fact, i didnt celebrate it (ok and because some mind-blowing sex was involved instead of singing retarded songs in front of a dead tree with kitschy junk hanging from it). so point is, i d rather not "celebrate" it specially as, duh, i m not christian. but due to social norms, a christian family, yiddy yadda, i am supposed to attend and get gifts to go with it. i resent this. i resent xmas markets. i dont know what makes me more dizzy. squeezing my frozen ass through all these people in guilt-free consumer frenzy or the pre-xmas prices.
i had decided to do it differently this year. firstly, cuz my budget aint very generous, secondly, seeing as my (god)mother has been uncluttering the house and garage the last couple months after my nagging her for ages, praising the advantages of a tidy home, how much more space she will have, how much time for cleaning up she will save, how she can freecycle all her extra stuff at the charity thrift store... i thought it would have been quite hypocritical never mention un-christian of me to send them more stuff to sit around and gather dust.
my idea was to send my love along with some chocolates as everybody loves chocolates and well, chocolates never take up any space for too long.... i went out to the supermarket back in november because supposedly, i would send out xmas parcels in time for xmas this year, got several big packs of different small round filled chocolates for, well, everybody, came home, mix and matched them, put them in pretty praline sachets, matching ribbons with inspired knots, stickers, packed them in boxes with frilly paper... and then i realised i d have to pay much more to actually send the parcels... bummer.
so instead, my gifts were: for my swiss in-laws who in a very protestant manner prefer to live way under their means and donate the rest, i chose a voucher for a meal at the "blind cow" restaurant in their city, which is a place run by an organisation for the blind. this was a multiple hit as it is not just a dine out but is quite an experience as you dine in absolute darkness and it's also for a self help organisation. for my family in alaska who also love to give for causes, i made a gift certificate in their name at a microfinancing organisation that gives loans to small business owners in developing countries. and when the borrowers pay back the loan, they can lend it again to someone else!
my flatmate and i agreed to not give any gifts to each other and instead put the savings towards a holiday together. i am eyeing so many destinations this year, from a city trip to barcelone to trecking in guatemala... and long overdue home visits to alaska and greece. the rest of my loved ones get my unconditional love and fiery loyalty which i could never match adequately with any gift that costs money. wait now that i think about it, maybe with the exception of my sugar who wants a sailing boat. ha, ha, ha.
oh and i got about a ton of filled pralines left in the cupboard...
MERRY CHRISTMAS
i had decided to do it differently this year. firstly, cuz my budget aint very generous, secondly, seeing as my (god)mother has been uncluttering the house and garage the last couple months after my nagging her for ages, praising the advantages of a tidy home, how much more space she will have, how much time for cleaning up she will save, how she can freecycle all her extra stuff at the charity thrift store... i thought it would have been quite hypocritical never mention un-christian of me to send them more stuff to sit around and gather dust.
my idea was to send my love along with some chocolates as everybody loves chocolates and well, chocolates never take up any space for too long.... i went out to the supermarket back in november because supposedly, i would send out xmas parcels in time for xmas this year, got several big packs of different small round filled chocolates for, well, everybody, came home, mix and matched them, put them in pretty praline sachets, matching ribbons with inspired knots, stickers, packed them in boxes with frilly paper... and then i realised i d have to pay much more to actually send the parcels... bummer.
so instead, my gifts were: for my swiss in-laws who in a very protestant manner prefer to live way under their means and donate the rest, i chose a voucher for a meal at the "blind cow" restaurant in their city, which is a place run by an organisation for the blind. this was a multiple hit as it is not just a dine out but is quite an experience as you dine in absolute darkness and it's also for a self help organisation. for my family in alaska who also love to give for causes, i made a gift certificate in their name at a microfinancing organisation that gives loans to small business owners in developing countries. and when the borrowers pay back the loan, they can lend it again to someone else!
my flatmate and i agreed to not give any gifts to each other and instead put the savings towards a holiday together. i am eyeing so many destinations this year, from a city trip to barcelone to trecking in guatemala... and long overdue home visits to alaska and greece. the rest of my loved ones get my unconditional love and fiery loyalty which i could never match adequately with any gift that costs money. wait now that i think about it, maybe with the exception of my sugar who wants a sailing boat. ha, ha, ha.
oh and i got about a ton of filled pralines left in the cupboard...
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Monday, December 21, 2009
i stopped working from a job i really loved a couple years back, and decided to live on savings and go after getting a degree which i also very much want. but lately i realised that if i go on living as i did while i was earning, i will have to take work again soon. not work that i love though. i hated that thought.
i got really sick of having no time when in fact, i have all the time in the world. not doing much the whole day, throwing together some quick dinner with whatever was there instead of preparing it ahead. i got sick of facebook. i deactivated the account there. i dont think anybody missed me anyway. suddenly i had sooo much more time. i stopped being in front of the desktop most of my day. i am concentrated now when i m studying as i'm not constantly interrupting myself to check the latest email that beeped its way in my inbox. also, i have my whole day to my hands and legs to go for walks, swims, watch movies, or take care of a big flat neglected for about two years. also, weird as it might sound, i have time to make tea in the mornings and the afternoons every day :)
back in august i told my flatmate that i am sick of all the paper mountains that added up for recycling, because he had the very bad habit of bringing the paper back home in the evenings. i forbid him to bring back the newspapers! the trains have a special bin for papers so he could dispose of them there if he forgot to do so at work. so, we have much less paper to recycle now. much, much less paper. you can see the other half floor of his office room.
i cancelled the cable tv subscription. well, that sort of took care of itself because the cable company decided to update the machines so that the old ones wouldnt work anymore. so i thought, fine. no cable. it's a blessing because tv really is crap. then i cancelled the landline telephone. with mobile phones, we hardly use it and mostly when it rings it's to sell insurance or whatever. i started barking at all those annoying callers, especially as they call often after 7 in the evening and even on saturdays and now i think the calls have diminished. but i cancelled the landline anyway, as it really was wasted money. i also cancelled my contract mobile phone, keeping the one which i can load up with credit whenever i want to. i minimised phone calls and write more texts and talk to people online.
i cancelled a couple magazine subscriptions that i hardly read and were crap and just ads that make you feel fat and ugly from first to last page. i kept one subscription of a magazine with well researched articles on women's issues, without fashion, dieting and all that bull.
just a few weeks ago, i decided to stop the online grocery deliveries, and get groceries on my way home from the stores next to the pool where i swim. also, i set aside a certain amount for groceries each month and now i check and compare prices before i put something in the basket. i keep the receipts, too. i have cut down dramatically on meat and anything processed or "specialties" that are simply expensive. i look for the day's "deals" and opt for those. i'm saving at least one third up to a half of what i spent before for food. i'm making my flatmate take lunch from home at least twice a week -oh and i sneak fruit into his backpack for snacks.
i ve been nagging him to get a third person in the household as the rent has gone up 15% since we moved here a little over two years ago, due to the increase in heating costs. i could move my workroom into my bedroom and free up that room for sublet but he is too afraid to have a stranger which i understand, but still when i think that "stranger" could take over one fourth of the rent i dont mind that much. besides it could turn out pretty cool.
housewise, i am more or less done with the big decluttering project i took on in august. i lightened my closet to about one third of its initial contents by giving away stuff or bringing it to charity. right now i dont need the second closet. i put away i ve put away the extra towels and bedstuff and the extras of the extras and now i can see what's in those cupboards... why on earth did i have that many towels or bedsheets in the first place escapes me as does why i have so many tablecloths, or curtains, or bath mats... and so on. they are all stacked away in the basement now together with a couple bags of summer clothes and i am undecided between giving it away or keeping them for replacement when my current things are worn off.
the prices of clothes and most everything, really, in switzerland are irritating me, especially after living a year abroad and seeing how much cheaper things are there. so i ve decided to only do shopping when i m abroad on a trip! speaking of trips i also decided to only take trips from now on that i am going to make the most of and enjoy fully. i was planning a trip to barcelona in february which i m sure would be a lovely city trip with museums and such but i realised what i really want is a beach and sun vacation so now looking for alternatives for the same budget...
xmas. i hate it. i hate the whole finding and buying gifts just because i have to. i have reduced gifts to the absolute minimum over the years, that means, only immediate family.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
i'm getting a new niece!
when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
Thursday, November 19, 2009
memory foam
school is out for the week and my sugar is arriving monday night. that means i ve got five days to make the flat at least appear clean and tidy, fill the fridge, plan for her fav foods that she has pre ordered and change the sheets. oh, and brush the cats so they look all shiny for aunty. i already told my big daughter tonight that "guess what, guess what, aunty who loves you is coming" and she was like "yeah, right, hope she brings some snacks..."
i read somewhere tonight that "our fears are like children growing up without parents" any insight?
goodnight, or goodmorning... (click for song)
i read somewhere tonight that "our fears are like children growing up without parents" any insight?
goodnight, or goodmorning... (click for song)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
do you know that when we're in love our brain kinda photoshop -beautifies the object of our desire so that we perceive them as flawless?
well this happens to me not only with whatever person i m in love with. it also happens with my friends. for example if you ask me i ll tell you that she is probably the most beautiful woman in the world.
well this happens to me not only with whatever person i m in love with. it also happens with my friends. for example if you ask me i ll tell you that she is probably the most beautiful woman in the world.
sometimes life can turn so weird
and things you never expected happen. things you never gave up on because you didnt consider them to start with.
i met her in high school. we hit it off immediately, within a couple minutes, barely having exchanged a few sentences. i had just tranfered to that school a little late in the year leaving behind a couple of same minded friends i'd made in 10th grade and my new class didnt seem very promising people-wise. it was a relief to talk to someone who wasn't mainly preoccupied with maintaining a popular image and whose mind wasn't cluttered with the usual teenager crap. i was instantly in love. of course i didn't know it back then!
anyhow
sometimes life can turn so weird....
yep my very dear best friend is coming to visit in less than two weeks. she's bringing my god-daughter with her. her name is monster and we are anxious to see how she will get along with my own four furry children.
i cannot wait....
we're already debating whether we'll get kubrik or kurosawa
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ich verfechte die anarchie
Stopp mich nicht. Ich träume.
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
walking on sunshine
walking on sunshine...!!!
is how i feel these days. never mind the cold and rain. never mind november. i happily skipped the bus from the station hopping and kicking my way home to that tune.
yes, these days i come home and turn on the music and start dancing, i'm dancing and chopping vegetables, i'm dancing and washing salad, i'm dancing and bringing out the food, heck i would be dancing while eating if i could, although can't promise i wont be tapping my feet under the table.
my cats look at me with that "it's that time of year" look, yes, she's all jumps and dances and can't sit still for a moment!!!
well, truth be told i can't quite jump yet, only a teensy bit tonight but surely in a couple weeks i WILL jump again
what can say, i'm happy, i'm in love, things are going so well, with her and with everything and on top of that, I WILL be pregnant!
i can only say that my lovely friend noneed was absolutely right when she advised me on my birthday that it only goes up from here!!! [/FONT]
is how i feel these days. never mind the cold and rain. never mind november. i happily skipped the bus from the station hopping and kicking my way home to that tune.
yes, these days i come home and turn on the music and start dancing, i'm dancing and chopping vegetables, i'm dancing and washing salad, i'm dancing and bringing out the food, heck i would be dancing while eating if i could, although can't promise i wont be tapping my feet under the table.
my cats look at me with that "it's that time of year" look, yes, she's all jumps and dances and can't sit still for a moment!!!
well, truth be told i can't quite jump yet, only a teensy bit tonight but surely in a couple weeks i WILL jump again
what can say, i'm happy, i'm in love, things are going so well, with her and with everything and on top of that, I WILL be pregnant!
i can only say that my lovely friend noneed was absolutely right when she advised me on my birthday that it only goes up from here!!! [/FONT]
Monday, November 09, 2009
my fav book mine mine mine
is the little prince. it might as well be the or one of the most popular books as a favourite book.
noneed might say that this is not a book about undying friendship. i disagree. because the love you take from a true friendship, even if you part eventually, stays with you, in you, as part of you even.
as far as i'm concerned, people who "didn't get" the little prince or discarded it as a "sweet story" never fully made it to a person that touched me in a positive way or whose whatever touch i am happy to carry around with me...
on a happy happy note my foot injury has almost healed ( I wonder if i really had to go to the doctor today, my teas and own body seemed to do it over the weekend) and i am dancing, dancing, dancing to celebrate god i missed using my foot so bad i know i shouldnt really dance but i can't help it i'm so happy!!! hey i'm not jumping on it yet or anything, ok? -I love jumping when dancing. i'm so happy i haven't been that beautiful in three weeks
i'm also very happy that after a miserable week with me being grumpy to no end for pain and immobility combined with my menstrual obnoxiousness syndrom my flatmate didn't kick me out of the house emptying the contents of my closet and shelves out the window in some theatrical show of bursting patience, neither has my gf decided this relationship is too young to put up with this so i am very lucky. hey at least now she knows :p i
noneed might say that this is not a book about undying friendship. i disagree. because the love you take from a true friendship, even if you part eventually, stays with you, in you, as part of you even.
as far as i'm concerned, people who "didn't get" the little prince or discarded it as a "sweet story" never fully made it to a person that touched me in a positive way or whose whatever touch i am happy to carry around with me...
on a happy happy note my foot injury has almost healed ( I wonder if i really had to go to the doctor today, my teas and own body seemed to do it over the weekend) and i am dancing, dancing, dancing to celebrate god i missed using my foot so bad i know i shouldnt really dance but i can't help it i'm so happy!!! hey i'm not jumping on it yet or anything, ok? -I love jumping when dancing. i'm so happy i haven't been that beautiful in three weeks
i'm also very happy that after a miserable week with me being grumpy to no end for pain and immobility combined with my menstrual obnoxiousness syndrom my flatmate didn't kick me out of the house emptying the contents of my closet and shelves out the window in some theatrical show of bursting patience, neither has my gf decided this relationship is too young to put up with this so i am very lucky. hey at least now she knows :p i
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
sth wrong?
you wake up feeling fine but after a while you develop a illfitting, irritating feeling, you're trying to think clearly but there's sth blurring your concentration?
try cleaning your glasses
try cleaning your glasses
Monday, October 19, 2009
SUCCESS AND MOTHERHOOD DON'T GO TOGETHER? you can lick my toes!
studies/career and motherhood don't go together? you can lick my toes!
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
really!
just because you were brainwashed that you cannot do both
or maybe you even came to the conclusion after much thought
that you couldnt
and so you didnt
and/or you're jealous that someone would dare something that you were too chicken shit /not confident enough to even think of trying
or maybe you tried and didnt do too well, or kinda failed, or failed miserably
and/or because your own time to do anything about it has irrevocably passed
YOU CANNOT TELL ME:
with the certainty of a person who has done neither that "you can't do both"
maybe because you're not proud of your own child that "women are not made to be baby machines" (??) (ever tried seeing yourself as a mother instead?)
that "you have to pick one" (is that in the ten commandments somewhere?)
that "you can't have everything" (why on earth not??)
firstly, it's plain rude to offer crippling "advice" instead of a simple good luck, if you really can't come up with anything warmer, seeing as i didn't ask for the advice, you asked what's new
secondly, i think you're underestimating my intelligence, planning, ability (so you don't reckon i ever thought that it's probably like working 200% before i took my decision?)
thirdly, you're really making it about you
i'm not saying i am, or ever will be perfect
i'm not saying, i will get everything perfect
but i'm saying i'm going to try to get everything right
and that's why i'll get more than you ever settled for
now you can sit back and shut your mouth if you have nothing good to say
do feel free to watch me and turn red, green, blue and all the other colours of the rainbbow for all i care.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
isn0t it all just amazing?
doesn't your soul overflow with happiness some times?
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
mine does. i am so happy today. this happiness is flowing over from my insides through every pore of me and manifests itself in a big grin. it's a constant flow rather than a short burst, and it fills me with thankfulness, optimism and a determination not to let it go to waste.
the facts:
i am healthy, able and whatever i need to live and flourish is either available to me or i have the opportunities to acquire it.
there are people who love me and find i am wonderful and likewise i find them most important.
soon there will be a little seed growing inside me that will take my experience of what love is all about to a whole new level.
what else can you possibly ask for? except cherish the moment when it is there, because you should never, ever take it for granted. it's not so much that something terrible could happen to you like an illness or a loss, it is that missing out on all this wonderfulness day by day and feel it expand inside you is what's terrible.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
an evening trip
i took the train today to go see an exhibition of paintings of an old friend, that her sister organised it in her memory.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
a little boy of about five or six years old with dark blue eyes, really fat cheeks and the cutest red lips came in with his mother, and i signed to her that there's space next to me. she sat next to me and he opposite me next to some indian business man who according to his body language thought very high of himself (really... next time go to first class if you dont want to mingle with people "lower" than you).
ok, back to the cutie boy, our first encounter was that he spilled his hot chocolate on my new jeans luckily it had a tight lid that held so only a few drops spilled and not the whole cup - much to both our relief. it impressed me very much how honestly he apologised. and seeing as his mother looked like a drug addict it probably wasn't his fault at all that his fine motoric skills weren't quite up to his age - he dropped it a couple more times, then dropped his brezel, then dropped the cup again as he wanted to throw it away into the bin.
about halfway to my destination, this train stops at the town where my friend used to live. so many memories came back, running to catch my last train home, standing on the train doorstep to hold it open long enough for a last good night hug and - just friendly - kiss... and then a very, very last good night. tears started running down my face. i wasnt exactly crying - the sobs from her loss stopped maybe a year ago. i thought i was hiding my tears pretty well, looking out the window and all. but the little guy noticed.
he asked, why are you crying? oops! i got caught! i discussed with myself for a second, what should i answer him, lie that i m not crying? tell him what? if you know children, you know they never stop at the first question specially when they've found somebody who answers truthfully, so i took a deep breath and said, i miss my friend who died.
immediately i saw his puzzled face, and he hesitated, seeing that i was upset. but i gave him a reassuring smile and he asked the next question what did she die from?
................
that was harder and i could see it coming, but never was prepared to give an age appropriate answer...
killed herself? but he's so young...
didnt want to live anymore? definitely too young and i can't say that to somebody else's child (i would say that to my child though)
i just answered, what i ve thought all along.
i told him she died from loneliness.
he stretched over both his arms and reached over for my hand, held it tight and he looked into my eyes and he said, really concerned, "i m sorry you're crying"
and that was the most sincere condolences i've received - in fact the only ones in that case, since nobody had an idea how much she meant or how big a gap she left.
i was glad i had to get off, allowing the cold night to dry my eyes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
baby, baby, baby mine mine baby small baby mine!
yes!
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
i want one, i want in my belly i want it right in there to carry it around with me and go swimming with it and feel it grow and make my belly reallly big and round and swollen!!!
yes and then i wanna push it out with all i got when it's run out of space and then i want to hold it tight and protect it and nourish it and keep it warm forever
yeah well, maybe not forever...
can it be healthy please and smart and beautiful, i couldnt stand an ugly baby, but if it's between healthy or beautiful i ll take ugly any day, or between beautiful or smart then i ll take smart over beautiful, and besides my baby cant be anything but pretty, since i m so cute AND smart myself. the father is not exactly a swiss model but yeah he's allright to look at i guess, and he IS bright...
ok god, can you put that baby in my belly this month? please?? we're two people, all in all three families wanting and waiting for this baby so i promise, it won't be a waste of seed plus with four different religions/ denominations between the families you'll get to bless this baby four times, so think about it, quadriple membership, it's a good deal
Monday, October 12, 2009
today
"what passed
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
didn't stay
what comes
didn't happen"
what is left?
today
now
this moment.
so,
stop living
from the past
or
for the future
Friday, October 09, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
9
Thursday, October 08, 2009
dessert for dinner
i wanted something sweet tonight so i got two apples that had started to lose firmness, peeled, chopped them, threw them into the non stick pan with a spoonful honey at high heat until they started to soften, turned off the heat, added couple withering bananas, sliced, mixing everything with some cinnamon, clove and ginger powder until bananas began to melt.
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
i served it with a ball of vanilla ice cream and made sure to taste every spoonful of it, cold and hot melting together on my tongue.
if i had had some plain no fat greek yogurt i would have preferred the healthier aleternative to ice cream but as it is, i am one happy lesbian right now
also great topped with crushed walnuts
my sister and I
so.... sunday morning and after a sleepless night due to major excitement i was out the house to go pick up my sis.... she hadnt slept either having to leave home in the middle of the night to fly at dawn so we arrived at my place with energy levels of zombies and passed out until about midday. then we woke up and since then we've been talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming and then talking and laughing and dancing and drinking and screaming!!!
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
i m having a beautiful first week off school, for starters my sister darling brought my fav greek sweet which is like a custard made from milk and semolina in between phιllo dough and bathed in sirup so i ve been kept very happy having it for three days in a row for breakfast, after lunch, dinner and bedtime snack. we've been cooking yummy stuff i m usually not bothered to make for myself - tonight we had beef patties stuffed with feta and roast potatoes. we drink before during and after every meal using the crystal glasses and the nicest plates and matching napkins it's just all beautiful and fest-like.
the first and second day we spent a few hours sorting out my closets. two things came out of it: firstly we created something my closet hasn't experienced before called: space and secondly my sister on a student budget and avid freebie junkie just got a full free makeover (except for shoes). i had to dig out an old suitcase so she can take all her new stuff back and i couldnt be happier than they will be happily worn again.
highlight:
sis picks out a black and white striped bra: oh that bra is so cute!
me: hey, this is my fav bra too. i hadnt seen it in two years under all the others. take it.
sis: oh no, i cant take your favourite bra. (she hands it back to me)
me: i look at it again thinking that it is indeed a cutie.
sis: but then, now that you're getting pregnant, it won't fit you anyway for another two years...
me: i pull the bra by the straps and flip it back to her like a sling.
on the second day we went to the pool. i won at backstroke. now listen, my sister can swim while i can only move very awkwardly in water. now obviously she couldnt be bothered to make any effort to compete with me but i still won over my sister, for the first time, in anything. after my triumph we had a full round of all the spa and sauna facilities mmm heavenly.
yesterday we went downtown, walked around zurich, along the river, by the lake, in and out of kitschy souvenir shops, commenting on anything and anyone in greek while at the same time having yet another random sociological conversation... we hopped into a tram and i kept walking to the back although they were seats in the front, sitting opposite a rather uptight lady.
sis jokingly stared at me with a look "it is allright, we are all a little deranged in out family" but then got stuck looking into my eyes, noticing for the first time they can look green. i looked back at her with the "we're all a little deranged in our family" look and hugged her and kissed her catching uptight lady in the corner of my eye getting a little uncomfortable. a greek song came to mind which i spontaneously started singing to her -sth about forgetting an old lover's eye colour and the sound of their voice... now i might have a lousy voice but i love her surprise when i randomly burst into a song.
the uptight lady got a little scared and decided to get up and go stand by the door maybe she feared i would magically produce a hat to pass around reminding me that "because rock, whatever you are, if you don't have it, be afraid of it".
Saturday, October 03, 2009
good vibes
aaaall over!!
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
don't know why (ok, maybe i have an idea) but i'm feeling gooooooood, people!!!!
ooooh, i'm spreading the good vibes, making some good times!!
oh and if you need one more little push to feel happy today, watch the song i put up today on my profile!
(watch the song...? yes, in the ear of youtube, we WATCH songs...lol)
i picked up her cd randomly yesterday downtown - because it was only for 11.50 francs. turns out the cover isn't always deceiving about the content And btw i LOVE that name Yael.
and i'll be out the house in 12 hours to go pick my sister darling
CHEER UP PEOPLE LIFE IS GOOD
life is good today and because you never know what it'll be like tomorrow you better get up and dance
i mean, think about it... WHAT IF... this were to be...
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
??
can you risk it?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
interactive installation based on online dating
"...in online dating profiles what people do is talk about themselves, in maybe 200 words and they say the most important things about themselves and so it is a very fertile ground for building a mosaic of humanity"
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, always a day of opportunity to turn your week better.
today was a nice day. it didnt start in an ideal way but then some things happened that cheered me up. my sister and a friend. a friend who's been, in a way, patient with me for a long time.
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
besides... it is autumn. soon the rains will start. and it will be time to light the fireplace. routine will finally set in so i will be productive and feel fulfilled.
aaaand... taram taraaaam
my sister is coming to visit IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!
OPEN THAT CHAMPAGNE!!*
throw a sisters only party!!
mix some cocktails!!!*
the programme also includes a "sorting out the closet" afternoon, a day of shopping to substitute the new space in said closet, city tour avec lunch and a couple day trips
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Ich verfechte die anarchie
Stopp mich nicht. Ich träume.
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Wir lebten gebückt Jahrhunderte von Ungerechtigkeit. Jahrhunderte von Einsamkeit.
Jetzt nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Jetzt und hier für immer und überall.
Ich träume von Freiheit.
Lass uns durch jedermanns wunderschöne Eigenart die Harmonie des Universums wiederherstellen.
Spielen wir! Wissen ist Freude.
Es ist keine Rekrutierung der Schulen.
Ich träume, weil ich liebe. Grosse Träume auf dem Himmel. Arbeiter mit eigenen Fabriken tragen zur internationalen Schokoladenproduktion bei.
Ich träume, weil ich WEISS und ich KANN.
Die Banken gebären die "Räuber".
Die Gefägnisse die "Terroristen".
Die Einsamkeit die "Unangepassten".
Das Produkt das "Bedürfnis".
Grenzen die Armeen.
Alles das Eigentum.
Gewalt gebärt Gewalt.
Frag nicht. Stopp mich nicht.
Wir haben jetzt des Moralrechtes Ultimative Handlung zu wiederherstellen.
Ein Gedicht aus dem Leben machen. Und das Leben Realität.
Dies ist ein Traum, den ich kann kann kann ICH LIEBE DICH und du stoppst mich nicht ich träume nicht. Ich lebe.
Ich strecke die Hände der Liebe, dem Zusammenhalt, der Freiheit.
So viele Male wie nötig von vorn an.
Ich verfechte die Anarchie.
von Katerina Gogou
Übersetzung vasvoe
Thursday, September 24, 2009
i'm getting a new niece!
when i am confused with life it always help to have a nice chat wth my (god)mother. she gave me today this rule of thumb:
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
if you're 80% happy 80% of the time, it's the *right* person. there IS no perfect person (ok, i knew that last bit at least)
but then dad added, relationships aren't 50/50 they're 100/100.
if you have insight as to what that means, please offer your lights because i didnt get that and dad is not one to explain art.
see i m eager to take advice from people who ve been together 20 years.
oh, i also found this on somebody's facebook today.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Hellen Keller
i practice that, too, so i'm proud of myself :p
the main piece of news though is that I M GETTING A NEW NIECE!!!!! she's going to be an aquarius girl and her mom and her three handsome brothers are expecting her the first days of february
and my godmother might come visit, don't know when exactly, and if it's going to be this winter or in spring but i hope she will take that plane before she goes mad, because she needs the vacation desperately. else i ll just *have* to bring a vacation to her by spend summer in there myself lol
Thursday, September 10, 2009
late night blogging
mamà,
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
it is time for you to take a stance.
you could overcome yourself and decide to stand by my side, even if it is only because i am your daughter. i will take that reason to be partial any time. you could accept i am lesbian, and that i fall in love with women, and sleep with them. naked. i mean, you saw that yourself when you busted into my room with my first girlfriend. as you saw other things too when i was younger but chose to see nothing.
you can accept that i am not exactly your average mainstream thinking and acting person and while we're at it, neither is your younger daughter. this might sound far fetched but maybe you could even derive some joy from the fact that although you've brainwashed her against me for ten years she is a most supportive, understanding and loving sister. and so are my two brothers. and your oldest son, mamà, he is gay too, as is your own sister, but you'll never know that or see clearly that your sister's "best friend" has been her lover for as long as i can remember and that's why they spend winters in athens in her house and summers by the sea in aunt's house.
we are a very gay family.
you could pull your head out from your arse and you could make a difference for yourself by looking around you instead of being blinded by your own shit.
i will not lie and say i understand how difficult it is for you to take me as i am. because i do not see anything particularly wrong with myself.
i think the difficulty lies in your own inability to love who i am unless i am the way you want me to be. which is fine with other people but since i am your daughter, i had expected your love to be a tad more unconditional.
when you call and complain i never call to tell you of my life, what you mean is that i do not call to tell you what you want to hear. when you ask and i tell you what i am up to, you only want to point out what i am doing wrong and how i could live my life better.
you must have no idea, that i am the critical virgo and you are the open minded aquarius?
you must have no idea, that i am happy. you have no idea, that i love myself, and i love my life, i love my friends, my home, my cats, and i love women. that i am thankful for most everything i have and have accomplished, without your help, that i am a cheerful person, determined, sensitive and able. or do you see that, and cannot believe it? or maybe you believe i do not deserve it? what is it that makes you so twisted and mean and stupid?
no, mamà, gay people cannot just "sign a paper" to secure their rights. a "paper" won't give us the rights that married people get.
mamà, it is time for you to take a stance. do you want to keep me or can you afford to lose me? this is the chance i am offering you, for the sake of you being my biological mother;
you can become or even pretend to be supportive and accepting. you can be angry that i am denied rights, and spread the word. you can take my side, even now, even if you never took my side when i was little.
you can be proud of me and start forwarding the wedding and baptism invitations instead of holding them back for fear I could appear there with my girlfriend and embarass you. stop shutting me out of my beloved cousins' lives! it is unfair, that you can withhold information from me because i live in another country and it is unacceptable that I only learn i have a new nephew when he is three, and that my uncle died a year ago! how dare you!
mamà. i repeat this is your chance and it is the last one. i do not mind losing you, because i do not feel i owe it to you to put up with your homophobic, ignorant, narrow-minded bullshit.
i do not need you, and this is something you could be proud of instead of interpreting it as my conscious choice to follow the wrong way...
Monday, September 07, 2009
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
I have a problem, or ode to fucking
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
i apologise beforehand if anybody feels offended by the frequent and bold use of a certain f-word used to describe the act of sexual intercourse- if you're going to be offended or are underage please do not read further - thanks. --
so, i was saying,
i have a problem with how often the word or concept of "cuddle" seems to come up with/from some lesbians
if i'm with you it means
1. i'm in love with you
or at least
2. i'm seriously attracted to you and on my way to falling for you
and so if 1. or 2. is present, that means i wanna FUCK you!!!!
i want to FUCK you a lot!
I want to FUCK you all the FUCKING time!!!
whenever i see you!
and when i don't see you, i still wanna FUCK you!
i would rather be FUCKing you than doing anything else!
at least for a few years into the relationship, there must be a lot of fucking going on, and then later there still has to be enough fucking to go on.
so if i ever put up an ad to look for a girlfriend can i say
"she must FUCK a lot"?
no, wait
"she must like FUCKING a lot with ME"
which is kinda vague cuz i really don't care if she fucks other people too, as long as she still fucks me.
if i'm too ugly, too hairy, too girly, too fat, too short, too smelly, too whatever... or you're a little short on energy and urges... then, you know, let's be friends. or let me fuck other people, too.
if you don't like my fucking style, tell me how to fuck you differently!
i never quite got the point of having a gf who won't fuck (me).
i can't have a gf who wants to "cuddle exclusively" and be expected to stay with her.
but if you insist, let's cuddle our genitals to the point of orgasm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what IS with the cuddling? i don't get it. is it a lesbian thing? is it a woman thing? is it an age thing, a hormonal thing? is it a personal thing? what is it??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ps. a few years back i dated someone who was drunk as fuck and then someone who was dumb as fuck. but these weren't the right combination of "fuck".
pps. spare me the "you think like a man" comments *eyeroll*
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
poetry is art
this morning before i woke up... had a very peaceful dream. I had met this sweet girl, who was an artist. and she had made a very beautiful installation. and i was almost hypnotised by her creation, this piece of art. it was an interactive light/video installation showing sunset colours but it was kinda three dimensional and you could squint your eyes and see little lights shining expand over the colours. i think the dream might have been spurred by an experience i had yesterday evening, reading a very powerful poem. and because i was totally not prepared for it, it took me by surprise and went through to my core. i randomly opened my new coursebook and i had to stop myself from crying from the first stanza, amidst a bunch of teenagers also waiting for the train next to me. hadnt had that feeling of art overcoming me in a while, and it was simply life awakening.
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
the poem was refugee blues by w h ayden
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
υπάρχει ζωή μετά το σεξ;
άσχετος ο τίτλος.
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
άλλο θέλω να θίξω. διάβαζα χτες προχτές στο δέκα τοις εκατό για τους ψυχοθεραπευτές, και πως ακόμα κάποιοι έχουν μεσαίωνα σε κουήρ θέματα και να προσέχουμε εμείς οι λοατ να πηγαίνουμε σε θεραπευτές που έχουν πιο κουήρ συνείδηση τέλοσπάντων και όχι σε αυτούς που θα μας πουν εθυέως ή εμμέσως με τη συνειδητή ή ακούσια στάση τους ότι καλύτερα αν ήμασταν στρέητ κτλ
αυτή η άποψη για μένα είναι καθαρά ακτιβιστική και όχι άποψη ενός θεραπευτή. δλδ όχι φυσικά δεν θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να μου πει ότι είμαι ανώμαλη. αλλά ούτε θέλω ένα ψυχοθεραπευτή να με ενθαρρύνει να βγω από την ντουλάπα όταν έξω με περιμένουν αυγά ντομάτες και πολλά χειρότερα. και το περιοδικό λέει και συμφωνώ κι γώ πως σε μερικές περιπτώσεις π.χ. αν είναι να μας κόψουν οι γονείς τα λεφτά για σπουδές καλύτερα να το βουλώσουμε μέχρι να μπορούμε να σταθούμε στα πόδια μας μόνοι μας.
αλλά βασικά αυτό που θέλω να πω είναι μην κάνουμε την ψυχοθεραπεία μορφή ακτιβισμού, γιατί η ψυχοθεραπεία πρέπει να είναι για το όφελος του πελάτη της κι όχι για τα συμφέροντα του ακτιβισμού.
(κι εγώ ακτιβίστρια είμαι παιδιά, επίσης έχω και το ψώνιο να γίνω ψυχοθεραπεύτρια, άλλο τό να άλλο τ άλλο)
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
ξανά μαζί
αυτή τη στιγμή είμαι σπίτι μου στην ελβετία. με τα γατιά, ακούγωντας εληνικό ραδιόφωνο απ το ίντερνετ. σε δέκα μέρες γυρνάω κάρντιφ να μαζέψω τα συμπράγκαλα και να δώσω το σπίτι. από σεπτέμβρη λονδινάκι με το καλό. επαρχία το κάρντιφ και δεν τσουλάει.
μέχρι τότε νιώθω σα να είμαι στη χώρα του πουθενά.
τί έχει συμβεί με μένα τόσο καιρό. καταρχήν πήγα κάρντιφ (στην ουαλλία είναι αυτό, πες αγγλία για να καταλάβεις ω, αγεωγράφητε) για σπουδές πέρισι τον αύγουστο. μετά τα χριστούγενα πήγα δυο βδομάδες νότια αφρική διακοπούλες. ζέβρες, λιοντάρια, ελεφαντάκια κι άλλα ζωάκια. άπλα. ήλιος. παραλίες. απέραντες. μπλε. με άσπρη άμμο. όχι ακριβώς το ελληνικό μπλε κι άσπρο. διαφορετικό. τεσπα να μη τα πολυλογώ. τη γνώρισα. έγινε το κοννέ. τί κοννέ δλδ της παναγιάς της μεγαλομουνιώτισσας έγινε. κατάλαβα τί πάει να πει σεξ. τί πάει να πει να έχεις κι άλλο και να μη μπορείς γιατί έχεις τελειώσει καμιά πενηνταριά φορές μέσα σε μισή ώρα. έγινα πολυοργασμικιά μπορείς να πεις.
περιμένω να πάω σε ένα μήνα να κάνω σεξ και να μαυρίσω. τέταρτη σχέση μέχρι τώρα, όλα καλά πάνε, αλλά δεν λέω τίποτα αυτή τη φορά. μακάρι να είναι αυτή που θα κρατήσει. μετά οπό τα τέσσερα ζωντόβολα και τις ανισόρροπες που πήγα κι έπεφτα μέχρι τώρα, φυσικά και αυτή μου έχει κάνει καλή εντύπωση ίσως όχι τόσο γιατί είναι σούπερ αλλά απλά γιατί είναι νορμάλ!! έμαθα κι εγώ κάποια πράγματα στο μεταξύ, να κάνω πέρα από νωρίς όταν το πράγμα δεν τσουλάει. τώρα θα δούμε. θα πάω αν κάτσω όλο το καλοκαίρι, τρεις μήνες δλδ, εκεί θά ναι χειμώνας, αλλά τεσπα, χειμώνας στην αφρική υπάρχει; δεν υπάρχει, 20 βαθμούς θά χει την ημέρα. να δούμε υποτίθεται πώς θα τα πάμε αν δεν είναι περίοδος διακοπών, γι αυτή βέβαια δεν θα είναι διακοπές, θα δουλεύει, αλλά για μένα διακοπές θα είναι, σπίτι της θα κάθομαι, να αγναντεύω τα σύννεφα. άντε να πάω να δω τα ελεφαντάκια και τα λιονταράκια. για μπάνια δεν ξέρω, επειδή θά ναι χειμώνας, αν θα είναι αρκετά ζεστά. ινδικός μεν, ωκεανός δε, πόσο ζεστός να είναι πια. θα δούμε κιόλας, δεν έχω αποφασίσει ακόμα 100% να το συνεχίσω.
μιλάω τελευταία με την αδερφή μου. χαίρομαι. με τους αδερφούς μου έχω χαθεί. στεναχωριέμαι. είμαι πολύ μόνη. δεν είαι και πολύ κινωνική. όχι ότι δεν θέλω, αλλά οι περισσότεροι μου τη δίνουν. οπότε αποφεύγω.
μέχρι τότε νιώθω σα να είμαι στη χώρα του πουθενά.
τί έχει συμβεί με μένα τόσο καιρό. καταρχήν πήγα κάρντιφ (στην ουαλλία είναι αυτό, πες αγγλία για να καταλάβεις ω, αγεωγράφητε) για σπουδές πέρισι τον αύγουστο. μετά τα χριστούγενα πήγα δυο βδομάδες νότια αφρική διακοπούλες. ζέβρες, λιοντάρια, ελεφαντάκια κι άλλα ζωάκια. άπλα. ήλιος. παραλίες. απέραντες. μπλε. με άσπρη άμμο. όχι ακριβώς το ελληνικό μπλε κι άσπρο. διαφορετικό. τεσπα να μη τα πολυλογώ. τη γνώρισα. έγινε το κοννέ. τί κοννέ δλδ της παναγιάς της μεγαλομουνιώτισσας έγινε. κατάλαβα τί πάει να πει σεξ. τί πάει να πει να έχεις κι άλλο και να μη μπορείς γιατί έχεις τελειώσει καμιά πενηνταριά φορές μέσα σε μισή ώρα. έγινα πολυοργασμικιά μπορείς να πεις.
περιμένω να πάω σε ένα μήνα να κάνω σεξ και να μαυρίσω. τέταρτη σχέση μέχρι τώρα, όλα καλά πάνε, αλλά δεν λέω τίποτα αυτή τη φορά. μακάρι να είναι αυτή που θα κρατήσει. μετά οπό τα τέσσερα ζωντόβολα και τις ανισόρροπες που πήγα κι έπεφτα μέχρι τώρα, φυσικά και αυτή μου έχει κάνει καλή εντύπωση ίσως όχι τόσο γιατί είναι σούπερ αλλά απλά γιατί είναι νορμάλ!! έμαθα κι εγώ κάποια πράγματα στο μεταξύ, να κάνω πέρα από νωρίς όταν το πράγμα δεν τσουλάει. τώρα θα δούμε. θα πάω αν κάτσω όλο το καλοκαίρι, τρεις μήνες δλδ, εκεί θά ναι χειμώνας, αλλά τεσπα, χειμώνας στην αφρική υπάρχει; δεν υπάρχει, 20 βαθμούς θά χει την ημέρα. να δούμε υποτίθεται πώς θα τα πάμε αν δεν είναι περίοδος διακοπών, γι αυτή βέβαια δεν θα είναι διακοπές, θα δουλεύει, αλλά για μένα διακοπές θα είναι, σπίτι της θα κάθομαι, να αγναντεύω τα σύννεφα. άντε να πάω να δω τα ελεφαντάκια και τα λιονταράκια. για μπάνια δεν ξέρω, επειδή θά ναι χειμώνας, αν θα είναι αρκετά ζεστά. ινδικός μεν, ωκεανός δε, πόσο ζεστός να είναι πια. θα δούμε κιόλας, δεν έχω αποφασίσει ακόμα 100% να το συνεχίσω.
μιλάω τελευταία με την αδερφή μου. χαίρομαι. με τους αδερφούς μου έχω χαθεί. στεναχωριέμαι. είμαι πολύ μόνη. δεν είαι και πολύ κινωνική. όχι ότι δεν θέλω, αλλά οι περισσότεροι μου τη δίνουν. οπότε αποφεύγω.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Okay Cheese lets look at your aspects in terms of Keywords.
Sun...I am
Moon ...I Feel
Mercury....I think
Venus.....I love
Mars......I Act
Jupiter....I expand
Saturn....I am limited, I fear
Uranus....I am unpredictible or unconventional
Neptune....I seek spirit (positive) or delusion (negative)
Pluto....I seek power or victimhood.
ASCENDANT....WHO I APPEAR TO BE WHEN YOU FIRST MEET ME.
NN (upside down horse shoe) I NEED TO BECOME THIS
Keywords for aspects
Conjunction-union of energies except with Saturn
Sextile-good relationship
Trine-very good relationship but so good we may not ever notice its there.
Square-gets our attention and asks us to do something hard
Opposition-asks us to do two things as once that conflict, may affect us sporadically or in an either/or kind of way depending on other factors.
Without taking into consideration the houses and signs of the other planets (which we cover later) and combining using the above key we can take your Moon and Venus aspects and say the following....
Sun Conjunction Venus 4°38 WHO I AM COMBINES AND MERGES EASILY WITH WHAT ATTRACTS ME
Moon Trine Venus 3°54 WHAT I FEEL IS IN HARMONY WITH WHAT I LOVE.
Moon Sextile Mars 4°51 MY ACTIONS COMPLIMENT MY FEELNGS
Moon Square Jupiter 0°21 MY NEEDS FOR EXPANSION IN MY LIFE TEND TO BE RESISTED BY MY FEELINGS>
MOON QUINCUNX ASCENDANT-WELL LEAVE THIS MINOR ASPECT FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Venus Sextile Mars 0°57 MY ACTIONS SUPPORT WHAT I LOVE
Venus Conjunction Saturn 5°25 I ENCOUNTER FEAR OR FEEL LIMITED WHEN I LOVE
Venus Sextile Uranus 4°56 I LOVE IN UNIQUE WAYS OR UNCONVENTIONALLY.
Venus Square Neptune 5°01 I CAN CREATE ILLUSIONS ABOUT LOVE THE FOOL MYSELF.
Venus Square Ascendant 1°41 WHEN YOU MEET ME< THE PERSON YOU MEET IS NOT THE PART THAT TELLS YOU WHAT I LOVE.
AS you can see each planet is in some way enhanced or limited by its relationship to other planets further refining how it is expressed.
Sun...I am
Moon ...I Feel
Mercury....I think
Venus.....I love
Mars......I Act
Jupiter....I expand
Saturn....I am limited, I fear
Uranus....I am unpredictible or unconventional
Neptune....I seek spirit (positive) or delusion (negative)
Pluto....I seek power or victimhood.
ASCENDANT....WHO I APPEAR TO BE WHEN YOU FIRST MEET ME.
NN (upside down horse shoe) I NEED TO BECOME THIS
Keywords for aspects
Conjunction-union of energies except with Saturn
Sextile-good relationship
Trine-very good relationship but so good we may not ever notice its there.
Square-gets our attention and asks us to do something hard
Opposition-asks us to do two things as once that conflict, may affect us sporadically or in an either/or kind of way depending on other factors.
Without taking into consideration the houses and signs of the other planets (which we cover later) and combining using the above key we can take your Moon and Venus aspects and say the following....
Sun Conjunction Venus 4°38 WHO I AM COMBINES AND MERGES EASILY WITH WHAT ATTRACTS ME
Moon Trine Venus 3°54 WHAT I FEEL IS IN HARMONY WITH WHAT I LOVE.
Moon Sextile Mars 4°51 MY ACTIONS COMPLIMENT MY FEELNGS
Moon Square Jupiter 0°21 MY NEEDS FOR EXPANSION IN MY LIFE TEND TO BE RESISTED BY MY FEELINGS>
MOON QUINCUNX ASCENDANT-WELL LEAVE THIS MINOR ASPECT FOR ANOTHER TIME.
Venus Sextile Mars 0°57 MY ACTIONS SUPPORT WHAT I LOVE
Venus Conjunction Saturn 5°25 I ENCOUNTER FEAR OR FEEL LIMITED WHEN I LOVE
Venus Sextile Uranus 4°56 I LOVE IN UNIQUE WAYS OR UNCONVENTIONALLY.
Venus Square Neptune 5°01 I CAN CREATE ILLUSIONS ABOUT LOVE THE FOOL MYSELF.
Venus Square Ascendant 1°41 WHEN YOU MEET ME< THE PERSON YOU MEET IS NOT THE PART THAT TELLS YOU WHAT I LOVE.
AS you can see each planet is in some way enhanced or limited by its relationship to other planets further refining how it is expressed.
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